I by no means think I am living the perfect life (what is that?), but I know I am not living right at this stage of my life. Now before you think self righteous on me, I am not referring to this phrase in a religious sense. It's actually more from a law of nature perspective than religious. I know I’m not living right because of the subconscious and conscious choices I am making which are producing results I am not feeling. The list is long so to spare time I’ll hit on the category and give the punch line of my fuck ups/mishaps.
I’m finding myself still talking to a few men that I am not in the least bit interested in, but for the sake of having something to do or a few “in case of emergencies” dates I don’t express my intentions or feelings. How do you say, I only want you when its totally convenient and beneficial for me and they’re cool guys?
Or how about… I crave and in some cases need this one particular guy in my life, but it’s not lined up in our cards no matter how hard we try. I ask why do I even know you or worst had the chance to fall in love with you?
I’m not happy there and it’s not totally my company’s fault. I am grateful to have a job in my preferred profession but I fear the worker bee syndrome. I also feel as a graduate student at one of the best schools in the state, I am extremely undervalued. I didn’t decide to go to grad school because of any company, but at least pay attention to the talent you have.
On the other hand, now that I am in this entrepreneurship program, I don’t know what business to start. Wtf? So in the meantime I am operating in neutral, letting time pass me by.
I have the worst spending habits no matter how many times I try to “budget”. I know what I have to do, I just don’t.
Bless my little heart for trying to be self conscious about my weight. After my visit to my gyno and being weighed on a scale I now know I can stand to lose 30 pounds. Thank God I am tall, but I can’t hide my weight under blazers (its summer time).
So how are you not living right as of now???