Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Art of Dating & Business (The Intro)

After careful observation of my dating/courting patterns and those of my dear friends. I decided to share my new philosophy of what I believe is the proper way of looking for that suitable potential mate. As a business woman and person who’s studied business as it applies to the corporate setting, I have adopted those fundamentals and choose to apply those to any man I am considering for that long term or permanent role in my life.

You may ask how your personal life or even dating can relate to business. As I list my point of views and opinions perhaps you may leave understanding the similarities. I particularly compare dating to business because of the society we live in which is obsessed with money and power. We carefully evaluate all business decisions, deals, and even employees. Yet when it comes to dating or getting in a relationship we aren’t as cautious or strict. Shouldn’t personal relationships have the same criteria as a business partnership?

When looking for a potential business partner there are many things you review before signing any paperwork. And most people off top have an ideal of the type of person they wouldn’t go into business with, but there seems to be no sound screening when dating. Or should I say we tolerate a lot more from a man/woman we’re dating. An ideal business partnership should obviously be knowledgeable in whatever the business is. They should have a solid financial background, be trust worthy, and have good work ethics. So wouldn’t these qualities be similar to a potential partner in life?

If you work for a company or run your own, we know if there is an employee continuously not being productive they will eventually be terminated. So why do we put up with a person slacking or bringing us down when it comes to our mate? During an interview for a potential employee there are certain qualifications you are expecting the candidate to bring to the table in order to be considered for the job. When it comes to dating we seem to overlook certain skills or requirements due to any reasons. I don’t mean to seem heartless or even cruel. But we have to be honest with ourselves and stop wasting valuable time on people that don’t deserve your best. This is all you should be willing to give at all times.

In the business world in order to be successful you must work as a united team. And it’s important for each member on your team to bring something to the table. When it comes to your mate, you are essentially a team in life. It’s important for the other person to be able to make up for whatever the other is lacking. Who wants to keep a loser on their team? So why be in a serious relationship with someone who isn’t adding anything to your life of substance?

For me I feel it’s more important to spend my time with someone that compliments me rather than contradicts. There’s nothing wrong with having requirements for a person who’s applying for the position of being my man. In addition to being intelligent, I am more concern with your work ethic and morals. I bought my first house this year so naturally I would want someone who owns their home or in the process. I consider this to be a top priority because in today’s time people like to put on a great show. I like to use the analogy of a huge Tiffany &Co. box being giving to you and the box is completely empty. What good is that?

You have people who spend ridiculous amounts of money looking the part. They have the high end fashions, drive the luxury car loaded with the latest gadgets, and always want to go shopping. The only problems with these people are you’re pulling up in your nice car to park in your apartment complex. I would rather be romantically involved with a man who drives a Toyota Corolla and lives in his own home, and is financially literate and stable. With more than 70% of Americans living in debt, would it not make sense to choose a partner who can help you grow rather than be a burden? After awhile all the superficial reasons you choose that person will start to lose its novelty and the core of that person will start to show.

Whether you have a hustle or a business you don’t play games when it comes to your revenue or associates, so why short change yourself when it comes to calling someone your girl or man? So the next time you are on a meet and greet (a.k.a. date) with a potential mate don't be afraid to break out into a proper interview and see if they’re about business…


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Views of Diversified Mind said...
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Anonymous said...


Malinda said...


Views of Diversified Mind said...

Ms. Confessions...Great topic!!!! And I must comment on this one. I agree a great deal on the information that you have put on the table! I feel that everyone has their reasons for everything. Individuals have their ideal mate whether they state it or not; what they are looking for. The problem is that they don't take action in actually dating who or what type of person with x, y, and z characteristics, standards, etc. they have in mind. People waste too much of their time and others time as well basically settling and knowing the other person is not a fit/match for them or knowing it won't work out. They don’t look at the "business" aspect (thinking long term) in decision making; knowing that "the metals" repel immensely. I haven't taken a survey or anything, but through my experience with dating and exchanging words with quite a few people daily is that one doesn't want to hurt the other's feelings. They don't want to seem too picky or conceited. One feels the other is too high maintenance so instead of a match where one is high maintenance and the other likes to cater to the others needs/wants by giving gifts, taking her/him out to eat, etc.; there is only one spending all the money and the other gladly accepting which gets old and doesn’t last due to the money running out or exhaustion. I totally agree with you on the fact that people that so called talk the talk, walk the walk, yadda yadda ya that have all this "stuff" but not building equity, not investing and in turn they are constantly blowing it all away while putting on a show; why do it? From a non-serious aspect, I can see how one’s actions and results in terms of dating, relationships, business decisions, or what have you turn out to be a waste or short-term/don’t last decisions because the decisions were made based on all of which they honestly and truly cared nothing about. Now when talking about or speaking from the serious aspect or dedicated side and individuals are saying how they are going to do this and that and they have this dream and that vision and 10 years later, no results; well no. No one who is headed toward total success or is successful wants a dreamer and only a dreamer in their life.

