Our relationship was the perfect situation with the most imperfect circumstances. Thoughts of him and I in this fantasy world we created began to consume my “free” time. I looked forward to hearing from him daily. I enjoyed the physical reaction my body experienced from our phone conversations. Could all of this be real?
He came out to visit one weekend in September, I swear the days leading up to this reunion felt like Christmas. I anxiously anticipated my friend’s arrival and couldn’t wait to rekindle our old magic. We tried something different this time around. I decided it was a good time to experiment and take our love making to a new level. I requested my friend bring some ecstasy, to enhance our experience.
While I don’t advocate any “drugs”, I must say this experience was beyond what I could begin to describe. Our natural feelings for each other mix with ex provided the ultimate sexual experience to date. I did write a few entries to commemorate that occasion. It was during this mind-blowing weekend, I fell in love with my friend. For the first time we made love like the world revolved around him and I. We made love like a couple on their honeymoon. We made love like a couple who wanted to go “half” on a baby.
He gave all of him to me and I happily gave him all of me. For two blissful days no one else mattered. It was after his departure when I actually paid attention to the harsh reality of our situation. It was at this point when my jealous side began to take over. I no longer could handle the casual mentions of “his girl”. Despite the fact that I never consider this to be a “competition” nor wanted to interfere with his relationship; I felt I was the one who could give him what he needed on all levels.
Two days after his visit I woke up with an urgency to discontinue in the manner we were in. I explained to him my feelings and reasons for the much needed space. Major boundaries were crossed; I fell in love with my friend. I wanted to be his everything. What part of the game is this? We stopped talking for a few weeks (I swear it felt like forever). It was like he was my drug and I was addicted to him…
9 comments:
I was loving the "e" and the falling in love part....that jealous is MF, aint it?
Whooo, this is really intense. That sex sounds hot!
Wow!
I'v always been curious about drugs but have never indulged. Can you write a post on what it felt like to be on E please.
I hope Mommy isn't reading this. It will get easier.
Wow.
there is a plus and minus to your situation...
plus - you actually had the experience and it's one that will set a standard for you. it will also serve as a vehicle for what you know of your emotional intensity
minus - for the reasons you mentioned. being or playing first place, second is an unfortunate place to be even if you've agreed to it.
...this is getting deep...
i am all in...
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