On Friday afternoon I decided to be noisy and go through my boss' files to find my upcoming annual review. I am extremely disappointed (spare me the "you should have never looked into her files" judgment) in what I read. From day one I never trusted my company. I am the only African American professional that works for my company. From day one my boss has consider me a threat simply from my being. All she sees is an enthusiastic, well-educated, and outgoing 20 something year old coming to steal her show. Yes! I do aspire to have that position, but not today or tomorrow. I am more than willing to pay my dues, and learn all I can from her.
On the reviews she says "I don't take constructive criticism well and I don't know the company's software well." My problems with both of these statements are; they are not accurate or fair on any level. I do not have a problem taking constructive criticism from anyone. I'll admit it is hard for me to take being corrected on things, when you in fact are wrong to begin with. And rather than admit I was wrong or say I apologize, you just pretend it didn't happen.
As far as the program goes, this is only company I have worked for that didn't have any type of training on this software. I would think this would be important to my company; especially since we use this program on daily basis. But I still came in ready to learn my best on my own. The girl I replaced didn't take the time to train me (and that is my company's fought, because I actually still talk to her). So I am going to learn from this point on, everything I need to know to do my job from a woman who is threatened by me. To be honest I don't know why she hired me to begin with. I guess so the company can use me as a quota.
I actually use to temp for this company as their receptionist. I didn't have as much contact with her as I did with the lady I replaced. She was very pleasant to me and made sure I knew my job responsibilities. A few months later, I noticed an ad in the newspaper one day for my company and her position. I faxed my resume and got an interview. I thought my boss was a laid back person and seemed okay. Besides I was just happy to get a relevant job. I later found out the reason the lady left the position I took over was because she couldn't stand my boss. I didn't know she was bitch until about two months later.
She's the type of person that would let their personal problems affect their behavior at work, and I didn't know how to respond to her. She's a grown ass woman I would expect her to know not to bring your personal issues into the workplace. She is in a dysfunctional relationship and depending on how her man is treating her, will determine how she will interact with me. I formed a good relationship with our building's executive suite tenants. I needed someone to vent to, everyone kept asking me how I could work with someone like her. How does one work with a person who is unhappy and bitter? And because they are unhappy and bitter, they will continue to attempt to piss on your parade.
My entire job related duties will be taught to me from a woman who is insecure and bitter. She even admitted to me during one of my constructive conversations that she doesn't feel comfortable teaching me certain things because she doesn't know if I will leave the company. If that is the case, that isn't my issue! Don't rate me on something you know I have limited knowledge because you're afraid to teach me.
So let's move on to my positive statements. She gets along well the tenants "Tenants are very fond of her". Unlike her, most tenants refer to her as the Bitch and that's a nice comment. "She has no attendance problem." She's great with accounts payable and receivables. She's a great problem solver. "During any tenant issues she can remain calm and remedy the issue." Again, unlike her, if the boat rocks just a little; she needs to smoke a pack of cigarettes and becomes frantic.
She only gave me a raise increase of 2.5% instead of the standard 4% because she can. And that's okay with me. This job is only temporary for me. In fact I have a job interview in a few days with a much more well recognized commercial real estate company. I also have another job reference from a former tenant.
Just when I thought my day almost went to hell, I get another dose of realty. True, I should have never read my file. My review is scheduled on May 16, 2006; I now have the heads up and won't be blown away with the news. Later on that day, I joined my friend who was meeting up for happy hour with her classmates as they end the semester. During this event I met a young typical all American white woman. She casually mentioned she was an advertising sales rep for Teen Vogue. I was quite impressed, but quickly became intrigued to learn more about how she landed such a cool gig. She also admitted with a laugh that she wasn't "qualified" for her position and she was the youngest person to hold the position in her office. I asked her what type of experience she had. She had a degree from a local Texas school in Advertising, and a year of Sales and that job lead her to a plug with Teen Vogue.
I have a marketing degree, internships, two years of Sales, but I forgot I am a black woman with no good hook ups here in Dallas. I will need all the above including; a masters, PhD, and five years experience just to get an interview. During this conversation with this lady, it all hit me. I am busting my ass to play hard in a game that I am not intended to win. I am not saying I am giving up, but in order for me to elevate to where I want to go; I need to create and demand my own opportunity. I was already in the process of making some major moves this year. I am already off to great start and leaving my company is definitely one of my top goals this year.