Confessions of an Everyday Woman

They say what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger...

2011-11-17T12:01:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting here in a waiting room at a hospital while my fiancé is undergoing brain surgery. I don't have the energy to explain how we got here but here I am. Talk about the true test of love and having faith. We've know about this issue for about three weeks and have spent the time waiting for the scheduled day for surgery.

I have never gone through something so traumatic and stressful. The level of anxiety I feel is unreal. We have about four to five hours left. The nurse will call us every hour to give us an update. I stayed with him until they wheeled him away from me. We will get through this but God this period of waiting is the worst.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

I Got This...

2011-10-20T09:57:00.001-04:00

You are very much in control of your actions, especially when it comes to eating. For the past week and a half, I have been on my “eating right” kick. I am actually doing South Beach’s Phase I. It’s my old regimen for a little boast on the weight lost path. I use to do it quite often when I was in undergrad. My mother had me a little self-conscious when I would return home (L.A.) from being away at school in Louisiana.
What I've discovered, so far is I am in control of my eating habits. Last week was one of the most trying weeks to-date at my job. We’re working on budgets and it’s been the most stressful project. It’s amazing how unorganized and chaotic a company can be. I worked about 60 hours easy during this week. At any rate, under normal eating patterns a drink was highly in order. However, during the phase I, you are not allowed any alcohol. I was proud of myself for not giving into the urge to have drink. It was only the prior week when I attended two happy hours and had plenty to drink.
My weakness are desserts and bad carbs (how many are not addicting to these). I just finished my menstrual cycle, a time when I usually indulge in sweet treats. Yet this time, I was in control. It’s interesting what you learn about yourself as you begin new habits. I am done with this phase on Monday (10/24) and I am looking forward to continuing fighting the urge to win this eating battle.

In other news, I am now planning my wedding. To be continued…

Crucial Conflicts...

2011-06-26T13:42:00.001-04:00

Am I ready for marriage?

I am excited about my upcoming trip to Vegas for two reasons; one I will have the chance to spend some time with my Mom. Two, we're planning on touring some venues to possibly host my wedding. Now how can I start a post with my question and be excited about planning a wedding? Perhaps, because they are two very different things.

I am excited about the joy of planning this day and yet there are some issues within our relationship. Sometimes, I find myself wondering if marriage is what I want with this person? Then there are other times when I can't wait to start a family with him. I am deeply in love with my guy, I just wonder about little things.

Can I be everything he wants me to be? Can he be everything I want him to be?

They say money and sex can be the root of the problem in every relationship. I am finding that to be very true. While I am on the fast track to establishing my career, he's going through a career change. His industry has changed and in a way makes it difficult to attain the level of success others have had in the past, including him.

So now he's going through the period of finding himself and testing other industries. I support him completely during this transition and I know it's been hard. However, a part of me wonders will things pick up for him? If not, am I okay with being the "breadwinner"?

I work my ass off to provide myself pleasures I desire without relying on a man to supply them for me. At the same time, I want to empower my guy to be the head of our household. How do you do that when you are financially taking care of the household as the woman?

I've been struggling with these thoughts for most of this year. I by no means want to leave my guy simply because he's not making more than me. But I can't help but have these feelings every time I pay a house bill. As a result of these feelings, my level of intimacy has changed. One has a direct effect on the other.

I mentioned wanting to do premarital counseling just to ensure we're heading the right direction...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Never Keeping Secret...

2011-05-01T16:36:00.000-04:00

This past week was a turning point in our relationship. Before I go into that, my mom was here during this time. I had a great visit with her. She visits me annually here in Dallas.

My boyfriend just discovered a minor secret I have been withholding. He found out about my birthmark that I have hidden from pretty much everyone outside of my immediate family. It happened in a strange and unexpected way. I was up (like any usual workday morning) having breakfast while watching the news. He happened to walk into the kitchen to make coffee and while saying hello he noticed a small mark on my face. His natural reaction was he thought something was wrong and I had a rash. I jumped up and ran out of the room as if someone yelled fire.

I was mortified, this was not suppose to happen this way and how the hell do I get out of this? I hide in the bathroom and he came after me. I refused to open the door (yes, I was seriously bugging out at this point). I started to put on my makeup, which he never knew is my ultimate “cover up”. I decided not to apply too much foundation; after all he did see something. But I was scared, how do I explain myself? After fifteen minutes of me acting like a weirdo, I came clean and told him about my birthmark. At first he was upset that I kept this a secret for almost three years. I don’t know when I would have told. During the conversation, he understood my issue with my birthmark and disclosure.

I don’t sleep with makeup on; I always take it off at night. However, it’s the very last thing I do and the lights are out. I get up before he does and simply go to bathroom, apply and go about my business. So if I don’t want you to know its there, you won’t. I have life long friends that don’t know this about me. As a result of this I scheduled a dermatology appointment just to see what my options are. I later told my mom about my boyfriend’s discovery and she had no clue that I never told him about it. She was also a bit disturbed that I am so self-conscience about it.

I haven’t been comfortable with what I consider a surface imperfection for quite some time. My boyfriend wondered if there were any other things I was hiding. The answer is NO. After revealing this, I must say I feel like a huge burden has been lifted. But there’s still progress to go because I will continue to keep it from the world (at least for now). Again, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have such a great man in my life.

The Hair

2011-04-12T09:01:00.004-04:00

In response to Chocolate Mom's comment, I wanted to share this photo as evidence on why I don't deal w/ my own hair,lol. I promise if you could show me how to maintain this hair (naturally), exercise, and survive in this southern heat..I'm game! I don't like braids and I work in corporate america so I don't want to freak out clients/co-workers, lol.

This photo was taken right after a blow drying session...

...

2011-03-31T21:11:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I want to just say fuck it, I’d rather be single. It’s the very feeling I have right now that makes me question am I happy? We’re going on three years and eight months of living together. All of the true colors are showing and I am second-guessing everything. Is this just going through the motions of a relationship or is this being redundant? We’re starting to argue (disagree) a little more than we use. The honeymoon phase feels a little faded. We’re getting agitated more easily and we just seem to be on edge.

I feel somewhat claustrophobic and I need my space. I miss coming home after work to a quiet house and just being lazy on the couch watching tv. But now I have to share my space with another person (that is, if I don’t want to live alone). Our relationship isn’t unhealthy, I just wonder if I have it in me anymore? Have I moved on subconsciously? I love my boyfriend and I want to marry him. But I don’t want to move forward in the same capacity we’re currently in. Just thinking…

My Hair vs. Me (and I lost)...

2011-03-31T10:29:00.002-04:00

I can't wait until this Saturday, that is when I will be getting my weave put back in. So I happily admit I lost the battle between wearing my natural hair and trying to have some sort of a healthy lifestyle. My issue was cardio and not sweating out my hair, the typical black girl problem. For the past month and a half, I have been doing not as mush working out yet getting my hair done every week. The problem with my hair now is it's not use to being out, so it has to be done every week ( there's just way too much going on, lol).

So weave time it is. I will be so happy when I can once again sweat until my heart is content and not have a scary Afro. I can then go back to getting my hair done every two weeks, my pocket book would be a little happier. More importantly, I refuse to let hair get in the way of me achieving my goals of living an active and healthy lifestyle. For black women it is something we struggle with because of our hair. But thank God for blessing me with a great hairstylist who can whip some hair.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

I'm not my hair, or am I?

2011-02-13T17:33:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I went to the hair salon and decided to not wear a weave for the next few weeks. Since it's black history month, I guess figured I'll go natural,lol. Besides, my guy wanted me to wear my hair. I love weaves and it's a very addictive type of hair style. I primarily wear weaves because it gives my real hair a chance to growth and remain healthy. When you see how much hair I have, you would wonder why I even bother with a weave. But I say for one, don't assume every woman wearing extensions doesn't have hair of her own. I am very conservative with my hair selections. I don't wear loud colors,mainly because I work in corporate america and I don't want to alarm anymore,lol.

I do like the freedom of wearing very long hair or even different textures of hair. My next hair choice is going to be wavy. I think it'll be a good Spring/Summer hair do. The idea is you can wet, set, and go. We'll see what my coworkers and tenants have to say about my real hair. I wonder if some will even notice?

What's New?

2011-02-10T20:40:00.002-05:00

So we're in the second month of the year. It seems like only yesterday we were saying happy New Year. So much has gone on but it feels like much more needs to be done. I have jump started a few new habits for 2011. The most important is probably getting financially fit. I am working with my mother's advisor and hoping to secure a stable future, so I can retire young and enjoy my life. I have a trainer I have been working with since last November. I swear as you get older, it's so damn easy to pick up the pounds and/or not be physically active. Food is my pitfall. But with focus, I will remain in control.

Perhaps, if I updated this blog more often it wouldn't feel so heavy to write what's been going on. This weather in Dallas is driving me crazy.I hate the winter because I am not a fan of snow. We had a bad snow storm last week (during superbowl) and I thought it would never end. Of course it could be worst and I could live in the midwest or northeast. I think we are all ready for the spring.

My cousin's mother is in the hospital in critical condition and it's not looking good. I can't imagine what they are going through. But then again, I lost my father and it still hurts like hell. I can't imagine not having my mother. She is my rock, my hero, and my buddy. I talk to her everyday, sometimes several times a day.

This is a post of me just rambling. But I promise to write more....

Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2010-12-23T11:54:00.001-05:00

I can’t believe Christmas is less than two days away and a new year is right around the corner. This year started off full of uncertainty along with many trials and tribulations. Professionally I thought I was being punished in my former position/company with no end in sight. Then a miracle happened in late summer and the opportunity of a lifetime changed the game completely. You see it’s never on your time, but it’s always on time. Four months later I finally feel like I am working with a manager who supports and believes in me. More importantly my manager is a man and I must say it’s a breath of fresh air.

As the year comes to a close, I end it on a higher note. Since my departure from my last company I was able to be more active in my professional organization which resulted in a lot of praise recognition. I was awarded 2010 Outstanding New Member and Future Vision Award. I admit it felt great to be recognized by my peers and people I look up to in our industry. For the first time I truly feel like my hard work is paying off and I am on the right path. My, the road can be rocky and rough.

In my personal life My Guy and I are going well. We’re celebrating our first Christmas together this year. I usually go home for the holidays. We bought our first tree and I influenced him to get into the holiday spirit. I must say its great being in love during this time of year. However, everything isn’t perfect. The past month or so, we have run into the issue of him snoring. I don’t know where this little annoying habit came from? But it’s driving me crazy. I have had to sleep on the sofa and wear ear plugs. I’m seriously considering this anti-snore pillow from Brookestone. But this is the joy of living together and I guess I shouldn’t complain.

Merry Christmas to all!

