Sunday, June 26, 2011

Crucial Conflicts...

Am I ready for marriage?

I am excited about my upcoming trip to Vegas for two reasons; one I will have the chance to spend some time with my Mom. Two, we're planning on touring some venues to possibly host my wedding. Now how can I start a post with my question and be excited about planning a wedding? Perhaps, because they are two very different things.

I am excited about the joy of planning this day and yet there are some issues within our relationship. Sometimes, I find myself wondering if marriage is what I want with this person? Then there are other times when I can't wait to start a family with him. I am deeply in love with my guy, I just wonder about little things.

Can I be everything he wants me to be? Can he be everything I want him to be?

They say money and sex can be the root of the problem in every relationship. I am finding that to be very true. While I am on the fast track to establishing my career, he's going through a career change. His industry has changed and in a way makes it difficult to attain the level of success others have had in the past, including him.

So now he's going through the period of finding himself and testing other industries. I support him completely during this transition and I know it's been hard. However, a part of me wonders will things pick up for him? If not, am I okay with being the "breadwinner"?

I work my ass off to provide myself pleasures I desire without relying on a man to supply them for me. At the same time, I want to empower my guy to be the head of our household. How do you do that when you are financially taking care of the household as the woman?

I've been struggling with these thoughts for most of this year. I by no means want to leave my guy simply because he's not making more than me. But I can't help but have these feelings every time I pay a house bill. As a result of these feelings, my level of intimacy has changed. One has a direct effect on the other.

I mentioned wanting to do premarital counseling just to ensure we're heading the right direction...

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Anonymous said...

Wow, ok. I would suggest that you deal with your problems before getting marry. You don't want to start your new journey with doubts in your head, i'm telling you it wont work. Have you sat down with and talk to him about how you're feeling? If you're afraid or concern to express your feelings to your fiance, than that's a bigger problem. Communication us the key, believe me, i've learned the hard way. Best of luck. Please keep me posted.

Suka, Beautiful Moi

Ms. Confessions said...

Hey there, I appreciate the comment.
Yes, we have had a few discussions about this. It’s a fine line between becoming a nag and having reoccurring conversations. I know he’s doing the best he can with what he’s got. I also know that he’s just as unhappy with his current situation as I am. So I have to find the balance of being supportive and yet expressing thoughts that still haunt me every so often. We both firmly agree communication is important. Yesterday, we celebrated our three year anniversary and I feel good about our relationship. I have to remember I am ride or die with him…

T.C. said...

being in 10 weddings thus far in my life and 3 of the 10 have ended in divorce and every last one of those 3 didn't do pre-marital counseling, i humbly suggest it...a lot of times things you are saying are issues, and he may say are issues, it takes a 3rd neutral party pointing out to help get things together...and that 3rd party can also bring out things that neither of you have thought of...

just speaking on what i've seen...i think its all workable and I totally can relate to what you are sayin...which is why me and mineS will be in counseling for at least 6 months fo shoo, if not longer

((HUGS)) I know it will all work out

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Views of Diversified Mind said...

Oh wow, I'm late, but congratulations chica!!! How are you!? I see you are working around some thoughts and mind boggling decisions, but you are smart and an analyst and I am sure you will come to a smart decision that is agreed upon by and satisfy both parties.

I haven't blogged in so long, but back on it.

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