Saturday, February 21, 2009

I’m In a Relationship: Part II

Topic: Open Communication

We all say we want to be open and honest in our relationships but do we? I would say based off my past relationships I stuck to this rule 80 percent of the time (percentage got higher in my last two dealings). However, with My Guy I am making extra efforts to be upfront with my feelings. I use to avoid disclosing certain thoughts for the sake of preventing any misunderstandings or simply offending the other person. But what I am finding is sometimes it’s easier to say “You know what baby___ is bothering me” or “Baby I don’t like it when you do __”. I use to let little things stay in, and of course eventually they build up and come out later.

We have been fortunate so far has to having any major arguments and I think as long as we talk we’ll be okay. Wow, real relationships are a lot of work and it’s not about ME any more. As a result of our open communication I have complete trust in My Guy. To some this may appear naive, but I have no worries when it comes to my security level in our relationship. I truly believe when you’ve found the right person no one or nothing else will matter. We can all cheat at any given time. But the thought of breaking My Guy’s heart (because the guilt will force me to squeal) is way too much to bare. Not to mention, I truly don’t pay attention to other men like that. Don’t get me wrong I notice attractive men and I will always be an innocent flirt, but nothing goes past that moment and I don’t lie about having a man and being very happy.

SIDE NOTE***

So much has changed just from the few days I began a rough draft on this post. Thursday evening our relationship elevated to new heights. There’s a special connection My Guy and I share that made me really value the fact that he’s in my life. We both lost our fathers (his in 05 & mine in 06). It’s not a topic that I am open to sharing with anyone. However, that evening I had a “moment”. Moments are times when I am completely overwhelmed with grief of losing my father. I don’t have them too often, which may explain why they randomly appear and are often backed up emotions.

While we were in bed getting ready to sleep, I broke down and cried. This was the first time in front of him. He’s offered his ear, a hug any time I need. But I just don’t go there. He saw a very vulnerable side of me that night and it showed me how much he is there for me. There weren’t a lot of words; he just let me have my “moment”. I guess what’s triggering me to think about my father is the fact that he won’t meet My Guy. It breaks my heart because I know he would like him. It hurts me to acknowledge he won’t participate in my special day (my wedding).

For the first time I see my future with My Guy and its forcing me to deal with the passing of my father. I spoke to my mom yesterday and she wants me to have more “moments” so it doesn’t build up. I guess a part of me is now ready to deal with my grief, because I have someone in life to help me who relates to my pain…

5 comments:

Blu Jewel said...

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a good and strong relationship; any relationship. What you're encountering now is grand and it shows that you're truly willing to shed the past and move into a more clear future. It's honorable that you're doing that and even if your heart got broken, you can always hold your head high knowing the caliber of woman you were in the relationship.

You having a "moment" with your guy means you've matured in an amazing way to let him reach that part of your soul. I'm happy to hear that he was supportive, caring, and nurturing toward you as he'll now become in the part rock your father was. Your mum is right; you need to purge so you don't become overwhelmed and completely lose it one day.

All in all, I'm happy to follow along with this amazing love story.

Love to live; live to love!

T.C. said...

I am really glad that you two have open and honest communication, its the KEY to making it work, that's for sure...

I am also happy that you are allowing yourself to have your "moments" and i know it does help that you have a moment with someone who you know is supportive of you in every way...

i am totally excited for you...

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hi there~

Even if NO ONE relates to your pain...you are entitled to release your pain. Very often, black women feel that someone has to "relate" to what they are feeling before they RELEASE what they are feeling...

In order words, they need someone to VALIDATE their feelings before they will show them... this is deeply dysfunctional but it's also human nature to want to feel that we are "safe" in sharing our feelings...

It is so wonderful that you have a caring partner who is willing to allow you to share all sides of your personality and not just the happy, "together" side...

Relationships that are REAL require honesty and that means we have to stop "auditioning" and be who we truly are.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

j.a.c. said...

This post was so sincere and raw miss lady. I truly appreciated your candor. I agree with your mom - keep having those "moments", especially now that you have an amazing support system.

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