Lil Ms. Admim

2010-10-06T21:29:00.001-04:00

So just when things are going so perfect at my job, I find out I have the admin from hell. She’s 23 years old working on her undergrad degree online and a mother of a 15 months old daughter. Nothing is wrong based off that description, but my beef with her stems from the fact that this bitch is saity she didn’t get my position. Never mind the fact that I am more than qualified, Masters degree and experience. She’s an over eager and wet-behind the ears rookie rubbing me the way. Keep in mind I am her boss but this trick obviously missed the memo since I share her with three other managers who are higher ranking than me. Perhaps that may be the reason she feels she can do the damn fool.

So now I am trying to figure out how to be diplomatic with this rookie who keeps trying to act as if we’re in the same position. It’s been awhile since I’ve worked with someone so confused. I’m not sure if its immaturity, lack of experience, or just straight boldness. At any rate we’re having a come to Jesus meeting very soon because something has got to give. At her age or even role in the game I wasn’t so ballsy. But then again I am a black woman in corporate america and we know there’s no playing that. It’s a trip because she keeps saying she wants to learn and I have no problem with someone wanting to better themselves. She’s only been in the industry all of six months so don’t step on my toes and I’ve been in the game over five years.

To be continued…

3rd Quarter Report

2010-09-12T11:54:00.000-04:00

Let me first say Happy Birthday to all of my fellow Sapphires. I can’t believe its September already and it’s been so long since I’ve written a post. I love my new job (its been a month). I have done more this past month than I did the entire 15 months at my last job with the same title. My Guy and I have officially moved in together about two weeks now. Where we ended up works perfectly with our future planning. I wont lie and say in the past two weeks, we weren’t brought to the point of our limits. Between the general stress involved in moving, we found ourselves arguing a little more than usual.

There was a brief moment when I questioned if I was making the right decision. Do I want to move in with this man even though I love him? Am I ready to be 24/7 with this man? You fall in love with the idea, but now is the time to put up or shut up and it scared me. For most of this year I was already an emotional roll coaster because of the stress from my last job, which not only affected me internally but my relationship with him. I am now on the path to healing but there’s still a road of recovering I am going through. But that’s the beauty of love.

I love waking up every morning to him; I love coming home to him. I am so grateful to be in a loving and healthy relationship. I know we will not agree on everything and there will be things that annoy both of us, but we’re ride or die. So I mentioned we’re planning for our future. Initially, I wanted to live in a trendy and overpriced area of town. Particularly a high-rise apartment, I felt it wasn’t wise for us to purchase property together not being married yet. After many tours/viewings, we ended up choosing a property my company owns. Not only is the property unique (development wise) I also get an employee discount. By moving in together we’re saving for our wedding (which will take place in 2012) and towards a down payment for a home. Its looks like the 3rd quarter of the year is turning out great for us.

We look forward to the holidays this year. We are hosting Thanksgiving. I guess more importantly I am truly merging my life with this man. For the first time I have to share everything ( and I am a big brat) but growth is good.

I Quit 2010!!!

2010-07-27T12:00:00.000-04:00

It’s never delivered on your time, but its always right on time. Last Friday (7/23/10) I resigned from my current employer. I thought the day would never come. I have been actively looking since April and finally two companies expressed high interest within the past two weeks. I’ve gone through several interviews and “hook ups” but nothing materialized (at least not on my time). I received my offer letter via Fed Ex on that same Friday from the company I wanted to work for.

It’s been a long road of mental anguish and high levels of stress. I swear I wouldn’t wish these last few months on my worst enemy. I was beginning to wonder what had I done in my younger years to deserve such bullshit. But God is good and I came out much stronger and wiser. Once I gave my two weeks notice, a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders and I look forward to the day when I drive out of this parking garage for the last time. My new manager is a male and he’s young. I am guessing early to mid 30s. I am happy to work under a man for once. In my experience, women perpetuate all of the stereotypes as to why we can’t get along. This remains true regardless of how old we become.

I look forward to gaining peace of mind. I look forward to being healthy and happier whole-heartedly. No job is work your sanity and this job sucked ass because of the managers.

Day 1: Peeling Throgh My Layers

2010-06-17T10:10:00.002-04:00

I am currently in route to L.A. to celebrate my mom’s retirement. I swear our lives are so parallel. The past few months have been so toxic for me mentally its no point in even going into details. The good news is this trip will serve double purpose. As my mother ends an important chapter and starts a new one, I will be doing essentially the same. My job isn’t working out and shit has hit the fan and that’s all I am saying at this time for the sake of leaving the baggage in Dallas (for now). I will say from this point on I am in search of what I want to do with myself (professionally). I have people willing to help me. I just need to figure out with all of my skills, education, talents, and resources; what the hell will make me happy? Is it commercial real estate?

I am so unhappy with my professional life that I am letting it affect other aspects of my life. I am go grateful to have a loving and understanding boyfriend. I swear he is my rock and I would be nowhere without him. So here’s to this experiment for the next few days. The goal is to come back home feeling renewed and with a better sense of myself. Things will get better. I’ve just never been here before and its scary but I am ready to tackle this like the champ that I am…

Funny Thing About Love...

2010-04-17T17:43:00.001-04:00

I’m so in love and it’s been almost tow years of bliss for my boyfriend and I. Yet, I have some conflicting emotions. I love him but I’m coming to terms with the fact that relationships take work. In less than two months we’re moving in together and I feel like a part of me is going away. Or am I just being selfish? I love him and our relationship but sometimes I get nervous about moving forward. Are we really meant to be forever? Am I wrong to even have these thoughts? He makes me happy on so many levels. The idea of living with someone (your significant other) means you’re no longer living a life about you. There is no such thing as “going back to my place”.

Everything will work out; I’m just having a few jitters and experiencing some light turbulence on our journey through life. It does feel good to be loved and to be with someone who you know at the end of the day has your back no matter what…

I Love You!!

Things Are Looking Up!!!

2010-04-14T07:53:00.002-04:00

My, its been way too long since I've posted. I've landed an interview with my dream company scheduled for tomorrow. I am too excited. Talk about practicing the art of being patient. Even though nothing is finalized yet, I am so grateful to have the opportunity to speak with several people. To be honest none of this would have been possible without the help of a certain professional organization I belong to. Shout out to the ladies of Commercial Real Estate Women (CREW). It's all about who you know and never have I met so many women willing to help me out. I highly recommend being involved in any organization that is relevant to your goals/interests. To be continued...

The Season Will Soon Change...

2010-02-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just felt stuck or trapped? I’m reading two books currently book 1. Too big to fail (good book) and book 2. The power of patience. I would say book number 2 is probably the most necessary for me right now. I’m seriously at a crossroad when it comes to my job. I’m no longer happy and it’s affecting not only my mental state but also my physical health. I’ll spare the details for now and just say it really unnecessary bullshit and I’d much rather join another firm than deal with this bullshit.

Life is extremely too short to live life at a job being unhappy and I don’t believe in such things. Thank God for my boyfriend, family and friends who are extremely supportive during this time. This will get better; it’s just the typical corporate drama bullshit. The only difference is I am dealing with a few amateurs, which makes the situation even more ridiculous/frustrating. I’m not one to ever “run” away from a problem but I also know when to pick my battles. In the meantime, I’ll stay focus clock in, do my job well and clock out. But there is definitely a bright light flashing at the end of the tunnel…

The Asshole of the Century Award Goes to…

2010-01-22T10:31:00.000-05:00

Here’s an email exchange between one of my managers and me. She left two bills w/ a post it note asking me to create a tenant adjustment form to bill then back for the charges. Well as I was beginning to fill out the form I noticed she didn’t tell me who the tenant was. So I sent the following email.

Dear Asshole,

I read the instructions to create a TAF to billback the bills. However, I don't know who to bill them back to. Please advise.

Thank you!
Me

Her Response:
Who just moved into ste 116?
That should help you solve the mystery. Thanks

How about fuck you and just answer the question.

A New Year Means New Things...

2010-01-09T19:47:00.000-05:00

Happy 2010!!

It’s weird to even say or write 2010. For the past few days I’ve have this overwhelming need to make changes this year. I am no different than everyone else with the same promises. I have no resolution and I continue to make sure every year has personal progression. I don’t believe in making the same mistakes over and over, year after year.

There are a few major life-changing decisions that need to be address during this year’s first quarter. The first is my living situation with My Guy. We have plans to move in together this spring or summer. Last night we had a serious conversation about the magnitude of our plans. For him, he’s ready to go full throttle. He has also lived with a woman before. Myself on the other hand, have never lived with a guy and have a few habits/pleasures I need to make sure I am flexible on. For starters, I love my space. I love coming home to a place that is quiet and all mine. If I don’t feel like being bothered than I’m not. But when you’re living with someone that goes out the window.

We discussed how we would allow time for each to have space, but there comes a point when I have to realize my life isn’t about me solely anymore. I am selfish and self-centered mainly because at the end of the day, the only person I’ve had to worry about is me. I have neither kids nor pets, so no other being requires my attention on a constant basis. But at what point will I realize it’s not about me? I guess that time is now. I don’t want to be alone all for sake of maintaining “independence”.

I’m ready to move with him and I love how patient he is with me. That’s the beauty of our age difference (7years); he admitted five years ago it might have been a problem. He’s committed to being in a relationship with me for the rest of our lives. I am committed to walking this journey with him. I am just scared about a few things. But since when have I let fear determine my decisions? Not usually.

We talked about the holiday season. This past Christmas, I went home (L.A.) to be with my family, without a thought of staying in Dallas. I know he spends Christmas with his son and so I didn’t think to invite him. But he was surprised that I didn’t entertain the thought of staying. However, this year I will be staying here and it makes me a little sad. A part of growing up and being in a relationship, is moving on from childhood traditions and creating my own. I am by no means complaining about the relationship “issues” I have. After all, I am very happy and blesses that someone loves me so much. I guess I am just a little anxious about the unknown and the journey ahead.

Seasons Greetings...

2009-12-21T12:59:00.000-05:00

This morning I am sitting here at my mother’s desk in her office, I am home for Christmas and too excited. I got into town yesterday afternoon and its feels good to be home for the holidays. It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. I’ll first recap Thanksgiving. My Guy & I went to my brother’s house in Arizona for turkey day. This has been a tradition for my dad’s side of the family for the past five years. I thought it would be a great opportunity for my family to meet the man in my life.

As the days were getting closer, I was a little nervous mainly because of my older brother and uncle. But the visit was very pleasant. We arrived on Thanksgiving morning and the day couldn’t have been more perfect. My Guy fit right in with the family. We ate well, watched football, played games, laughed, and had an overall great time. To our surprise, my brother invited My Guy to play golf with him on Friday. For one, I didn’t know my brother played (lol). But it was an excellent opportunity for them to bond and get to know each other.

