Saturday, March 25, 2006

It must have been LOVE

For some reason today my relationship with my ex boyfriend came into mind. I already admit he was my first true love (but in the past I have used that term rather loosely). However, looking back at all of the things I experienced with this guy it must have meant I was in love. I stepped out of my once shallow requirements and gave this a guy a fair chance. I couldn't base his value to me off of the money he had, how much he spent on me, how good he looked, and what car he drove. And I am eternally grateful for my experience at Southern University that initiated the change in the woman I am becoming.

I lived on campus all of my college days (something I preferred). During my senior year my ex and I were pretty serious. He lived off campus, and I pretty much stayed at his place. His house wasn't exactly something I would rush off to spend money to live in. But I loved my man. I often left the comforts of a decent modern dorm room to stay in a bug infested house my man called home. He didn't have bedroom furniture for a while when he first moved out on his own. I remember leaving my bed to go sleep on a mattress on the floor with my man. At the time the entire experience seemed surreal. I was disgusted by his living conditions, but I still stayed not complaining as often as I could help.

I remember the first time I went to his hometown. I had never seen such living conditions. I am not meaning to say these things as if I am little Miss Beverly Hills, but again we come from two completely different worlds. I learned by being in the South there is a difference between City poor and Country poor. Even driving through the hood in Los Angeles I had never seen such poverty stricken surroundings.

Again he wasn't the best dressed kid on the block and I was so to the extreme left. I still walked proudly around campus and to events hand and hand with my man. I had to remind him to groom on a regular basis (something new to me). There were a lot of firsts with this guy. But the most valuable aspect of our relationship was the ability to know that I can love and be loved unconditionally. He knew me completely, the woman behind the glam persona. The vulnerable woman who was in need of someone to truly love her, the woman who wanted to be treated like the most important thing in the world, and the woman who didn't have to put on a show.

I ended this loving relationship due to only one reason and one reason only. He would rather remain in Louisiana and sees nothing else past the state borders. This guy graduated undergrad top of his class and could have went to any graduate school in the nation for free. He had top schools writing him letters. But because of FEAR he stayed and is staying in Louisiana. He says his reason to stay is to be close to his family. I have lived 2,500 miles away from my entire world for the past 6 years. And the road is still scary for me, but I am making it. I see my family as often as possible and since it's only me I can travel to see them when I like to. I tried to get him to see things from my point of view. I don't understand how someone with all of that potential would want to stay in a state that doesn't have any opportunities for advancement. I am not saying there aren't successful people in Louisiana but they are the minority. Louisiana doesn't have nor project this elite lifestyle anywhere in the state.

So now I am back out in the dating race and optimistic about having that kind of love again with my true match. Some people thought my reason for breaking up wasn't that big of an issue, since he loved me so much. I even had a friend's mother tell me I wasn't going to find anyone better than him( I couldn't believe her at the time she was telling me this, I was actually amused). See this is called FEAR. People tend to be afraid of the unknown, which is why people in general don't take risks. I took a risk to go to college in ass backwards Louisiana and it was the best thing for me (self-development wise). I moved to Dallas, with no family base, no job, but a willingness to be on my own. And so far after two years things have only gotten better. So I truly laugh at FEAR, and I am not too afraid to end a good relationship that isn't allowing me to elevate to higher levels in which I am destined to be. I am more importantly not afraid to be single while Mr. Right prepares to find me. Yes, I was in love...

No comments:

What I Have To Say