Monday, May 19, 2008
I Know Who Took Your Damn Cheese
I am freaking unemployable (at least mentally, since my bank account would not agree). If you were to look at my resume you would find that I appear to have a “commitment” issue. I can’t stay at a job longer than 12 or 14 months regardless of the industry. I came to my unemployable realization this year. No matter what company or job, I will never be happy unless I am the one making decisions.
Perhaps, being in this graduate program has reinforced what I knew deep down inside. I told myself my current employer would be the last company I do a song and dance for. The fact is I don’t freaking want to work for anyone. I don’t enjoy getting up early, and having people tell me what to do.
It seems every month, there’s a day where I feel trapped (that day was last Friday to be exact). I felt like a damn hamster in that retarded wheel going nowhere. As I accomplish new things, I expect to see the pay off (fuck patience). I expect to be able to practice what I’m learning in my graduate program, yet I am in not in a position to explore my learning while on the job. Then again, I don’t really want to waste my efforts on someone else’s bottom line.
The morale of this story is to get my grind on and start a few things on the side slow. This will enable me to practice what I am learning and also provide an outlet for my control freak nature. I don’t understand how people stay at a job 10 plus years, is that really what you were put on this earth to do?