It was during this trip when I decided I didn’t want to run off and elope w/ My Guy, but I now want a nice size wedding celebrating our love. We are going to now get married in Las Vegas. It’s the perfect location for my family (located mainly on the west coast) and his family in Texas. It’s been my family tradition to hang out in Vegas for vacations growing up. Seeing My Guy get along so well with my family inspired me to want to include as many people as possible on that big day.

Back to my Christmas trip home… I am so excited to here, yet it’s also bittersweet. It may be a while before I am in California for Christmas. Part of being in an evolving relationship is the joys of blending and creating new family holiday traditions. We’re moving in together next year so we may even host Christmas at our house (who knows). I love coming home for the holidays (hell, that’s all I’ve done) and now I’ll have to begin my own celebrations. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I must say Santa (God) has been very good to me this year. I look very much forward to a successful, loving, and prosperous new year. I wish that for everyone….

My Baby's Day...

2009-11-16T16:20:00.000-05:00

I decided to take the day off; I didn’t want to step into the real world from such a wonderful weekend. This past weekend was My Guy’s birthday. The actual day was Sunday (11/15), I didn’t have too much planned for the weekend since he has his son, but I did plan something special for Sunday. I have a friend who works at a nice restaurant here in Dallas called The Capital Grille and asked her to hook us up with the royal treatment.

During that day he had no clue what was in store for him. He played golf during the day while I planned for our evening. Dinner was set for 6:00pm, I drove and while in my car I made him put on blindfolds. As we pulled up to the restaurant I had the valet leave him in the car while I quietly had his birthday cake put away. I took a sneak peeked at our table which was beautiful. She has a big balloon, confetti, candles, and a six-pack of his favorite beer chilled in an ice bucket. I went back to my car to retrieve my guest of honor (still blindfolded) and walked him to our table.

As we stood in front our table I removed the blindfolds and he was pleasantly surprise to see our friend (who also served us) and the wonderful birthday display. I am still stuffed from all of the food we ate. Dinner was fabulous we dinned on a six-course meal and plenty of drinks flowing throughout the night. Even though the restaurant was somewhat crowded, it felt like only the two of us were there. He loved his surprise and the other gifts I gave him that day, but what I think we both enjoyed was experiencing another memory together.

So as a result of having a great weekend with my love, I opted out on returning so fast to the corp. bullshit waiting…

Hump Day...

2009-11-11T23:09:00.001-05:00

Happy to be home after a long workday, it wasn’t too bad today and I even got the pleasure of seeing one of my bad managers get checked by our department head. I guess rather than let the two get the best of me, I am trying to figure out how to control my attitude and just remain cool. I just don’t understand how people can be so unhappy and insecure that they have to attempt to bring others down to their hell. I can tell their so much lacking in their lives outside of the office, that the only way they feel in power is when dealing with me. But unfortunately this girl has been and will be going places these two can only dream of experiencing.

I am currently reading a book “ 17 Principle to Success” by Napoleon Hill. It’s been my balance the past few days. I’ve got to remember to work on me and not worry about these two fools.

Day 1...

2009-11-02T20:46:00.001-05:00

So today I started my new “eating plan”. I am seeing my family for Thanksgiving and I want to tighten up a little bit these days. Truth is told I’ve been reviewing some recent photos of myself and I can see the weight gain. On a daily basis I guess in my head I’ve become accustomed to what I see and even though some clothes are more fit than others, I kept eating however I felt. Well today, is all about change.

I am a foodie and I love to eat. But I have to remember I am not 15 years old and the body isn’t agreeing with my eating habits. My Guy is unbelievably supportive of me and never makes me feel undesirable. However, I know what I look like at my best and I need to find that woman ASAP. But it’s hard to go healthy. Not only is it freaking expensive but in some cases time consuming. For instance, I am trying out an eggplant recipe and it’s taking me like 2 hours to freaking eat. I am so starving, the food is now cooling off but damn it I could have had a quick and easier meal an hour and a half ago.

Here’s to day a successful day one and a healthier 13 more days ☺

Things on My Mind...

2009-10-31T15:20:00.001-05:00

Today I wanted to enjoy a day of doing nothing and as I sit around doing nothing, my mind is consumed with many thoughts. I am happy it’s the weekend and I get 48 hours to myself, only to start it all over again on Monday morning. When did life become all about dreading a Monday and looking forward to a Friday? Work is going pretty good overall but it’s a constant battle of maintaining my sanity and not letting others bother me. I am currently in search of a local female mentor and preferably one who is African American and works in my industry. The quest is appearing harder than I thought, but really to no surprise.

I work in commercial real estate and I have always been the “one”. But I am determined to find a woman in Dallas who is dynamic in this game. I am particularly interested because at this point I feel I need some advice/encouragement from someone who is directly playing the same game. I am having a hard time conforming to some of the ways of Corporate America, not to mention the subtle hints of racism I am often encountering. More importantly, I just need to be around women who enjoy what we do as well as who are great at their jobs.

My Guy and I are doing well but there are times when I question, “If I am truly ready?”. I love him with all of my heart and he makes me completely happy. However, I wonder if minor things will eventually become turn offs to me. The main issue is his dog. I am not a dog person and I have been somewhat forced to love his dog. I enjoy Peanut; he’s a sweet dog (a datsun). But I don’t want to live with a dog. He promised his niece that he would not get rid of the dog and he’s not feeling my idea of returning him to his niece. Is a dog a deal breaker for me?

A part of me wonders am I being selfish or should I stand my ground. We’re not moving in together any time soon, but it is the next step in our relationship. Besides the dog we are also going back and forth on where to live still. I don’t want to live in the suburbs because of the longer commute to work. I don’t want to live with a dog. So what is a girl to do? I understand relationships are about compromise, but what are my limits??

Another Day for a Freaking $1.00

2009-10-08T20:45:00.002-04:00

Thank God it’s almost Friday! This week has kicked my ass in a major way. This post is about my frustrations at work as I anxiously wait to attend another weekly property management meeting. Don’t get me wrong; I love my job, the people I work with, and the future opportunities. But I DISLIKE two of my four managers. The fact that I assist four people is a subject for another day but the fact that two of them get on my fucking nerve is making me my own worst enemy.

Let’s quickly describe these two characters whom I will refer to in future posts (yes, there will be more) by nicknames. Ms. Black, who isn’t an African American woman but she wears the color black EVERYDAY. She’s arrogant and even condescending. I find it ironic that she tries to appear uppity yet she’s quite simple and country (in hickish way). She only talks to me when she needs something, and this is usually via email. She doesn’t give me any tasks that require more than one brain cell. She’s also the world’s definition of micromanager. It’s to the point where I don’t want to do shit for her. She talks to me (via email) like I am a freaking retard or GED recipient, yet she has little to no higher educational background. As her assistant property manager I know NOTHING about her properties. She keeps all of this information stored in her little black box. However, an unexpected turn of events happened last Friday, which required her to be out the entire week (this week). So guess who has to run the show in her absence? ME, well perhaps if Ms. Black/Insecure would keep me informed on a daily basis; I wouldn’t have gotten 50 emails from her this past Sunday to get me up to speed.

So all week, I’ve been busting my ass doing all of these random ass bullshit assignments while she’s away. The good thing is I handle the job and took care of business. I am sure come next week, I’ll be back to making her file labels, which I did incorrectly (another story). Im sorry my MBA program didn’t teach nor quiz me on how to create file labels. However, I can analyze the hell out of any company’s financial statements, lol.

Manager number 2: Ms. Retard. This one is a piece of work. This is the laziest woman I’ve ever worked under. This whoreface gives me EVERYTHING. I am quite sure she looks through her “things to do” list just to see what she can pawn off to me. But I thank Ms. Retard for teaching me how to do your job. She’s been with our company a little over a year and how she keeps her job, who the hell knows? So she doesn’t have an office (no room) so she sits in the cubes with us (other assistants). Ms. Retard holds private and personal conversations everyday and all day. I know more about this retard than I ever want to know. She talks about everything from her dysfunctional relationship, her financial troubles, badass kids, and bailing family members out of jail. What puzzles me is why would you let sensitive info about you be overheard in our office? Dumb whore! The other day she really pissed me off, she kept talking about how “she has nothing to do, I’m bored”, yet sending me emails of bullshit things to do. It’s a serious question of: is she really this fucking dumb or does she truly not give a damn?

Either way, these two pieces of trash are making me crazy. I swear it’s so hard to not let them get to me. I won’t say they know fully how much they get under my skin. But I am defiantly not friendly with them as I am with everyone else. I have never been one to fake the funk. I am cordial and professional, but I will never shoot the shit with either one of these two. Everyday I have remind myself to stay focus and not let these devils attempt to block my blessings. But damn where do they find these people? Even worst, how they hell did they get a little bit of authority??

A Very Happy Birthday to Me :)

2009-09-27T12:21:00.002-04:00

My how the month of September flew by. It’s been a week and a day exactly since my birthday and Mexico trip. There aren’t even words to describe how great turning 30 is. I am still in shock that I am 30 years old (lol), but it’s a great feeling. I feel like a woman now. I feel a new level of wisdom and sophistication, yet there’s so much more to learn and experience. This was indeed the best birthday to date. Playa del Carmen was beautiful and I felt like I was on my honeymoon. My Guy did a great job of showing me how loved I am. This was our first “real” trip together and I can honestly say I could do this with him forever.

I don’t want to give every detail but I will share some highlights. The day of my birthday we had breakfast out by the beach and hung out in the pool. We returned to our room and there was our bed covered with rose peddles. The roses were arranged in the shape of a heart with two swans kissing. In between those two swans was a cute little blue box from Tiffany’s. No, it wasn’t an engagement ring, lol. It was the key to his heart, a part of the Tiffany’s key collection. On the night before (Friday) we had a 3-hour romantic massage for two in our room.

I guess my new womanly feeling is a sense of being in real love. I enjoy living our love story. Even with the few bad things that happen in our lives, together we conquer all.

September

2009-09-01T21:41:00.002-04:00

Today is the first day of September, many may say big deal, but this is my birthday month and I am freaking turning 30. A few months ago, I was a little uneasy about turning 30. But I am digging the new decade upon me. My birthday is September 19th and I will be spending this significant birthday with my significant other. We’re going to Mexico. At first, I was a little apprehensive about going south of the border due to media propaganda. However, after hearing from a few people who have recently went out there, the trip was set.

