Sunday, December 03, 2006

A Turkey Baster & Dr. Scholl's (What else does a woman need?)

A about a week ago I had the unexpected urge to relieve some backed up and suppressed sexual feelings. While there’s always an option to call your jump off for a session; these days I find it safer (not only physically) but mentally to just handle my business on my own.

So my dildo was forced into early retirement a while ago and I neglected to buy a replacement (shame on me). It was a cold winter night and your girl needed to get off immediately. I roamed through my house looking for something long, wide, and comfortable to handle the job; but everything looked just plan wrong. I went into my kitchen and stumbled upon my cooking utensils in a holder and a huge smile appeared on my face. For the first time I looked at my turkey baster in a way that a lost child looks when they find their mother. (LOL)

I figured I’ve never used it before, so why not put it to use now. It’s funny how the hormones can cause you to do some crazy things. I took my new friend for the night in my hands oh so gently. I washed him off and noticed the end point may cause a challenge for me. I decided to wrap the end with a few thick rubber bands, that way the point would be wider. I then wrapped a band aide around the rubber bands to provide a smooth surface. However, the thought of rubber bands and a band aide in my cat wasn’t too appealing. So I decided to use a condom (safe sex always). So I strapped on a jimmy and to work I went. It was the best experience. I highly recommend a baster (when all else fails).

Saturday while shopping for some house items I ran across the Dr. Scholl’s massager. I was instantly intrigued by the size and functions of this device. It was a no brainer (I bought it). After spending the day shopping with my home girl, I went home. I took a warm bath, made a drink, adjusted the temperature in my home to a nice warm and cozy hide away environment, broke out my latest Zane book, and while reading I placed my new toy over my cat. By page three I found myself moaning out loud. Let’s just say I highly recommend this bad boy too.


Anonymous said...

Oh my...

BluJewel said...

that's some funny shit. i'll never be able to look at a turkey baster quite the same

Sister Toldja said...

LMAO!!!!! Hilarious!!!

And I am STILL laughing about the Mr. Dalvin sneaks, by the way!

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