Wednesday, November 15, 2006

But We're Friends... The Core

Throughout most of our relationship, I appreciated the friend/companion he became to be. He and I could discuss any topic, agree to disagree, and still have the best sex. I suppose we both had emptied voids that needed to be fulfilled. Looking back, I admit I thought I would be the one to remain in control of my feelings and emotions in regards to him. After all, our initial arrangement was a “jump off” or “summer fling” situation. There were unspoken rules and agreements between us, but as a person begins to grow on you and you discover the quality attributes within the person; you tend to fade in between the lines of friendship and lovers. We became each other’s confidant, and relied on our stimulating conversations to brighten our days.

But there was always one thing that remained constant; he was in relationship. As weird as it may seem, I never intentionally wanted to interfere with their relationship or put myself in a situation where I was the “other woman”; for I considered us to be real good friends. But in more recent days, I found myself falling for my “friend”. I knew this because whenever he use the term “my girl…” I noticed the cringe I would feel inside. Obvious signs of me reaching beyond the friendship zone.

I became intrigued with our effortless chemistry and craved the attention I received from him. While he may have indirectly taken on the role of director (emotionally) in our show, I would very much consider myself executive producer and script writer. We stroked each other’s egos. I believe our relationship brought out the best in us. There was always an air of friendly competitiveness between us. Ironically, I learned through our interactions how good it feels to relate to a person of the opposite sex on so many levels. It’s through my dealings with him I am now able to define what a “good” relationship feels like (even if it were simply a fa├žade or figment of my imagination). Perhaps, through “our” relating he‘s now able to develop ways to establish and maintain similar sparks within his primary relationship. Funny how we wind up in these types of situations, yet in the beginning everyone has their “initial” game plan on how things will play out. How two months turned into a three years ordeal? (shit happens).


Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

The mistake people make when getting a "jump off" is they do other things beside just having sex. A jump off is only meant for laying up with. Not talking on the phone, hanging out with each other, someone leaving when the sex is over.

BluJewel said...

sex has a way of blurring the lines regardless of how "casual" you think things are. Trust me, i know physical attraction can have you caught out there, and even if you become friends, you were never friends first. Friends first implies it took a while for sex to happen.

Whatever the case, there is a truly fine line between sex and catching feelings of which you said you did. But the bottom line is, is this person someone you could trust enough to have a one on one with considering how things started and continued to be?

Anonymous said...

so.. you kinda left it hanging. what happened? where are you guys now in this "relationship"? what are your lessons? would you do it again? what would you change? did you tell him you have 'feelings' for him?

Anonymous said...

All I'ma say is, if ever you get the chance, tell him. You don't want to find yourself at his wedding wondering "what if"? I'm with 'Southern Gal'. Jump-offs gotta be jump-offs, nothing more.

I'm sure you will find someone who loves you 100%, with your Mr. Dalvin sneakers and all (LMAOOOO!!!) :')

God bless you and good luck!

Anonymous said...

Wow. The circumstances seem so familiar. I definitely feel your pain. I think the biggest problem with a relationship like that is when things start of with a question mark, there will always be a cloud over the relationship, despite the beautiful moments, emotions and friendship that develops.

Either way, I hope that you find the happiness that you deserve.

The Mistress said...

Trust me, this happens very frequently. People start having sex, a friendship develops, feelings develop, sometimes it's one sided BUT usually it's not. One of the people in the relationship chooses to "pretend" they aren't as into the other person when they REALLY are. I've had it happen to me. It's such a slippery slope.

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