We’re staying at an all-inclusive resort in Playa Del Carmen, and I am too excited. I am not excited about just the trip, but I am turning 30. I feel like I am finally starting to get “it”. I suddenly feel like I am beginning to live the life I am meant to have. My 20’s were all about trial and many errors. I won’t pretend I have the answers now (not at all). But I love the confidence and sense of balance I have now. On the vain side, I love that I don’t look 30 (the amazement when I say how old I am).

Things Are Moving...

2009-08-22T18:39:00.001-04:00

I’ve got to get back into the habit of updating my blog more often. You get so caught up in just “living” I forget to record what’s going on in my life. I’m in the process of moving. Yet I haven’t packed a thing (I bought boxes, lol). I am set to move out next weekend, I am so excited. My current neighborhood is changing (and not for the better) so its time to move on. Not to mention my neighbors above me (older couple) have the world’s heaviest feet. I swear they kill me with their freaking footsteps. So even more reason to get the hell out. Plus my new place is pretty bad ass.

Things w/ My Guy and I are great. I am truly blessed to have such an awesome man in my life. There have been a few challenges recently I’ve had to endure and he’s been right there by my side. Perhaps when the wound has healed I’ll share what happened. But for now, I am grateful for the support system I have. We’re talking about moving in together some time next year. The only dilemma we have is the area we would live in. He doesn’t want to live in Dallas at all, where I don’t want to live in Frisco (suburb outside of Dallas). I personally live in the city because when you start venturing out you realize you’re in Texas, lol. Also the suburbs are so family-oriented, and nothing’s wrong with that. I just don’t currently live that lifestyle. It’s your typical cookie cutter homes, SUVs, kids, dog, and shopping centers. So needless to say we’re still working on our compromise, lol.

Work is good other than my two managers who continue to challenge my strength. I will say this past workweek ended on a very high note. On Friday, I had a meeting with our company’s COO. Let me back up and explain how this happened. A few weeks ago, we got a mass email about our scheduled conference call discussing our quarterly performance. We found out a few weeks prior we wouldn’t get bonuses this year the second time in a row. I wasn’t upset since I am new to the job and this was already a salary increase for me. So in the memo enclosed in the email Mr. COO welcomed questions, comment, or concerns during the call. But of course no one is going to say anything. So the call was set for a Tuesday at 9:00am, and that morning while showering I decided I would email him a question. I sent my question at 8:30am, lol.

After the executives said their piece, it was then time for questions. He read my question anonymously which was “What nonmonetary alternatives were upper management considering to boast and maintain morale within our organization?” He gave some typical bs answer (I don’t remember, lol). But he did end his response opening the floor for suggestions from anyone. Of course, that was my opportunity to put a face with the email and meet the big guy. So I emailed him back and scheduled a time to meet and discuss my suggestions. Well the meeting was brief but it was very good. Before I asked to meet him, I did some research on his personality and leadership style. Since he’s known as being an overall great guy, I felt comfortable making the bold move.

I did casually mention my meeting with my direct report. You have to cross your Ts and dot your Is. Besides, I don’t need people feeling threaten or like I am trying to do something underhanded. I just simply took advantage of an opportunity. Mr. COO asked where did I see myself going professionally “what’s big picture?” I told him my exact intents. I want to move into Asset Management and I am also open to being a Broker. His eyes lit up and I knew I made an impression. But I already did that before I walked in, just because I took the initiative to speak up when asked. I also created a bio to give to him since he doesn’t really know my background. I didn’t want to give him a resume, so I made an impressive one-page bio with my cute picture, lol. So as long as I don’t let my two insignificant managers side track me, things may turn out as planned.

I need to get ready now for date night. I am actually going with My Guy to his son’s mother’s birthday party. Isn’t that too cool? I love how we all get along, there’s no drama between her and I. I actually like her a lot, and she’s even a friend on my facebook profile. She and I use to hang out while we watched their son play flag football, too cool for words.

Anyway, I promise to post more often…

One Day...

2009-07-27T23:17:00.001-04:00

Lately there have been so many emotions regarding my job. I’ll first start this post off by acknowledging I am very grateful for not only being employed but also working in my preferred field. However, I can’t help but feel like my head is constantly being banged against the imaginary glass ceiling. I definitely make no excuses when it comes to overcoming hurdles/ minor set backs, but its frustrating to know some just have it easier simply for being and no other reason. People wonder if racism is still an issue. How could it be after all we have a black president? I say, we still have a long way to go and you see that in the news everyday. Hell, I live my life everyday and see things on a regular basis.

I guess being an intelligent, ambitious, beautiful, and outgoing black woman will indirectly build character. God knows I find myself having to tone down certain aspects of me, so other women won’t feel threatened. This isn’t an angry post, its more frustration and an opportunity to vent. So what are my issues?? I hate the fact that I (as a black woman) will always have to be above average just to be giving a fair chance (i.e. job interviews). I feel I need a Masters just to be considered for an entry to mid level position. I hate the fact that people assume because I am black; I must have grown up in south Dallas (a ‘black” neighborhood, we won’t even begin with the fact that I am not from Texas). It’s interesting how people’s eyes widen when they hear I am graduate student at a certain local prestigious university (I guess I should only have a GED?).

I only seem to make matters worst because I have a warm and outgoing personality (God forbid, I am a happy person). The fact that I out dress just about every woman in my department doesn’t help matters either (its really effortless on my part). Yes, I am very confident and sure of myself. But I am also a dedicated team player and I love what I do. It annoys the hell out of me when others want to attempt to steal my joy or hate on me, just because they’re unsure. After evaluating all of my past experiences in this industry (almost 5 years in commercial real estate) I’ve realized that I have never had a manager who was on top of their game. I mean loved what they do, while kicking ass as they do it. I almost want the “Devil Wears Prada” chick; at least she was great at what she did (to a degree,lol).

I am trying to remind myself daily that its not the problem/issue itself, but more about my attitude towards the situation…

Happy Birthday

2009-07-07T08:06:00.004-04:00

I want to say Happy Birthday to My Daddy! May his beautiful and loving soul rest in peace. I know you're welcoming MJ into your arms and probably gloating about your Lakers. I miss you so much, and I am very grateful to have such a loving father. Like so many lately, you are gone too soon.

I Love You, I Miss You!!
Daddy's Girl

Not Trying to Brag...

2009-06-22T23:13:00.000-04:00

So today while at work I was checking my school email account and noticed an email congratulating me for being a member of the Dean’s Circle at my graduate school. The email also attached a PDF copy of the school magazine I am featured in along with a few other students. I was proud of myself and chose to forward the email to My Guy, mom, and two coworkers I am cool with.

Well about 15 minutes later a mass email when out to my department ccing the CEO of the company sent from our department head with a congratulatory message. I began to cringe when I read it. I asked my co worker why did she send it and she thought our main boss should know the talent he has and to also give a few managers something concrete to hate on. While I am very proud about my accomplishments and where I am going, I am very low profile when it comes to my resume and workplace. I already have to deal with these women insecurities; I don’t feel a need to remind them why they should hate on me.

Its funny I was a little embarrassed by the email and only a few people sent me praises, but at the end of the day I ask why should I be ashamed?

Weekend Loving...

2009-06-21T18:11:00.001-04:00

Just ending another great weekend. My Guy and I got a hotel room for the weekend (just downtown Dallas). It’s funny I’ve lived here for almost five years and there’s so much to Dallas I still don’t know, including downtown. We checked in on Friday evening and stayed until Sunday. The overall point was to not only get away while being in town, but to also get to know each other. It may sound strange since its been almost a year since we’ve started dating, but there’s still so much we’ve got to learn about one another. In fact, it will take a lifetime for us to complete that mission and its something we’re committed to accomplishing together.

It’s been a year (wow what a year). During this trip I learned that I love this man more than I could imagine loving someone and I am amazed at the level of love I feel from him. It’s as if things between us are too perfect. There’s no drama (we’ve hit a few speed bumps but nothing serious) and you wonder is love suppose to be this simple? It’s easy to love him. It hurts when I’m away. Even while typing this post, I am a little sad. I hate saying good-bye to him. We talked about moving in together, but it won’t be until next year. It’s strange I have conflicting thoughts about us shacking up. One part of me wants to live together to minimize the surprises. The other part of me wants to do thing “right” and wait until we’re married. Yet the ironic part is we’re guilty of fornication.

At any rate there’s no rush on either of our parts. We’re just expressing our plans for one another. Again, I feel so grateful to have this guy in my life. There are a few things in my life I could do without, but he makes life so much better and I’ve never known a love like this…

A Month And Four Days After I am Hired...

2009-06-03T20:42:00.000-04:00

So day three of this week nothing major happened, as far no offensive comments or emails. In fact, I would rather forget the past two days. I guess I should back up and tell you what happened the next day (Tuesday) post the “email”. One other manager (not one of mine) had a male visitor drop by her office and he had his son with him. The little boy happened to be playing right outside her office door when I walked by so I started playing with him. At this point the guy and the manager were heading out of her office after the little boy. So I am standing with the kid and she says to her friend “ this is Serena Williams or is it Venus?” The guy says: Maybe you mean Serena she’s prettier of the two.” At that moment I ignored her damn comment smiled at the child and walked away in amazement.

I was offended for a few reasons: 1. You don’t know me like that to give me a “nickname”. 2. Don’t call me anything other than my name when “introducing” me to people. We had a property managers meeting within 10 minutes of this happening so I had to let this simmer for a while and pretend everything is all good. So here we are the next damn day experiencing the raft of people’s badass judgment when it comes to relating to people who don’t look like you. Again, I am not saying her intent was to be malicious. It’s just a classic case of NOT thinking before you freaking speak.

I went to HR, after 2 consecutive days of this bullshit I had to put this on record. I was fair when I spoke to the HR Director; I said I don’t think they meant real harm. But I do think they are getting a little too comfortable with me and they don’t know me like that. She asked how I wanted to handle the situation and I told her I didn’t want any drama just make note and I am moving on. (that was the end of the day Tuesday).

Today our senior VP called me to his office, the HR lady told him what was going on in his department. He again asked if I was okay and he wanted me to feel comfortable talking to him about anything. But in all honesty, I didn’t want this to blown out of proportion and I am not the ultra sensitive black woman you can’t joke with,lol. But I do need grown people to use your head and not be so thoughtless when it comes to interacting with different people.

What do you do???

2009-06-02T19:45:00.004-04:00

So I got this email from my manager who is white. I'll admit she wasn't trying to offend me. I think in her own little retarded way she thought she was "bonding" with me by including me in on this email she sent to a few people in the office. But unfortunately I didn't find the following funny at all:

Little Johnny meets Barack Obama

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes.
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word tragedy.'

So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.'

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm,
is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him that would be a tragedy.'
'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.
I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss.'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room.
'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a trage dy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'

'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss.....and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.'

