Throughout most of our relationship, I appreciated the friend/companion he became to be. He and I could discuss any topic, agree to disagree, and still have the best sex. I suppose we both had emptied voids that needed to be fulfilled. Looking back, I admit I thought I would be the one to remain in control of my feelings and emotions in regards to him. After all, our initial arrangement was a “jump off” or “summer fling” situation. There were unspoken rules and agreements between us, but as a person begins to grow on you and you discover the quality attributes within the person; you tend to fade in between the lines of friendship and lovers. We became each other’s confidant, and relied on our stimulating conversations to brighten our days.
But there was always one thing that remained constant; he was in relationship. As weird as it may seem, I never intentionally wanted to interfere with their relationship or put myself in a situation where I was the “other woman”; for I considered us to be real good friends. But in more recent days, I found myself falling for my “friend”. I knew this because whenever he use the term “my girl…” I noticed the cringe I would feel inside. Obvious signs of me reaching beyond the friendship zone.
I became intrigued with our effortless chemistry and craved the attention I received from him. While he may have indirectly taken on the role of director (emotionally) in our show, I would very much consider myself executive producer and script writer. We stroked each other’s egos. I believe our relationship brought out the best in us. There was always an air of friendly competitiveness between us. Ironically, I learned through our interactions how good it feels to relate to a person of the opposite sex on so many levels. It’s through my dealings with him I am now able to define what a “good” relationship feels like (even if it were simply a façade or figment of my imagination). Perhaps, through “our” relating he‘s now able to develop ways to establish and maintain similar sparks within his primary relationship. Funny how we wind up in these types of situations, yet in the beginning everyone has their “initial” game plan on how things will play out. How two months turned into a three years ordeal? (shit happens).