Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I'm Not a Player, I Just Talk A Lot...

I was having a conversation with a couple of my clients at work yesterday; when one of them made the comment “I bet you’re a player. I mean you have a great personality, attractive, and very outgoing.” I looked at him flattered of course (LOL). But then I asked why would he make such an assumption? Again, based off the way I interact with my clients at work (which is predominately a male clientele) he could tell I am a very confident woman.

All of that may be very much true. However, I am by NO means a “player”. I don’t have a long list of men in heavy rotation. It’s interesting when I stop and think about it though. I have no problem meeting people pretty much anywhere. However, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a love connection every time. In fact, I’m not even rotating two people at the current time. What does that mean???

With every encounter I don’t usually give out my number that easily. Now, unless there’s an over powering chemistry and I must react to it (hardly ever the case) then numbers must be exchanged. Yes, I do float around at work like I am all of that and a bag of chips (not in an arrogant or vain way). But I do believe in displaying my A game at all times, you never know who’s watching from afar….


Blu Jewel said...

feeling this post lady. i've been perceived the same way from time to time and if there was any truth to the rumors about me, i'd have a score card to shame most NBA & NFL players combined.

it's always funny to hear someone's perception of you isn't it?

Anonymous said...

It's funny, as a woman, I might think that a guy is a player, but I would never voice it in a meeting! It crosses the line of good taste. Why is it that men feel they have the license to say these things in professional settings?

While it's flattering to be told that you may be attractive, it does bring a level of discomfort. I've been referred to as eye candy and gorgeous in the past by my male colleagues at work. It's nice to be thought of as attractive, but at the same time it made me feel like they perceived my physical attributes as more valuable to them, than my sharp mind. And how does one respond?

I've been called a player, but it was on a personal level by a man I knew. However, I’ve never been one either. In a professional setting, especially in the presence of another man, it's an inappropriate and offensive statement, even in jest, because "player" speaks to one's personal character. It leads to other stupidity like, "oh well we know how she got her promotion." It also reflects that gender inequalities still exist, and how we always have to fight being sexualized. When men move up on the corporate level, it's always assumed it happened for their skill (AND who they knew), not because they were attractive or whom they could have slept with because they were a player.

I’m thrilled that you have confidence, and are not caught up in the cosmetic. Your beauty is in your ability to love yourself (in the positive, not as in self-absorbed), and it’s obvious that you have tremendous self-esteem. You have a beautiful mind. Keep shining. Lauren (L*)

A woman on the move said...

Blue- Lol about the score card!

It is interesting to get a glimpse of how others perceive you. It’s a great indication of whether or not you’re projected the intended image.

Anonymous- Thanks for the kind words!

To the credit of my clients at this particular center I manage, we’re very laid back. Yes, I know the guys admire a “pretty face” as most men do. But, I didn’t take offense by his words. I actually have a lot of interesting conversations with these two particular clients.

Many of my clients are older. So of course they have that “old school” mentality. If they see a pretty face, they’ll let her know; and not necessarily intending it to be harassment.

Unfortunately this type of behavior does come with the corporate territory. Don’t get me wrong, I know when I am being violated. Trust, I have no problems letting someone know when they’re out of line.

Blu Jewel said...

i've learned from industry standards that if you're attractive and can carry yourself in varying environments, you're perceived as "assessible". Assessible as in easy to talk to, get along, with and/or interact with. some people can/will/have taken it out of context.

i've also learned that you can be perceived a player if you turn down compliments or comments from a particular person, but can be laughing and joking with another. when that happens, i've noticed your name is associated with a negative connotation; not because you've done anything inappropriate, but because you didn't treat said person in the manner they wanted you to.

to counter the player connotation, i've also be considered a "bitch" or "stuck up" because I don't interact with people on certain levels or at certain times. if it's my preference at that moment to lay low, then that's what i'll do.

again, it's always funny to hear someone's perception of you!!

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