Operation Gradutation

2009-05-18T20:18:00.000-04:00

Anyway, my mother and I had a great time together. I hadn’t seen her since Christmas. In addition to seeing me graduate, this was also an opportunity for her to meet the love of my life. My Guy and a dear friend planned a dinner party for me that took place after the graduation. I made sure all of my dear friends were invited because I really wanted to just spend the evening with the people who mean the most to me since my family is in L.A. I swear there were moments during the evening when it felt like I was celebrating my engagement. This was also a chance for my loved ones to meet and hang out with the love of my life. I wanted my friends to get to know him; I care about their opinions of us. More importantly I wanted my mom to love him. To have My Guy and my mom watch me walk across the stage and show me so much love and support; brings me to tears full of joy.

I have one of the coolest moms on the planet. Everyone enjoyed her just as much as she enjoyed them. One highlight I’ll share: so my mom decides to ask My Guy to dance, and at that point I thought okay she’s being cool. I didn’t recognize the song initially until the first verse begins and the song is “play that funky music”LOL. In case you didn’t know My Guy is white, so it was absolutely hilarious of her to display her humor while bonding with My Guy. The night was just too perfect.

Like most things, they come to an end. My mom left me yesterday afternoon. We went to the spa (my mother’s day gift) and had brunch before I dropped her off at the airport. I hate saying good-bye to her.

Its now time for My Guy to take a trip West bound to meet the rest of the gang…

Another Milestone....

2009-04-28T08:17:00.002-04:00

This past weekend was great. I had a girlfriend come out to visit me, whom I haven't seen since graduating from undergrad (about 4 and half years ago). We decided back in January to have a reunion in the spring, and boy does time fly. While she was here it was important to me to have her meet My Guy. But even more special to me was sunday afternoon. My Guy's son just started his flag football season and he mentioned wanting me to attend a game or two. Well this past sunday I went along with my friend. The point of attending the games (in his opinion) was to merge the two worlds consisting of the people he loved the most meaning; me & and his son/mother of his son.

So I met her for the first time. I was a little nervous but nothing really out of the ordinary. The visit turned out great and we had a great time together. We sat out on the grass, watched the game, and had great conversation. I love My Guy and anyone he loves.

FYI...I'll post about my new job. Today is day 2 (yeah).

Hot Damn....

2009-04-20T16:53:00.002-04:00

I just got my formal offer over the phone about 10 minutes ago. I decided to start on Monday (4/27) so I can take care of a few items while I have some time off. God is so good. I was starting to get a little anxious, because time was running out on sitting home and burning my savings account along with my unemployment checks. I was afraid I was going to have to take any job at this point. But everything happens for a reasons. My God, so many lessons I've learned from my last two jobs. I understand how to play this game on the corporate plantation. My only objectives are to always be positive and do my best. No more befriending my bosses on a personal level and no more getting caught up in office politics.

I am so grateful to not only land a job in my industry again but now I have so many opportunities in my reach. Oh and let's not forget, I am making more money than my last two jobs :) Yes God is Good!!!

Going Insane...

2009-04-16T14:12:00.003-04:00

I wasn't going to post about this until I knew for sure what my fate is with this job. I am about to head back to their office for a 2nd interview with the director of HR. I have never had a follow up interview with HR directly. I am being positive, but a part of me wants this job so bad its scaring me. My interview is scheduled for 2:00pm today and its 1:13pm. I am about to leave but I needed to get this off of my chest and I didn't want to call anyone before this meeting. I am all talked out, we've rationalized the outcomes of this meeting enough...

Wish me luck!

Still On A High From A Great Weekend...

2009-04-15T11:32:00.001-04:00

I can’t believe the week is at the halfway point. I am still on my high from having a great weekend. My Guy and I hit another milestone, we spent the entire weekend together. So we’re talking almost 72 hours of him and I. On Friday afternoon he informed me of having a “free pass weekend” meaning his son wanted to do his own thing with his friend instead hanging out with dad. So I met him at his house that evening, we didn’t really have any plans in place since things seem to just unfold as we went along. His friend and girlfriend were going to the movies that night and invited us to tag-along.

By the time his friend’s girlfriend reached My Guy’s house he decided we should drive to Okalahoma and visit the Winstar casino. It was so out of the blue; the idea seemed cool as hell so off we went. We had a great time lost some money but I love how spontaneous the trip was. On Saturday we all hung out again and I decided to go out and buy Easter egg dye and make baskets for our guys. Sunday was another good day together. I mentioned before for whatever reason I want to celebrate everything with My Guy. The weekend went very well and I can honestly say I never once felt tired of him or vice versa. However, I did appreciate my time back home on Monday. I won’t say I am ready to move in at this point, but its good to know we can spend a few days together and not want to kill the other after 24 hours.

Quick Catch Up....

2009-04-07T10:25:00.000-04:00

School:
Its coming down to the wire, our commencement ceremony is May 16th. I will participate in the ceremony but I still have to take one class in order to receive my degree. I am torn between my feelings of being close to finishing. There’s a part of me that wants to stay in the world of academia and then there’s a part of me ready to see how high I can fly. But the state of the economy lingers in the back of my mind a little. Once I am done, I’ll be the first African American woman to receive a Masters of Science in Entrepreneurship from my school. I think that’s pretty cool.

This past weekend I participated in a business leadership challenge retreat, which was two days. We stayed at a local hotel and had intense 8-hour days full of getting to know what type of leader you are or can become. Part of the prep work was having observers take a 360 assessment of you. I was a little surprise by my findings. It appears I rated myself lower than my observers. I’m not sure if while taking the assessment I subconsciously tried to not appear too cocky? But at any rate it was a great weekend filled with a lot of self-discovery.

Job Search:
I recently went on a job interview (last week). This company called me out of the blue and I immediately jumped on the chance to interview. This opportunity couldn’t have come at a better time. I am starting to get a little restless in my search for another job. My biggest fear is taking a job that is not something I want to do. But this interview is exactly in my field and the company is big and there are plenty of chances to advance within. I was asked after my interview (last Friday) to take a personality assessment test online. I completed the test on Sunday morning, and now I am a sitting duck. I so want this job and the thought of not having any control at this point kills me.

My Guy:
We’re in such a good place. I swear I am still amazed at having such a loving boyfriend. Its almost surreal having in my life. I don’t know where I would be without having him by side. He’s so excited about my graduation and meeting my family for the first time, so am I. My mother and younger brother will be out here next month for the ceremony and I am looking forward to seeing them and having them meet My Guy.

Let's Play House...

2009-03-16T21:23:00.000-04:00

Well a week after the mini drama, life is back on track for My Guy and I. While my life isn’t 100 percent all about my relationship, it’s the most exciting and fulfilling aspect of my life right now. We hit a HUGE milestone last week post our first major argument. I MET HIS SON!!! You may wonder why this has taken so long or think big deal. Folks I am the FIRST woman in my man’s dating life to meet his son, and it only took me 9 months to meet him, lol.

On a serious note, this was a huge deal to me because I know this is something near and dear to his heart. I met his son on total coincident. His mom was unable to pick him up from band practice and asked My Guy while I happened to be over his house at the time. The funny thing is, we spoke about making sure our first meeting was spontaneous or unplanned, and it worked out totally that way. The next thing I knew, we were on our way to pick him up and drop him off home. His son is a cutie and has a great personality (just like his daddy, lol). He’s 13 years old.

As I take a step back and look at how far we’ve come in such a short period of time, I am amazed. I also have a key to his house. I am officially a dog girl (well his dog). A week ago, I just jump in headfirst and began to bond with his dog and now I am in love. I bought the dog freaking outfits, Scooby snacks and other doggie treats, lol. He’s my little buddy now. I basically sleep there almost every night. I am spoiled at this point. I enjoy going to bed with him and waking up to his body next to mine. He draws me a bath every night I stay. I cook dinner (the few meals I can). We’re pretty much playing house. Even though I enjoy all of this time together, I can’t say I am ready to move out of my house and move into his. I still enjoy “my time”.

I'm In a Relationship: Part IV

2009-03-10T12:46:00.002-04:00

Topic: My Guy is My Friend...

I am happy to say I am at a much better place today than yesterday. My Guy and I worked things out but the day was long and mentally draining. Wow, relationships are hard, beautiful, and yet meaningful all at the same time. I was cussed out several times over the phone and had email wars all yesterday, but at the end of the day I had to look deeper into myself and see the error of my ways and how My Guy’s feelings were innocently hurt by yours truly. I really owe a lot to a special person who sent me an incredible and insightful email about the situation.

The funny thing is, I’ve never met this special lady in person but we’ve admired each other’s work for quite some time. I will not put her on blast by saying her name, but I hope you don’t mind me sharing your email. Its because of your email, I realized my “friend” has indeed been my safety net and even though we will never be, he was always there when my relationships went south. I understand my friendship is highly inappropriate and My Guy is my safety net. I am 100 percent certain he has my back and would never hurt me. Thank You!!!

The Email:

I see your point of view but i definitely see his point of view...
i don't think that you wanted to hurt him at all you were just being there for a friend...but the simple fact is you and that friend can't be friends anymore...that's just the reality...you two have always been there for anything...and once you decide to move into a relationship wih someone else and want to build a future with them, that relationship has to take the backseat...it just does...

everything he is saying is valid, everything you are saying makes sense, but like he said he hasn't been with his son's mother for years, you weren't not to long ago with this guy...so it is a difference....

again i definitely don't think you meant anything by it but it hurt him...

one thing i know is that friendships are important but love, REAL LOVE is precious...and the two of you have to let it be...you can be cool, but i don't think you can be friends...

that's my two cents...i KNOW you two will work it out...its just one little test that you both can learn from and grow from TOGETHER!
if you need me call me

I’m In a Relationship: Part III

2009-03-01T12:10:00.001-05:00

Topic: Jealousy

Last week I was over My Guy’s house hanging out, lying out on the couch watching TV. While we’re being lazy bums he decides to pick up my phone and look through it. At first I wasn’t really tripping, but then I noticed 10 minutes had passed and he was still looking through my phone. So I asked him for his phone since he’s all in my business. He hands it to me and I started going through his text messages. I noticed the name “Latisha” appear a few times, so I opened up the text message. I started at the bottom of the conversation and worked my way up when I felt a rage of anger and jealousy rush through my body. The gist of the conversation was they were planning to meet up and he was calling her “Baby” and she was teasing him for not seeing her in a while and “acting funny”. So as I read this shit I am wondering how do I bring this shit up?

