Sunday, November 19, 2006

But We're Friends... The Deep End

This year was a turning point for our “relationship”. Even though there were no immediate or obvious benefits for our dealings, we still managed to interact on a daily basis. It was a part of our daily routine; in fact there wasn’t a day that went by we didn’t talk. But again nothing you wouldn’t do with any other close friend. It felt like High school, when you sit on the phone all night talking to your latest crush. No matter what problems/issue we were having with the outside world; we were there for each other in “our” world. I definitely didn’t think we would still talk once I relocated as often. But some things you just don’t expect to happen and can’t figure out why they are happening.


During the spring he started to do a lot of traveling, and it was during this time the direction of our relationship took a shift to the right. We started getting closer our conversations became more like an interaction between a couple. And it was during this time, I noticed I had more than “friend” feelings for him. Of course to save face, I didn’t want to disclose this information to him or even acknowledge I had the feelings to begin with to myself. The ego and pride are always something I guard heavily. I’ll never forget the day he told me he loved me. It felt good to hear those words, but I couldn’t bring myself to repeat those words to him initially. There wasn’t any room for love. Yet after awhile I let go of my inhibitions and admitted the truth. It wasn’t something that was said on a daily basis or for the close of every phone call. It was an understood and implied feeling exclusive between my lover friend and I.

After a while I found myself less interested in seeing any other men. It wasn’t because I felt obligated or had this “commitment” with him; but I try to keep a busy life and he was indirectly filling any voids I had even from a distance. There was no game playing on our ends. There were no need for the mindless bullshit conversations. He had nothing to prove and neither did I. I simply had no desire to interview/screen new candidates. Through all the trials (dates) he was the one thing that remand constant in my life at the time. We were actually only physical 2 or 3 times a year. But our physical engagements were so intense and satisfying that anything on daily or constant basis would have been detrimental to both of our health. He treated me with the up most respect. In a weird way he felt like my soul mate. Our lives complimented each other in a favorable manner. Yet, he has a girlfriend...



5 comments:

T.C. said...

OK so I am totally following this series and am SO waiting for the next one...OMGoodness...

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Can't wait to read more...

Views of Diversified Mind said...

It's definitly possible to live that type of lifestyle. You talk about how he filled any voids, even though no committment to him, nor obligations; no reason to screen any other candidates, feeling like he was your soulmate in some weird way, expressing eventually that you both love each other, but not speaking those words on a daily basis; understood. Now the sex thing...to engage in this activity two-three times per year; how did you do it?...wow. I can say that for me, the sex for me is a little different. Participation is extremely strong, but then again we do reside in the same city. How are you feeling about this guy these days; your friend? I know you stated that you recently ended what seemed to be "unhealthy" in my terms. Is this entry allowing your readers to know that he is crossing your mind or is this in fact to inform us that you have picked up where you left off? I know you must be feeling as if you lost a true friend; unless the two of you still communicate and just don't engage in sexual activities...

BluJewel said...

seems you have everything that a relationship needs except there's a third party and while she remains in the picture, you will always be the "other" woman. Gotta find a way out, yet I know it's easier said than done

BluJewel said...

listen to John Legend's Again and then Another Again from his new CD, it speaks of what you're going through

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