Monday, July 02, 2007
Open Mic: Staring J.A.C.
Here's another blogger I enjoy very much. Her vibe is very laid back and enjoys living her life. Check out her space under my blog club.
I'm sitting here listening to a rather sensual song, which I might add is having a pretty profound effect on me. Not so much in the way you might think though. It's actually quite calming. The music seems to be smoothing me over like someone spreading oil over my body. Does anyone else love that feeling besides me? Lol. Perhaps that's a bit too specific, but I don't care. Lol. I love it. My baby boi often gives me oiled massages. I could be under his trance for an eternity if time allowed it. It's funny how music takes you places you never intended to go. But ask any musician/artist and they'll tell you that's their intent.
One of my close girlfriends just broke up with her boyfriend yesterday. After questioning whether or not she gave it enough thought, she laid it out for me in numerical format. Reason 1, 2 and 3… The girl definitely knew what she was doing. I guess you can't ignore gut feelings. She's pretty okay with her decision, which I'm happy about. She's a strong woman. I don't mean to sound selfish, but what does this mean for me? What happens now? More time with her and less time with baby boi? Do I have to compromise quality time with him to hang out with her on occasions she would normally be with her ex-boyfriend? Here comes the balancing act. Juggling friendships and relationships. I need advice. Those in committed relationships with a group of great friends – How do you maintain a fair schedule? How do you distribute your energy? Do you set aside a special day for either? How do you keep the girlfriend's and your baby boi's feelings into consideration?
I often dream of where I'll be in 5 years. Married? With a couple of children? In a house of my own? In a career I'm fascinated with? In a jovial relationship with my family? Still running around the city with a few girlfriends? Dedicated to a great group of youth? Dancing my heart out in a studio? Taking good care of myself? Happy? In love? There was a time when I would plan everything. I'd outline my future like I would a school essay. Bullet points, a thesis or main life goal, alternative examples or paths… When none of it worked out as planned, I'd get extremely frustrated, disappointed and hurt. You cannot plan your future to the tiniest detail. Especially when it's dependant upon other people. You can't control others. Only yourself. So that inevitable leads me to think about destiny. You CAN control your own destiny. Your life is in your hands. Drive it. Steer it. But don't become exasperated when you don't end up exactly where you thought. You might end up somewhere you didn't expect. Somewhere you just might need to be.
When hearing that Ms. Confessions wanted me to write something for her blog, I was quite honored. Even though this isn't what I thought I would submit, especially because it's all over the place, I like the unpredictability of it. It's honest and straight from the heart. Random thoughts are always free and usually expose something covered. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Happy day everyone!