I gave him back his phone and asked who was “Latisha” (I didn’t have too much tude). He was caught off guard and then said it was an old friend. I asked what kind of relationship they had because based off this text convo it looked suspect. He grabbed his phone a reread the message and then explained their relationship. They’ve been cool for a long time, never hooked up or anything close; they have that kind of relationship where they talk trash to one another (aka innocent flirting). He then acknowledges how the message could be misconstrued and quickly apologized and reassured me there was nothing to worry about. What I noticed at this point in our relationship is how it felt so perfect with no ill feelings. Until jealously showed her pretty face (on my part). This emotion is bound to happen when you are in love with someone and sense something may be infringing upon your “stuff”. He then mentioned a few instances that happened where he felt jealous about me. It was cute to hear that and how we both despite the occasional feelings of jealousy still trust each other 100%.

I trust and believe there’s nothing more to “Latisha”. Call me naïve but I don’t worry about him. In fact, he kept reassuring me the next few days after. But let me add that I do worry about us women. I’ve discovered on two separate occasions while out dancing women have tried to get at My Guy while its more than obvious he didn’t come alone. Its one thing for women to say “I didn’t know he had a girl”. But when you clearly see that man is with someone, don’t be so THIRSTY/desperate that you disrespect what’s going on with that couple. So I am going to need women to do a little better. Its not like My Guy is Mr. Super Model (he’s hot) but I think it’s the fact that he’s unavailable that makes him even more attractive, which is even more pathetic. Get your own Man!!!

I’m In a Relationship: Part II

2009-02-21T14:37:00.001-05:00

Topic: Open Communication

We all say we want to be open and honest in our relationships but do we? I would say based off my past relationships I stuck to this rule 80 percent of the time (percentage got higher in my last two dealings). However, with My Guy I am making extra efforts to be upfront with my feelings. I use to avoid disclosing certain thoughts for the sake of preventing any misunderstandings or simply offending the other person. But what I am finding is sometimes it’s easier to say “You know what baby___ is bothering me” or “Baby I don’t like it when you do __”. I use to let little things stay in, and of course eventually they build up and come out later.

We have been fortunate so far has to having any major arguments and I think as long as we talk we’ll be okay. Wow, real relationships are a lot of work and it’s not about ME any more. As a result of our open communication I have complete trust in My Guy. To some this may appear naive, but I have no worries when it comes to my security level in our relationship. I truly believe when you’ve found the right person no one or nothing else will matter. We can all cheat at any given time. But the thought of breaking My Guy’s heart (because the guilt will force me to squeal) is way too much to bare. Not to mention, I truly don’t pay attention to other men like that. Don’t get me wrong I notice attractive men and I will always be an innocent flirt, but nothing goes past that moment and I don’t lie about having a man and being very happy.

SIDE NOTE***

So much has changed just from the few days I began a rough draft on this post. Thursday evening our relationship elevated to new heights. There’s a special connection My Guy and I share that made me really value the fact that he’s in my life. We both lost our fathers (his in 05 & mine in 06). It’s not a topic that I am open to sharing with anyone. However, that evening I had a “moment”. Moments are times when I am completely overwhelmed with grief of losing my father. I don’t have them too often, which may explain why they randomly appear and are often backed up emotions.

While we were in bed getting ready to sleep, I broke down and cried. This was the first time in front of him. He’s offered his ear, a hug any time I need. But I just don’t go there. He saw a very vulnerable side of me that night and it showed me how much he is there for me. There weren’t a lot of words; he just let me have my “moment”. I guess what’s triggering me to think about my father is the fact that he won’t meet My Guy. It breaks my heart because I know he would like him. It hurts me to acknowledge he won’t participate in my special day (my wedding).

For the first time I see my future with My Guy and its forcing me to deal with the passing of my father. I spoke to my mom yesterday and she wants me to have more “moments” so it doesn’t build up. I guess a part of me is now ready to deal with my grief, because I have someone in life to help me who relates to my pain…

I'm In a Relationship: Part I

2009-02-17T10:57:00.001-05:00

As I continue on this journey with My Guy, I learn so much about myself and being in a relationship. The more involved you are the more complex things become (duh). Again, this is my second “real” relationship since being in my 20s (nothing else counts at this point of my life). There are so many things we’re experiencing together; in fact let me break it down by topics:

Jobs (or in my case lack thereof):

He’s been in between gigs really since late 2007. You see he was one of those “big bad mortgage loan people”. As far as school he didn’t go beyond high school, but despite that he’s been able to earn a decent living. While working in the mortgage game he was on top of the world. He was making 250k a year and one bonus check from buying a Maserati. He’s mentioned the car dream in a reminiscent tone on several occasions (lol). I recall him telling me about his glory days when we first met, it wasn’t in a bragging manner just him telling me about himself.

I even had feelings of resentment on a few occasions. Here I am in grad school and I have never made 60k let alone anything beyond. Yet things are so much different when you’re a white man. The rules seem to always be slightly different. Anyway, when we met he working for a software company as a salesman. He often complained about the job. He was mainly upset at the money he was making (at the time it was around 70k). Again cry me a freaking river. But I guess if I was making 200k and then downsized to 70k, there may be some psychological issues. He quit that job in September or October (cant recall off hand) because he was tired of “not making any real money”. He then decided he would wait until 2009 and get back with this mortgage company. This is what he knows and wants to do. To be honest I wouldn’t consider this his passion, but I do think it’s an addiction to the level of money that can be earned in this industry.

Well we all know the housing market is shot to hell. So he’s slowly entering the industry. He’s now working in loan modification. What’s funny is some of the cases he’s working on are the very ones he closed a few years back. It appears to be one of the laws of nature making things come back full circle. He’s been a little down because in addition to his income adjustments he’s had to downsize on the lifestyle as well. I mention all of this NOT to just air our dirty laundry but to self-reflect on the typical issues couples will endure.

So then there’s me as of December 15, 2008 I am no longer employed, and my source of income is severance, student loans, and unemployment. So I clearly understand having to scale back on a few things. I guess this post was inspired by a comment he made this past Valentine’s Day (which was awesome, and I’ll discuss in another post). He told me I was the first girl in his life that he hasn’t just completely wined and dined and it’s affecting his pride. I told him I loved him for him and not what he’s buying me. Its funny how we tend to hide behind the superficial things to overcompensate for getting to know the core of SELF.

I have never loved nor felt so loved by anyone. There is no price on what we have. I love him for him, and its important for me to be there for him now more than ever. We both need each other…

What's New??

2009-02-06T11:06:00.001-05:00

Job Search:

It’s going, I guess it could be better if I put in more effort. But in all honesty, I am not motivated at all. With the constant lay-offs occurring, I wonder who still believes in job security? And for those of you who are working, are you sure you’ll have a job by the end of year? I’ve applied to like four jobs in the past month. I had one interview that went well and I am just waiting to see if that materializes into something.

I’m not stressing over my employment situation, after all what would be the point? A little more than half a million jobs were lost in January alone, and its only freaking February, wtf? In the meantime, my job is to be the best student and get my hustle on.
So we’ll see what the days ahead have in store.

Love Life:

The most meaningful aspect of my life is My Guy. I would marry him now, if he asked. I never realized how deprived I was of having someone who truly loves me. It’s a scary yet overwhelming feeling. Who would have thought there was someone on match.com waiting to love me? For once in my life I feel complete, I feel like there is someone who truly loves me. Although I thought I’ve been in love a few times before, it doesn’t come close to the feelings I have now.

I am so looking forward to this Valentine’s Day, not for any superficial reasons, but this is my first V-day where I really understand the meaning of the occasion. I feel the love everyday from this man and it’s a beautiful thing. It’s been about 8 months now and it feels like a lifetime (in a good way). Its funny but I look forward to spending every holiday, occasion, and event with him. I told him we’re even celebrating Easter (colored eggs and all). It’s the first time I’ve done this with a guy, and for some reason I feel a need to celebrate every precious moment with him. More importantly it’s about creating memories with the person you love.

He’s very supportive of me while I undergo the job situation, and I don’t mean paying my bills. But I guess he’s the reason why I feel like everything will be okay. I sometimes spend the night over his house during the week and I love sleeping in his bed while he gets ready for work. Its almost like we’re playing house and I get to satisfy that fantasy of being a house wife. No offense but that’s about as close as I’ll get, my goal isn’t to be home all day. But I love the way he smells in the morning, his clothes, and the way he kisses me goodbye in the morning. Yes, I’ve got the bug pretty bad, lol.

United We Stand??

2009-01-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

A week ago today the world watched America make history by choosing an African American to lead our country. It was a moment in time that I will never forget. In fact, I am still on an emotional high. But I find the vibe in the air here in Dallas (Bush Land) to be a little shady. It’s almost like the big ass pink elephant in the room, which everyone pretends to not notice. I understand I live in Bush state, but how can you not acknowledge what has just happened? I am not saying the entire state is in denial, but I notice others (white people) have “hate” in their eyes. What I mean by hate is “salty”. Get over the fact that old ass McCain didn’t win. I particularly notice this at my school.

While I understand I attend one of the most right-winged, conservative, and republican institutions in the south; but damn can we get over ourselves and take the lost a little better. I was happy to hear one of my professors (who’s Jewish) acknowledge the occasion, but he started with a disclaimer (after all you don’t want to “offend” people). He only spoke on the subject for a minutes, especially since the students in the room (mainly white) didn’t looked phased by his words of inspiration. But if we can’t have uncomfortable conversations at school, then where should they be done? I thought this was a place for higher learning? I refuse to hold my head down or ignore the significance of what has taken place. I’m not suggesting walking around 24/7 in Obama gear, and rubbing the fact in people faces. But I am very proud of my country and our efforts to see no race and chose the right president for all.

Fill Out My Survey Please :)

2009-01-26T16:00:00.002-05:00

RememberMeAlwayz

We're Not Sexing The Same???

2009-01-21T17:59:00.000-05:00

Love is such a wonderful yet interesting experience. In fact, I am overwhelmed with the joy my heart feels when I think of my relationship with My Guy. Last night (inauguration day) My Guy and I spent the evening together. Part of our routine is to have “pillow talk” before we have sex and go to sleep. It’s usually during this time we have a heart to heart conversation while professing our love for one another.

He took the opportunity to explain to me some of his emotions and feelings. One thing he told me that inspired this post was the fact that the last few times we’ve made love, he’s cum while I was riding him. I hadn’t really noticed that the last few times ended that way, but he explained that he’s now at a deeper emotional level with me. Meaning its more intimate and personal to be sexual in the missionary or riding position versus doggy style (makes sense).

All of our encounters have been meaningful, but when he told me this I wasn’t at all offended by his confession. He told me we’re way pass the “I love sexing this girl” phase, but rather I love her and its deeper than our sex. Its funny how he often tells me its not about our sex and we don’t always have to do it. But there has yet to be a time when we’ve been together and didn’t have sex. To me, when I have sex with him it’s my way of expressing my love. I feel this level of connection when we’re intimate. It’s our chemistry and emotions that makes our sex so great.

