Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The House Guest that Can’t Leave…

I was talking to my co-worker yesterday about her and her man who live together. She was mentioning the fact that she won the battle on how to decorate their place. They’re not married, but they’ve lived together for some time.

I go back and forth with this debate. I strongly feel it’s important to know as much as you can about a person before taking that trip down the aisle. With that being said, yes I want to test-drive/ live in close quarters before I marry you. I don’t believe in going out and buying a house together before we’re married, but I do feel the need to know what its like to be around you 24/7.

To some this may go against your reglious beliefs (mine too). However, I know what type of person I am and I will get tired of your ass very quickly. Perhaps it's because I am the only girl and never had to share my living space. I have a tendency to get irritated by houseguest, especially if they are staying with me longer than 72 hours. Its little things that start to drive me crazy; from the way you eat your food to the annoying sounds you make when you sleep. I can’t help it, but I love and value my space.

This is obviously why marriage is not a good idea for me at the current time. I understand you’re suppose to love a person unconditionally, I have no problems doing so. But right now I am going through my selfish phase. My world consists, revolves, and involves ME right now. I don’t see anything wrong with having this viewpoint. It only becomes an issue when I am still selfish and decided to get married or shack up or worst have a baby.

Besides, what’s the big rush as far as playing house? I would much rather enjoy you and our relationship while we maintain our own living spaces. Let me come visit you for a few days and vice versa, yet still have the luxury of alone time. Playing house is truly for kids. I think it’s important to maintain a healthy and stable independent lifestyle before merging my world with some man.

For those of you who do go out and buy houses together before you’re married, what the fuck are you thinking? The only way this is acceptable in “my world” is if you two are partners in a limited liability company and the house is under your business name. If you’re willing to sign a deed together, why not sign a marriage certificate together?

But what do I know? I’m just a single woman who owns her own living quarters….


Joanne said...

Totally agree, if you're going to make a commitment why would you half-a** it?

Anonymous said...

My friend is currently living with her boyfriend, and they bought a house together. He's the jealous type, runs her emotionally and financially with an iron fist (he's a collections agent). Anyway, she just got a laid off from her job the other day. Immediately I though, she's totally screwed now.

Another friend has been living with a guy for 7 years, and initially thought marriage was no big deal- until she's seen every one of their coupled friends get married. Then the light gets brighter that he has no intention of marrying her. The reason? He told her he doesn't have enough money! WHAT? Wait- so let me get this straight, you have enough money to live together every single day for seven years, but not enough to spend less than $100 to get married and continue doing the same thing?

Totally agree with your post.

A woman on the move said...

Joanne- My point exactly! LOL

Anonymous- The friend, who was just laid off, is definitely in a jacked up predicament now.

She now has absolutely no power or resource. I understand a man is the head of the household. But we can accept/acknowledge that without having to live under some bullshit dictatorship.

For your second friend, the expression why buy the cow when the milk is free comes to mind. LOL
Now she’s the ass for accepting an excuse as “he doesn’t have enough money” for not getting married.

Are you freaking kidding me? And I bet you he has a nice shiny car, nice clothes, and toys to reinforce the perception of not having enough money... LMAO!!

I swear I can do bad by myself…

Anonymous said...

Oh wait- friend #1 it is so real. She's an architect, very pretty, fun personality, outgoing. One day I called her, and she said, "I can't talk long. When you hear his dog bark, it means that he's home, and I have to hang up!"

You know I busted out laughing when I heard the dog bark. HOW RIDICULOUS. We only communicate by email now..I can't deal...

Friend #2- Actually, she met him when he was technically homeless, due to a roommate situation, but he was gainfully employed. He moved in with her, now they split the rent. He always takes vacations- mostly without her! The worst is when he said that they shouldn't buy a new mattress b/c the one they had was fine, even if she woke up with a backache. He's 38 years old- why is he living like a college dude? She's dumb ass to accept it.

Yes, she wants to leave the situation, but is now in the trap of, I don't want to be alone- even if she technically is! Mind you, she's a 5'10" former model who has a successful career as a fashion designer.

It begs the question though- if these women have it together on paper, what goes wrong deep down inside that totally makes them accept less than zero? There is something very attractive when I hear a man refer to the woman whom he has chosen to spend his LIFE with as his WIFE.

I'm with you Ms. Confessions, we need to broaden the revolution.

Nic said...

Hey girl. This was a great post, and I liked the title too. You made some good points. I can definately feel you on not wanting to rush things. I was not an only child, but I had a horrible little sister who stole everything I cherished. As as result...I value my space and few possessions highly. I'm not ready to give that up yet.


The Detective said...

I couldn't agree with you more.

j.a.c. said...

i get tired of people too. i mean really quickly. i think i'm tired of my bf and we've only been together 3 months! (lol, i hope he doesn't read your page.)

Southern_Lady said...

Funny, this was the topic on the Michael Baisden show last week. I agree with you completely! I'm so used to living alone, it's hard to adjust when there's someone always there. Even if they don't work your nerves, sometimes just the presence of somone else can irk you. If you can live together in a home you bought together, what's the difference? Get married already!

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