You are doing well for yourself; so let's take you for instance. You are into real estate, your own company with one item you market; greeting cards and you bought your first house recently. You are looking for someone who is on your level already or is on his way there including the mind frame to go along and that is your preference; which is understandable and not at all impossible. I can vision that, but I also believe that there is a season, a reason and a time for everything and I believe that "he"; whoever he is may truly be a great man over all, but is missing a title to a house, any type of equity, or success from what you can see period. Are you really going to single that one guy out because of that? Yes, he could be living in an apartment alone, was frivolous and careless spender back in the day, but is working on getting his credit together so that he gets a low interest rate when he does decide to purchase a house, condo, loft, or what have you. Are you going to do away with him? Or if he is working on building his business up from the bare bottom ground and he may or may not be experiencing hard times, but is just not ready to buy a house. Are you going to kick him to the curb? Or ultimately he may just like apartment life because of the low or no maintenance involved and/or doesn't want to/doesn't have the time to keep up a property that he owns due to travel with his job 3 weeks out of the month to make the money to get him where he needs to be. Are you really and truly going to give up i.e. a man that you are spiritually connected to, mentally, socially, and physically vibe with? Someone who honestly compliments you and truly treats you like the queen that you are; girl did I mention he likes/loves to cook (clearly everyone that knows me knows I don’t so that’s a benefit/advantage for me)…but yet, because you may feel he is all talk because he is not there yet and not able to work on getting there yet (considering the fact that you gave him a reasonable amount of time)...he is not an option. If anything; are you willing to sacrifice (a little or a lot) to help him get to where he and you want and need him to be? Keep him on the backburner girl at least...*) had to throw a little something funny in there. But honestly, if there is a "good man/woman" out there that is doing what he/she is supposed to be doing and doing it the right way, (including being supportive and a few other things depending on what your standards or criteria entail) at the end of the day through everything that life has thrown at you and everyday there is something no matter how big or small; if that good man/woman (with no equity and due to off timing has not “made it there” and/or is not able to work on getting there) is that one person who stuck by you, behind you, beside you, and was there for you when no one else was; then why not make an exception? I don't think anyone; male or female, should be singled out without just cause and I just came to that decision myself recently. Think about this as well…some scenarios. What if someone accumulated all this "stuff" including a house and everything they have dreamed of (ultimately to make themselves and/or someone else happy), but not able to afford it and live comfortably whether they speak up and say something or not and end up losing everything trying to meet the criteria? Or what about the one that has "everything" you are looking for so-called and ends up being the worst person you ever met later down the line and makes your life miserable…one would not want to go through that…would they?

I'm going to tell you that I am one of the ones who do look at ALL aspects including my business and personal life as a business; there is no other way. What I have come to realize is that yes you have to make decisions and choices in life; short and long term. They can be carefully planned or sought out decisions or acted out on impulse, but in all you may get the same results. You can choose one option over the other and believe deep down that you made the right choice but it could turn out the totally opposite of what you expected. For example: On this particular project 8 people were chosen to participate, but you were appointed the leader meaning you are the head person/big dawg in charge and the final and ultimate decision within hours is in your hands. In the company conference room you brought the idea to the table, each person expressed their opinions and facts and all were laid out and discussed, everyone worked together to put a proposal together including a marketing plan and a prospective outcome. Everyone felt great about their input, but you and everyone else failed in leaving one little thing which was probably the most important out. Something was overlooked or maybe even singled out and one way the idea could have been a total success involved society and how society view(ed) the product in all aspects through all types of surveying. In result, before the product even left the introduction phase of the life cycle; it failed. Life is about trying to find your purpose. And I know I have gone off on a totally different topic; sort of, but life is also about situations and experiences, and trials and tribulations. I feel that one should definitely be open-minded (and most definitely not saying settle, but be willing to input whether it be advice, a helping hand, time, or even money if that’s what it takes and you have it to give; but at your own risk and beliefs that he/she means business and is passionate about success such as yourself) i.e. to that great brother/sister (and could be of any color); then by all means please do so.

“Don’t just take what you can get or settle, but be open-minded, express an interest, become passionate about something, put your all into it and try it out. If you don’t gain total success or satisfaction, let it go. By all means get all of what you can with the knowledge you have consumed from your experiences. If in the end you profit in happiness and are completely satisfied; you’ve earned it.”© July 12, 2006

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