Sex is very much an element of our relationship I don’t want to change, but also even more important is the love I have for this man. It’s incredible to be loved and to love someone. My heart and soul glows even as I write this post…

It's Going to be Alright...

2009-01-08T10:40:00.001-05:00

So it is day four for the first workweek of being unemployed. I also started spring semester this week as well. My classes this mod are kick ass. I am taking venture financing and evaluating an entrepreneurial opportunity. Obviously these courses are of major benefit to someone looking to go into business for him or herself.

The job search is going, I can’t say that I am out applying for any and every position out there (what few there are). This week I did revise my resume to reflect my desire to remain in commercial real estate; I even included a few technical skills, which will set me a part from the pack on paper. I have a few networking events coming up, beginning next week. Unfortunately this industry (like many) is about who you know.

I am not too worried about finding anything this month. January is the worst time to try and find a new job. What’s funny is; I was in this exact position this time last year (unemployed). Yes, I have issues with keeping a job long. Part of it is due to the fact that I must be my own boss and I also don’t play well in the sandbox with retards in managerial roles. I found my last job in March; of course there wasn’t a major economic crisis either at the time.

My feeling is this; why stress out over things you have no immediate control over. I am not going to worry right now because I don’t have a job. To me it’s truly a blessing. I am blessed to be able to support myself financially while working on some self-development during my time off. My last job gave me unnecessary stress and that is now over. I have a spa appointment tomorrow for four hours (yes).

I am extremely excited about this New Year. After all it is the year of hope and change…

The Not So Flossy...

2009-01-05T09:45:00.000-05:00

One part of my trip back home I feel a need to mention was the last night of my stay. I went to the Lakers game, now normally big deal and who cares? However, this time I spent the evening hanging out with people who live the life of little worries. It just so happens my younger brother is acquaintances with the Lakers’ owner’s youngest son. So we went to the game and kicked it in the family’s box suite.

At first we arrived at the staple center to one of the VIP entrance and stood outside the door waiting. There were about 80 other people in line trying to enter the arena. After five minutes of waiting I asked what was the hold up, my brother informed me that we needed to wait for the son’s assistant to come get us (yea he has an assistant at 21 w/ no real job). The assistant arrives and we’re still chilling outside, so again I am wondering wtf. All of sudden the gatekeepers at the door asked everyone to step aside and they apologized for the delay. Well here comes Mr. Owner and his family and whomever they had with them. It was at this point that we fell right in line with them and walked straight in. I already felt important. They froze the line as if the president was walking through (and in a lot of ways he was).

We then take the elevator to their suite’s floor and enjoy the game. I sat there watching the people who are use to this on a regular basis. Overall everyone was very cool and polite. When you have access to money like that, why walk around with a chip on your shoulder? I observed Dr. Buss (the owner), he sat front role with his plate of food, Gatorade, and players stats in front of him. He was watching his employees work. His appearance was very unassuming; he looked like an average guy you would see on the street. One other perk I was able to get items from the Lakers store for free. I even got My. Guy an authentic jersey (and he doesn’t even like the Lakers). How’s that for knowing the big boss, lol??

The younger son was celebrating his 21st birthday and the game was the kick off event (this was on a Sunday evening). On Monday he rented a tour bus and invited 40 friends to ride with through L.A. and then ended the night at a popular nightclub (I left town before part 2 and I am still a little sour). I heard at the club (my brother went) when they pulled up in the bus, again the line freezes and they are allowed all access into the club. He reserved the entire left side of the club (gotta party with the civilians) and there waiting were 10 bottles of Belvedere and 8 bottles of Patron. A little while later they had some girls bring out 10 bottles of DP and Ace of Spades (yes I am so upset I missed this night, lol). Part 3 of the celebration took place in Vegas (in time for new years). They took the family plane and they rented out an entire floor in the Bellagio.

When I think of that night I couldn’t imagine one of my parent’s assets is a basketball team let alone the Lakers. For a night I was Cinderella, lol. But there is no way I could hang around someone with all of that on a regular basis, it starts to mess with your head and you become jaded. Not to mention at the end of the day I have very little in common with the wealthy, and the game is too hardcore to try and pretend I know how they roll. Nonetheless it was a fabulous evening. Go Lakers…

The Beginning...

2009-01-04T10:04:00.000-05:00

It’s the start of a new year, which means the chance for new things. While I won’t dwell on the minor setbacks I endured during the last leg of 2008, I am happily looking forward to the adventures 09 has to bring.

I am now back on the job market (what a great time to be unemployed). I’m not worrying too much. I am okay financially (for now, lol). I just have to bootstrap my budget. I had a great Christmas thanks to my therapeutic shopping. I am also wondering if now is the time for me to break out and do my own thing? There’s no time like the present.

I’ll admit it still burns a little when I think about how shit went down at my last job. What’s funny is this exact thing happened the following year (2007) around Thanksgiving. I truly believe I am unemployable, lol. Or maybe I just have zero tolerance for mediocre grown people trying to be my boss. Either way, it’s my time to get on the ball. I need to revise my resume and kick up some serious networking.

I’ll update my blog on my progress. I am curious to see how long it will take to bounce back ☺

And that’s the way it goes…

2008-12-17T11:34:00.001-05:00

Last Friday I received news that I was being laid off. As the news was being discussed part of me felt relieved and another part of me felt anger because this was the result of my two retarded managers trying to cock block me within the company. The owner of the company told me I was being let go due to cost savings (yeah right). I knew all along my two lovely managers were behind this. I was offered a severance package. However, I am just over having to pay for the insecurities other people have. If you are not happy with your life, then it is up to you to make the necessary changes. Don’t try to play God and think you can attempt to block anyone else’s blessings.

So I will now take the time to express my thoughts about the situation, here is my letter to my old managers.

Dear Black Manager,

I was excited to finally work with someone who looked like me in this industry. I thought you and I would make a great team. I even went against better judgment and befriended you on a personal level. It was after discovering the type of person you really are, I wanted to keep our relationship strictly professional. As a woman knocking on 40’s door I thought I could learn more from you both on a personal and professional level. Then I realized you were going through some mid life crisis and wanted to relive your early 20s like some wet behind the ears college sorority girl. I had fun going out with you, but I question your priorities when I see you’d rather hang out then be home with your two daughters or choosing to explore the paths of unproductive relationships with men. I thought, as we get older you’re suppose to get better?

I then realized that you looked at your current job as a way to earn money rather than a career choice (it was also then our paths begin to split). I never judged you for the fact that you bragged about obtaining your MBA from a school that anyone with a live pulse can attend. No, I didn’t think I was better. But as I started to see the real you and decided to not be your best girl friend shit changed at work. Rather than be a grown ass adult, you’d rather act like we’re in high school and make me out to be the black sheep of the clique. What you failed to realize is I have my own friends and life that had nothing to do with our company. I understand you’re lonely and thought we’d be the best of friends. But the truth of the matter is; you’re a lying, pathetic, excuse for a woman.

I understand all of the plotting and attempt to bring me down was just you hating on me. I never once threw my accomplishments in your face, but I am very much a woman of confidence. I would like to thank you for the confirmation that I am on the road to greatness. I thank you for going out of your way to try to bring me down. After all it adds another layer of strength on my part. I wouldn’t lie to you and say I’ll see you on top, because unfortunately you’ve reached your peek. Your story ends here. I pray that your daughter never have to experience a person like you in their lives. But most of all what goes around comes around.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear White Manager,

I would like to thank you for getting me this job. It’s too bad you had to conspire with my other manager to plan my “down fall”. I tried to help you professionally and educationally. We all know you are very insecure with your position because in all reality you’re highly unqualified on paper for the very position you hold. How one can be a property manager in commercial real estate with no bachelors degree, is amazing but I also consider the fact that you’re a white woman working for a smaller firm. I congratulate you on enrolling back in school to obtain your bachelors, something I am sure I indirectly inspired you to do. Once again following your new best friend and chose the same highly respectable institution of higher learning (heavy sarcasm).

I understand you too were upset I didn’t want to be apart of your girl club. But again, I am not into the heavy drinking and bar scene right now. It amazes me how a mother of two young boys and a wife, finds the time to party like a rock star. Or even worst you damn near jeopardize your marriage to hang out with black manager who is twice divorces. But I must say you are the coldest pieces of work I’ve seen in a long time. After you announced your resignation, rather than leave gracefully you had to put salt in my game and try to make me look incompetent and not ready for any advancement. The jokes on you because I never wanted your job. But the fact that you threw me under the bus even with one foot out of the door baffles me.

I’m not surprised at all by what you two have done. In fact, it’s rather funny that it took you two birdbrains to come up with this plan. I had to fight two demons at the same time, and I am actually quite proud of myself. I wish you the best in 2009.

Peace Out,
Me

There really are no hard feelings about this situation. Thank God I am more than okay financially. I also look at this as an opportunity to prepare myself for even more elevation in 09. Wow, what a difference a year makes. I have too much to be grateful for. And the truth is I knew something was going down last week, my instincts were in over drive. For the last week I was really stressed, so I am glad this all behind me now. I truly didn’t want to bring old bullshit into the New Year…

Cheers!!!!

Breathe...

2008-12-06T21:51:00.002-05:00

I am now done with finals (there goes fall semester). I get the rest of the year off (all three weeks). Thank God!

So much as been happening on the corporate plantation. A few weeks ago I found out one of my brilliant managers is quitting (the white one). She felt she wasn’t making enough money for the work she was doing. Never mind the fact that she doesn’t have college degree or any real estate designation, so the fact that you are a property manager is a blessing. What’s better is I got this important info via the grapevine and not because she sat me down and explained her choice to leave. To be honest I am quite relieved, they were both annoying the hell out of me. Now one may think this is promotion time for me, not necessarily. For one, my lovely managers don’t have the best leadership skills, so I am not prepared enough to move up into her spot. But more importantly, I don’t want the position. To be honest property management isn’t where I want to remain within this industry. I would rather stay in my current role as assistant, focus on school, learn the technical skills required to move into asset management, and still be able to be active in extra curricular activities on campus.

I will not stress myself out over a job I have no passion or desire to be in, not to mention the pay is less than sufficient. So my company has spent the last two weeks unsuccessfully trying to find her replacement. I would say now they are experiencing a minor turnover phase, even though the job market sucks my company needs to get their shit together. Its amazing how companies/CEOs can let a company head towards the shit creek. At this point I am just laying low and doing me.

I also turned in my self-review on last Monday. The company asked that we do a self-evaluation of our job performance, which would then be done with our supervisors. So that means I will have two review sessions. I did ask that they did my job reviews separately. I was not going to let them tag team especially since I am the only one supporting two managers.

