Sunday, May 01, 2011

Never Keeping Secret...

This past week was a turning point in our relationship. Before I go into that, my mom was here during this time. I had a great visit with her. She visits me annually here in Dallas.

My boyfriend just discovered a minor secret I have been withholding. He found out about my birthmark that I have hidden from pretty much everyone outside of my immediate family. It happened in a strange and unexpected way. I was up (like any usual workday morning) having breakfast while watching the news. He happened to walk into the kitchen to make coffee and while saying hello he noticed a small mark on my face. His natural reaction was he thought something was wrong and I had a rash. I jumped up and ran out of the room as if someone yelled fire.

I was mortified, this was not suppose to happen this way and how the hell do I get out of this? I hide in the bathroom and he came after me. I refused to open the door (yes, I was seriously bugging out at this point). I started to put on my makeup, which he never knew is my ultimate “cover up”. I decided not to apply too much foundation; after all he did see something. But I was scared, how do I explain myself? After fifteen minutes of me acting like a weirdo, I came clean and told him about my birthmark. At first he was upset that I kept this a secret for almost three years. I don’t know when I would have told. During the conversation, he understood my issue with my birthmark and disclosure.

I don’t sleep with makeup on; I always take it off at night. However, it’s the very last thing I do and the lights are out. I get up before he does and simply go to bathroom, apply and go about my business. So if I don’t want you to know its there, you won’t. I have life long friends that don’t know this about me. As a result of this I scheduled a dermatology appointment just to see what my options are. I later told my mom about my boyfriend’s discovery and she had no clue that I never told him about it. She was also a bit disturbed that I am so self-conscience about it.

I haven’t been comfortable with what I consider a surface imperfection for quite some time. My boyfriend wondered if there were any other things I was hiding. The answer is NO. After revealing this, I must say I feel like a huge burden has been lifted. But there’s still progress to go because I will continue to keep it from the world (at least for now). Again, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have such a great man in my life.

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