With all of the recent tragedies I’ve had to experience, I‘ve learned a few important lessons:
You only really have one shot to be YOU.
Life is too short, to sweat the small stuff.
I’m only getting older, so it’s up to me to become wiser and better.
Last night Mr. Godiva and I ended our relationship for the final time. As I’ve stated before I always knew we had an expiration date. However, it was never crystal clear as to when exactly the fun will end. Well, September 16, 2007 was the date our paths went in separate directions.
I started off the conversation while we were lying in bed for the night. When he came over earlier the vibe wasn’t quite right. Not sure what it was, but it felt very routine. Almost like married life (I’m guessing). It felt like, here’s another Sunday night when we watch TV together, laid it down, have some sex, and go to sleep. Anyway, I started the conversation by saying I felt our relationship needed some type of structure or else its starting to feel like “something to do”. As I went on, he then informed me that he was feeling the need to branch off and see other people.
In fact, he’s met another woman (jaw dropped-NOT). As I listened to his words my reaction surprised me (well not really). I wasn’t hurt or even angry. I felt like that was just the reinforcement we needed to acknowledge that we’re done. He says he’s met someone who fills a void (whatever that is) and he’s digging. But then he says I’ m not sure how she feels about me. That’s when my jaw dropped (well no, more like a what the fuck look). So I had him repeat that statement a few times, only so he can hear how foolish he sounded. Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT hating. But you wanna end things with me because you’re digging someone who may not even like you in return? YOU LIKE IT, I LOVE IT!!!
I then take it upon myself to remind him of the quality woman I am. And in all honesty he’s not exactly in the prime of his life, so I ‘m not so replaceable. Again, this isn’t to get him to reconsider. It may have been the asshole in me. I wasn’t hurt in the sad watch me cry way. But I did have the need to sting him a bit with the harshness of my truth. What threw me off was the fact that during this time, he had a total break down. I’m talking crying like an immediate family died. I sat puzzled for a minute because he kept saying in between his sobs that he doesn’t want to hurt me.
I then let him know that the person he seems to be hurting is himself. I truly thank him for trusting me enough to let his feelings be exposed. I understand he was very vulnerable during this conversation. But clearly I see he’s a mess right now. I truly believe he thinks subconsciously he doesn’t deserve good love from a woman Sure we may portray this playa playa persona but when it’s all said and done everyone wants to feel loved. I think his biggest fear is loosing me to another man; because he knew deep down he isn’t the one.
Regardless, if he’s the one or not. I gave him the best of me. All I asked him to do was make sure the next woman gives you the love that you deserve and to also make sure the feelings are reciprocated which is another issue he’s had with a prior woman.
Mr. Godiva I love you and I thank you for being there for me through such a rough time in my life. You’ve seen my struggles and you’ve witnessed my triumphs. And for that I will never forget you.
Wishing you nothing but the best!