Sunday, June 15, 2008

On Some Bullshit…

I by no means think I am living the perfect life (what is that?), but I know I am not living right at this stage of my life. Now before you think self righteous on me, I am not referring to this phrase in a religious sense. It's actually more from a law of nature perspective than religious. I know I’m not living right because of the subconscious and conscious choices I am making which are producing results I am not feeling. The list is long so to spare time I’ll hit on the category and give the punch line of my fuck ups/mishaps.

Men:
I’m finding myself still talking to a few men that I am not in the least bit interested in, but for the sake of having something to do or a few “in case of emergencies” dates I don’t express my intentions or feelings. How do you say, I only want you when its totally convenient and beneficial for me and they’re cool guys?

Or how about… I crave and in some cases need this one particular guy in my life, but it’s not lined up in our cards no matter how hard we try. I ask why do I even know you or worst had the chance to fall in love with you?

Work:
I’m not happy there and it’s not totally my company’s fault. I am grateful to have a job in my preferred profession but I fear the worker bee syndrome. I also feel as a graduate student at one of the best schools in the state, I am extremely undervalued. I didn’t decide to go to grad school because of any company, but at least pay attention to the talent you have.

On the other hand, now that I am in this entrepreneurship program, I don’t know what business to start. Wtf? So in the meantime I am operating in neutral, letting time pass me by.

Money:
I have the worst spending habits no matter how many times I try to “budget”. I know what I have to do, I just don’t.

Me:
Bless my little heart for trying to be self conscious about my weight. After my visit to my gyno and being weighed on a scale I now know I can stand to lose 30 pounds. Thank God I am tall, but I can’t hide my weight under blazers (its summer time).


So how are you not living right as of now???

4 comments:

YoungBlackBeauty said...

I'm horrible wtih money. Mainly because I dont wanna feel like I'm working to pay bills. Where's the joy in that?

Before my boyfriend, I allowed myself to date guys to satisfy my sexual needs and nothing more. Only problem is that it came out looking all kinds of wrong.

I'm graduting from college in Decemebr with a degree Im not sure I really want. I don't want to work in that field but now its too late.

Im all kinds of messed-up-ness. Welcome to the club.

Smile Star said...

How am I not living right? Oh goodness, the list might be long.

-I always believe that I am content being single. However, the truth is that if a nice man came along, I'd probably marry him tomorrow.

-I act as though my biological clock is irrelevant, but as I creep closer to my next birthday, I realize that the window of opportunity is really small. Maybe those seeds never planted will one day come back to haunt me when I realize that I have no human legacy.

-I've never worked in my chosen field either.

-I also need to lose 30 pounds and also justify my height...lol.

On the positive side (b/c this list is looking Debbie Downer...haha) I do save money well. At least if I'm a childless, overweight spinster I can take a vacation every year. :)

T.C. said...

i am FEELING this...

totally don't want to work and want to go back to school, HOWEVER the fact that i have bills to pay and will soon have a mortgage won't allow for that at the present time...further more i totally want to work for myself...

definitely can stand to lose about 30 pounds myself and am now on the kick, which is hard because my hair is natural and just had to get cut so you know...

in short i totally feel you...

Southern_Lady said...

Or how about… I crave and in some cases need this one particular guy in my life, but it’s not lined up in our cards no matter how hard we try. I ask why do I even know you or worst had the chance to fall in love with you?

This is me through and through! (like Carl Thomas) "And I wish I never met him at all!"

Well, sometimes...

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