I suppose since I am getting married in October, wedding details would be high on the stress list. Too bad it’s not. Since my fiancé’s surgery, I have had to deal with one thing after another in regards to ensuring he has a good recovery. The last few months have been a true test of the “through sickness and in health” line within the wedding vows. People often ask me “how are you doing”. I don’t truly have an answer to that question. To be honest, I don’t dwell on my feelings. I just react and keep it moving. It’s almost like I am on autopilot and I don’t allow myself the opportunity to examine my feelings. Perhaps this blog may be a great outlet. If only I would write posts more often.
Right now we’re dealing with his partial facial paralysis. We are hoping he will regain the facial muscles on the right side of his face soon. Worst case, it may never come back. Since his condition is strictly based on the individual, there is no real way to predict when things will return to “normal”. At this point, it’s about being patient and supportive. Both of our moms have asked if we still want to move forward with the wedding. He immediately replied yes, I want to as well. But of course I can’t help but think about our wedding photos. What if his face isn’t “normal” by then?
We found out there’s an association for people with his condition and attended a local group meeting a month ago. We were encouraged by the group for many reasons. One, it’s good to know you’re not alone in these types of situations. Two, they all told my fiancé he looked great considering it was only 90 days since his procedure. However, it’s hard to hear him wake up and say “I want my face to work” every day. At this point, it’s about being patient and having faith in God.
You would think wedding invitations, dresses, engagement party, etc. would be wearing me out at this point. I honestly, haven’t focused a lot on those things. I have sometime before I need to panic but it will require my attention soon.
With all that is going on, I have to sit back and look at the positive side of all of this. We are both blessed in regards to finding each other and being there unconditionally. We are obviously going through this for a reason and this situation is reminder of what’s truly important. Yes, I am looking forward to my wedding but I will also become someone’s wife and my life will now include my husband’s. As I type that, I am moved by the anticipation of spending the rest of my life with someone…