Our relationship was the perfect situation with the most imperfect circumstances. Thoughts of him and I in this fantasy world we created began to consume my “free” time. I looked forward to hearing from him daily. I enjoyed the physical reaction my body experienced from our phone conversations. Could all of this be real?
He came out to visit one weekend in September, I swear the days leading up to this reunion felt like Christmas. I anxiously anticipated my friend’s arrival and couldn’t wait to rekindle our old magic. We tried something different this time around. I decided it was a good time to experiment and take our love making to a new level. I requested my friend bring some ecstasy, to enhance our experience.
While I don’t advocate any “drugs”, I must say this experience was beyond what I could begin to describe. Our natural feelings for each other mix with ex provided the ultimate sexual experience to date. I did write a few entries to commemorate that occasion. It was during this mind-blowing weekend, I fell in love with my friend. For the first time we made love like the world revolved around him and I. We made love like a couple on their honeymoon. We made love like a couple who wanted to go “half” on a baby.
He gave all of him to me and I happily gave him all of me. For two blissful days no one else mattered. It was after his departure when I actually paid attention to the harsh reality of our situation. It was at this point when my jealous side began to take over. I no longer could handle the casual mentions of “his girl”. Despite the fact that I never consider this to be a “competition” nor wanted to interfere with his relationship; I felt I was the one who could give him what he needed on all levels.
Two days after his visit I woke up with an urgency to discontinue in the manner we were in. I explained to him my feelings and reasons for the much needed space. Major boundaries were crossed; I fell in love with my friend. I wanted to be his everything. What part of the game is this? We stopped talking for a few weeks (I swear it felt like forever). It was like he was my drug and I was addicted to him…