Sunday, November 11, 2007
I’m sure there’s been a point in one’s life when you wondered why you made some of the choices you made in your past. They say life is all about living and learning from our mistakes, is this the case even when you bring on certain circumstances while knowing right from wrong? Or maybe the attraction is the rush felt from partaking in something that you know is wrong for whatever reasons.
I had a dream last night that made me think of a past relationship with a guy that I knew wasn’t the best for me. I consider the situation similar to the tales of Eve or Pandora. You’re instructed (either from a higher source or inner voice) to not do something yet you decide to do the very opposite. I’ve mentioned this person on my blog a few times. Although it’s all water under the bridge, every now and then I think of the situation. All lessons have been learned and it isn’t about finding out what went wrong, but observing how much I craved the adrenaline and entertainment felt from being in the “relationship”.
The bottom line is I stayed in that situation because I was selfish and thought of nothing more than self-gain. I twisted the feelings of lust, happiness, trust, greed, manipulation, togetherness, and called it Love. I didn’t initially intend for things to go this way. But as our situation started to not turned into a not so favorable deal for me. I had to create a winning situation for myself, since my heart was broken. It boiled down to “You wanna fuck with my happiness, well then I’ll fuck with yours.” I simply forgot the rules of our engagement and let my imagination get the best of me.
The purpose of this post is for my inner peace and to admit my wrongdoing even if it’s several months later. This person may never see this, but I am sorry for acting like a selfish and spoiled brat (maybe bitch). I sincerely wish you happiness and success with the woman you are meant to be with.