Friday, January 12, 2007

What About Your Friends...

We all value the opinion of our dear friends. But there comes a point when you have to use your best judgment/instinct to sift through the advice and follow your intuition. Lately I have been in a series of debates with a close friend in regards to Mr. Godiva. I like him a lot, and to be honest my inner voice hasn’t rung a voice of “caution” so far while dealing with him. I’ll be the first to admit there have been situations when I did ignore those constant inner voices and choose to do whatever I wanted. But as I get older and realize my time is valuable, I am more in tune with my inner spirit.

I had my first conversation about a man (Mr. Godiva) I am seeing with my brothers last night. I have never really disclosed this type of information before for obvious reasons. But my brothers now play an even greater role in my life now that our father has passed. The only reason I mentioned Mr. Godiva was because I am starting to value the time I spend with him and considers him to be important enough to gradually introduce him to people I hold dear.

Anyway, of course the race and age were an issue. But mainly the age was the problem. I knew my friend (Drama Queen-now) had her apprehension about the age as well which is why I decided to conference her in on a three way call w/my brothers. Only because she and I were just talking about his age and I wanted to show her that my brothers felt the same. Well as soon as she gets on the phone my brothers ask her to tell them about Mr. Godiva. The first thing that comes out of her mouth is he’s a FREAK. I was mortified by her comment. Why the hell would that be the first thing that comes out of your mouth to my brothers. READ PREVIOUS POST to see what I mean by freak. Yes, he is a freak but he’s also a gentleman about his likings (besides the point). Why the hell would you say that word to my brothers? Of course all hell broke loose and there was nothing I could say to make them see things my way. So after two hours of an intense debate, they concluded to me dealing with an old, perverted man who’s using me for my body and simply as a chapter in his book. Great!!!

Anyway, my frustration came from my friend’s (Drama Queen strikes) bad choice of word and timing. If I would have know those were thoughts about this guy I wouldn’t have taken the time to call her on three way to speak on my behalf. Well this morning I still had this issue on my mind. I know I needed at least another day to discuss this matter with my friend and I’ve decided I will talk to my brothers one on one some time today. So this morning while at work this was our im conversation:

legalage_18: smiley face
Me: morning
legalage_18: hey buddy!
Me: don’t buddy me
legalage_18: lol, you know I didn't know the conversation was going to go that way. I had no idea your family was so crazy.
legalage_18: but I’m glad the conversation happened. we love you
Me: family is not crazy just u didn’t have to say FREAK as the first thing that comes out of ur mouth about a man I am seeing to my bros
Me: now I have to straighten shit out one on one with my bros
Me: I brought him up because I am happy

Me: awe, I'm happy you're happy. Maybe in retrospect I shouldn't have said he was a freak
legalage_18: but it's the only adjective I have for him
Me: not the first thing that comes out of your mouth
Me: no all week u've been talking about his AGE, nothing else which is why I put u on the phone
legalage_18: his age is an issue.
Me: but we weren’t talking about his age for an hour
legalage_18: I know. I'm not sure why you got into details. I was going to keep it general.
Me: I didn’t get into any details, u said FREAK, that was you...then I had to smooth the shit out
Me: u made it appear like I am dealing w/ an old man who wants to fuck me and my friends- that's what my bros think
Me: so you don't think he would take the bait if I tried to fuck him?
Me: when that isn’t the case, any way too much for im convo, but that’s like me trying to introduce u to someone in my fam and the first thing I tell them is u don’t believe in God or you're Pothead, that only makes up 3% of the person u are
Me: I am not going ask ur last question, get over urself he's not trying to fuck u, and remember I added u to the night, it wasn’t his idea
Me: enough said for now

legalage_18: hmm... point taken
legalage_18: but see your family is different
legalage_18: I forgot about how they freaked out with me about the whole atheist thing
Me: my family isn’t different, these are my bros
legalage_18: my brothers would have just laughed and said what else
Me: u talk to ur bro about u liking to have meaningless sex, and how u like porn
legalage_18: I do talk to them about porn
legalage_18: and I was talking to my brother about sex last night
legalage_18: but we're different. I didn't think you were going to tell them that you slept with him. I would have said no
Me: I mentioned I had been intimate w/ him...just so they know but again I don’t talk to them about the men in my life and I was just about to start now that I am older-but Mr. Godiva is now tainted thanks to u
legalage_18: I think it's good that you have these conversations with your brothers
Me: that's beside the point
legalage_18: they are the only people who will give you an unobjective opinion from a male’s perspective
Me: I know that
Me: the issue isn’t my bros, I’ll deal with them one on one, I am talking about u and ur part
Me: that truly served no purpose
legalage_18: one word?
Me: FREAK to my bros
Me: u could have started out w/ the fact that we have been spending a lot of time together
Me: I know she says she likes him
Me: etc
Me: etc

Me: then say I think he's a freak
legalage_18: you should have warned me
Me: for starters I don’t dislike him for being a freak, in fact I love that he gives me the options and choice
Me: don’t need to warn u all week we've talking about his age
Me: not him being a freak, so how was I to know that would be him being a freak
legalage_18: I haven't been talking about his age. I told you before I was concerned with the other things
legalage_18: like the divorce and that conversation
legalage_18: if it ended at a conversation it probably wouldn't have stuck with me like it did
legalage_18: but the fact that he bought out toys and put on DVD makes me think that if he had the chance he would have taken it
legalage_18: and then that makes me wonder what his intentions are
Me: he did not put on any movies
Me: and we sat and had plenty of inappropriate convos w/guys before and thought nothing else
Me: he just happens to not be bullshitting
legalage_18: that's what's disturbing.
legalage_18: But again, if you're happy that's all that matters but I feel like as a friend I should let you know my concerns
Me: funny how some of things I told u about him, that I thought were out there to me turned out to be fun to u, but now ur concern
Me: again, we're OPEN and I love that about us, I want a guy to feel free to be himself and trust me enough to be real w/me
Me: again what he likes to do in bed is a fraction of my interest in him, he treats me well, we've a lot in common, I enjoy doing things with him (outside the bedroom) and I appreciate the quality time-these are things u do w/ a companion and NOT a fuck buddy
legalage_18: well I know he's not a fuck buddy or a sugar daddy
legalage_18: that's why I didn't say those things
Me: I meet his friends and vice versa, we’re taking things slow and I don’t know where things will lead, one day at a time, again I'll be more than happy to follow suit to those setting a good example for me
legalage_18: I know it's refreshing to deal with someone who's being honest with you and not playing games but I'm sure you can find these same qualities in someone who just wants to be with you and no one else.
legalage_18: we're coming out of an age group where all guys did was play games and lie but I think the older we get the easier it will be to find those things.
Me: its NOT about being w/me and no one else, when I met him he was seeing other people that isn’t odd for a person single. I am not looking for exclusive just yet, after time I'll see, the ideal isn’t to met a guy off the street and make it exclusive without knowing him. There's nothing wrong w/ seeing other people just like I am not turning down anyone who approaches me today, I am free to meet people
legalage_18: you're right, lots of people do that but it's unhealthy to have multiple sex partners.
legalage_18: That's something that's a little less common
Me: this is only an issue when I say Mr. Godiva I want it to be me and you, and he continues to do his thing. ONLY then do I need to worry about our situation, I can care less who he kicks it with now, when during this past 7 day week I spent at least 5 days with him-not just fucking
Me: alright not going to continue the great debate, as long as I am NOT coming to you complaining or bitching about my situation w/ him (which I have had nothing but good things to say) all this "advice"/suggestions is pointless. And everyone has an opinion and is willing to speak on whatever. But again it is through example when I take shit more concrete
legalage_18: exactly, I have no intentions of saying anything else about your friendship/relationship with Mr. Godiva.
legalage_18: These are your decisions
legalage_18: that i'm not trying to give you advice.
legalage_18: seriously, it's not my place to do that. I don’t want to be that type of friend.
legalage_18: it's not constructive.
Me: I value my friends opinions, but when it comes to dealing w/men and relationships u and I will never relate because u've never been through these things...whereas w/other people they understand the trials and tribulations of the love game
legalage_18: that's why I think it's a good idea for you to have more conversations like this with your brothers.
legalage_18: especially your older brother
Me: once again I just said yesterday was that breaking point for me...I GET THAT, that’s what was trying to happen yesterday
Me: but there are some things I care to discuss w/ my girls
Me: This is what I do
legalage_18: of course
Me: ur not telling me anything I don't know nor attempting to do, I am just reevaluating the things I discuss w/u
legalage_18: and that's fine.
legalage_18: I can't predict the future; all I can do is offer up an honest opinion.
Me: k


T.C. said...

I totally understand your point...some times you can tell your friends things, but it really comes down to what you think and feel about the situation...with all that has gone down with me and the buddy..I had some folks saying DEAD him, others give him a chance, and others follow your heart...but the thing is YOU are the ONLY one that has to live with your one is perfect, I mean think about it, what can his friends be saying about you "oh she is just a young girl trying to get some money, all she wants is a sugary Daddy...." now you and I BOTH KNOW that is NOT the case...but people are ALWAYS going to have something to say about it...

you just never know what folks are saying...that's why its BEST to communicate with your partner and make sure you two are ON the SAME page and go from there...I mean its important to get outside input and opinions because sometimes other can see what we can't...but most times if we listened to our inner voice we would KNOW the real deal too...

so just go for what YOU know...

Blu Jewel said...

over the years, i've realized that there are things you share and things you dont. in addition, you pick wisely with whom you'll disclose certain things to. it seems your "friend" was not the best person to share this information with as she has no regard for confidentially, boundaries, and your feelings. Now, you know her better than i, so this is all my opinion.

the relationship is between you and he and while you may want insight from others, it's not always a requisite. your happiness will come from your feelings, from him, and how you both are together. the thoughts, comments, and/or opionions of others are their thoughts. if the man is making you happy, treating you well, inspiring you, and the plethora of other positive things that are or could be occuring, then stick it out.

from everything i've read about you, you have a good head on your shoulders and would not let anyone take advantage of you. so again i say, "DO YOU". too many of us miss our blessings cause we let outside influences rule us. don't block yours sweetie and just enjoy yourself.

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