On another note: I love this time of year. I am so excited about spending time with My Guy. I love him more and more everyday. I am still trying to figure out how I want to spend our Christmas since I’ll be away. In addition to that, there’s New Years. I guess I am more excited about having him in my life.

Grateful....

2008-11-29T21:25:00.001-05:00

I have so much to be thankful for this year and as I end my holiday weekend here in Arizona visiting my brother, his family, and the rest of our family I reflect on the many blessings even during what seems to be difficult times. The only piece of the puzzle that was missing is having My Guy with me. He did drop me off at the airport thanksgiving day, but I noticed a small void while spending time with my family. My holiday plans were made before we became so serious and really it’s almost too soon to bring him home for the holidays even though we feel like we’ve known each other forever.
I guess my purpose for writing this post was to express my growing love for My Guy. Everyday I find myself loving him more and more. Its like a whole new world I am ready to explore with this man, everything is so brand new for us to share. Last weekend I spent some time at his house and I am thinking about our hot tub adventure. Mind you its 40 degrees outside and we deiced to get in the hot tub in his backyard in our birthday suits. But it was quite nice, we’ll ignore the fact that my hair looked like a fro from the steam. It was another special memory we shared.
I am looking so forward to this time of year because I have someone to love. I am usually excited about the holidays but this time there’s a different type of glow. I have a man, a man who loves and adores me. I want to have a special and romantic Christmas dinner with him. I am talking the extra corny moment. I want to hang personalized stockings, have a romantic dinner for two, drink some hot chocolate, hit the hot tub, listen to Christmas music, light a fire, exchange gifts, and just be. This will have to be done within the next two weeks since I am leaving for L.A. for Christmas.
We do have plans to be together for New Years, not sure what we’ll do. I did mention just getting a hotel room and enjoying each other. I don’t really want to be out in the crowd. What a difference a year make. It is not that this man has made me, but rather he’s fulfilling me entirely. I can’t express how good it feels to be in a stable and loving relationship and I wish this for everyone.

Tis the season for peace, love, and prosperity…

The Other Woman In Me...

2008-11-16T17:49:00.001-05:00

So this weekend I celebrated My Guy’s Birthday. I spent the last few weeks trying to figure out the “perfect” gift. Finally, yesterday afternoon it just came to me while I was picking up some items in a sex shops. I made plans already for dinner, which was for 8:00pm at a nice steakhouse (his favorite food). I knew I wanted to get some goodies from my favorite store, I just didn’t know what exactly. I ended up deciding to plan the ultimate seduction for dessert. I bought a nice stripper outfit; got some edible oils and I had the rest at my house.

It was during the time of my ‘performance” that inspired me to write this post. It’s funny how Monday through Sunday I'm “Ms. Confident” in every aspect of my daily life (even in the bedroom); but I noticed while putting on my outfit I was a bit nervous and overly self-conscious. Perhaps I wasn’t drunk enough which would have suppressed the insecurities. But overall, I found it interesting how my mind was working while preparing for my act.

Once I had the outfit on, I felt a little awkward. I wondered if my waistline was too out of wack for the skimpy dress. I wondered if I even looked sexy. I finally walked into the room where I had him stationed and it was his reaction, which gave me an instant boast of confidence. Part of my seduction was to do a little dance for him, and I did feel weird at first. But eventually I found myself escaping into this alter ego. This sex kitten, that knew she had it going on like any other top dollar dancer. Next thing I knew I was rolling on my floors (which are hardwood), arching my back, spreading my legs seductively, and totally in my own zone. It drove him crazy.

Side Note: he was tied up in a chair during my performance.

But the point is, I think we as women should embrace that sex pot (Lol). Again, I can throw down when it comes to sex. But I am still a little shy when it comes to the strip tease portion. However, it is something I look forward to conquering full throttle now that I have a preferred audience.

Word Associations...

2008-11-05T07:46:00.004-05:00

Success, Pride, Happiness, Outstanding, Groundbreaking, Optimism, Greatness, Fabulous, Freedom, Equality…

Yeah, I know It's Been A Minute :)

2008-11-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

I swear time flies in bloggerville. There’s absolutely way too much information to catch up on but I’ll write this post in a reflective tone.

Work Life:

It’s been officially confirmed that haters will always exist and will become even more apparent when you are on the verge of greatness. My two managers have banned together to attempt to bring me down. I find it rather amusing that they need to rub their limited brain cells together just to come up with ¼ of a plan to attempt to block my blessings. Have we not learned that no man is in control of anyone’s destiny? Their management style (or lack thereof) is draped in the theme of “DO AS I SAY AND NOT AS I DO.” They gave me a bullshit “review” last week and everything they claim were areas I “needed to work on” was the exact shit they do on a daily basis.

It’s particularly hard to not get pissed off when leaders actually think this a proper way of leading. If I see you slacking off and not giving a damn, why the hell would I? The only reason this is not true as far as I am concern is because I care about my professionalism and work ethics.

They have both equally talked shit about me behind my back to anyone within office who will listen (mind you its only 4 people that may entertain this nonsense). Yet, I am expected to come to work everyday and pretend I don’t know your many faces. My biggest issue is the fact that these are grown ass women (one near 40 and the other is 30). In my opinion the time that is vested in “trying” to make my life hell, should be put to better use.

The bottom line is twiddle dee& dumb are upset because I don’t want to be a part of the “clique” any more; mainly because we have nothing in common at the end of the day. However, just because I don’t want to merge my personal life with yours doesn’t mean we can’t have a positive and productive working relationship. The fact of the matter is you’re hating because your lives are a freaking train wreck and rather then woman up and fix the problems in your life, you want to try and make my life hell (think again stupids). I swear it’s like high school around this camp. In the mean time, I will keep doing me (getting better) and I know this too shall pass very soon.

Love Life:

Is outstanding, this is my balance and sanity. It’s funny how difficult it is to have all aspects of your life panning out well (or is that even possible, lol). I met My Guy’s brother last week for the first time. This is my first family member meeting. I actually enjoyed meeting his brother. I was warned beforehand that he’s the type of guy you either love or hate. I must say I understand why, he’s an extremely blunt and straight to the point kind of guy. I can see how some maybe offended by his personality, but I love real and honest people and will take that any day.

My Guy’s birthday is on the 15th and I am still trying to figure out how I want to celebrate his day. He warned me not to go all out, and I won’t (hell I am on a budget). But I so want it to be special and I know special doesn’t mean expensive. He LOVES golf (like a crack head who loves crack). I think I want to buy us some tee time on a nice course and make him play golf with me, lol. So I am thinking dinner and me the evening of his bday (Saturday) and golf all day Sunday.

School Life:

I am digging my program. It’s funny how I am the “token” at my school’s department. I have photos plastered everywhere of me from the website, literature, and posters sized pictures hanging in the hallways. The only problem is they’re not asking for my approval and the photos suck, lol. But at any rate I am having a blast, and this is also an outlet for me to deal with my corporate plantation.

2008-10-24T15:30:00.001-04:00

I started off this week (Monday to be exact) having a totally different vibe and energy. Sunday evening I was listening to T.I’s Swagger Like Us song and I was really feeling the overall message behind the lyrics. I took the hook a little further and thought to myself “Yes, they really don’t have swagger like us”. They is anyone who isn’t black, African American (whatever you want to call us, lol). I look at this year and who would have thought we would have a black man as a serious candidate to be our next president. I look at our successful business men and woman and think to myself, there was a time when we weren’t allowed the simple gift of having a formal education.

And look at us now, there’s still much more progress to be made on our end. But considering we are the most oppressed group of people in this country, we made a way out of no way. So for that reason “They really don’t have swagger like us”. I think about the baby steps I’ve taking towards accomplishing my goals and wonder what if I listened to or gave in to those who hated on me. How about being the first African American woman to receive a Masters of Science in Entrepreneurship at my lily white, right wing private school.

So I ask; how have you demonstrated your awesome swagger? This post is about giving yourself props. I congratulate you!

P.S. the post about the drama will follow soon. Right now I am focusing on the way I intended to start this week off.

....

2008-10-22T23:55:00.002-04:00

When I am away this long you know I have some ish brewing. Oh the drama on the corporate plantation. I'll fill in the details soon, especially since the story isn't over. But need I remind these amateurs, I will NOT lose!

Looks like Sunday Loving for Me...

2008-10-12T23:16:00.000-04:00

So I am knocked out on my sofa around 9:45pm this evening and I don’t know how I woke up and saw my phone going off (its always on vibrate) and to my surprise its My Guy. He’s on his way to my house as I type this. He wanted to see me, because he misses me.

Its because of shit like this, I am so messed up in the head when it comes to him. I love him so much that I am almost afraid of fucking things up (if that makes sense). I don’t necessarily mean breaking his heart due to infidelity or lying but I just want to make sure I remain rational and stop thinking the worst of every possible situation. How about the lost art of thinking of the other person’s perspective?

Okay, I am going to get ready for My Guy now… ☺

Sunday Blues :)

2008-10-12T16:42:00.001-04:00

Am I really all that understanding and patient?

I was suppose to spend today with My Guy but he called this morning to cancel. His son asked to spend the day with him so they can watch football. Followed with a friend of his calling to invite him over to watch the games with him and his son. As he was telling me the news I’ll admit I was disappointed, yet I didn’t express my feelings. What am I suppose to say? Tell your son and friend no you have a prior commitment with your girlfriend? During this conversation he mentioned how understanding I am and he asked if I was cool with it. Again what the hell am I suppose to say? I didn’t really feel the need to explain my viewpoint nor did it really matter to me at the time. But now I am thinking about the situation, which lead me to writing this post.

I haven’t seen him since last Sunday due to his new work schedule (he was in training last week from 9 to 9). I didn’t really have anything special planned for today, but I was looking forward to spending some time with him. As I think about this and my feelings I have to review the facts about our relationship.

1. Weekends (Friday & Saturday) are for him and his son, with the exception of occasional times we can get together. I knew this going in. Before him, I used my weekends to get caught up on my schoolwork and not to mention I had class on Saturday mornings. So theoretically this was the perfect arrangement. But of course as you get closer to a person you want to spend even more time together.

2. I cannot expect nor ask him to ever feel like he has to choose between his son and me. In fact, I don’t ever want that to be an issue. But when he says I am so understanding, I can’t help but wonder REALLY?? The fact of the matter is I am never going to tell him to ditch his son to come and kick it with me. So I guess I am understanding in that regards.

I guess this is just an example of challenges relationships will endure. A part of me wishes there wasn’t a child involve. Yes, it’s very selfish because I want my time with him when I want it, lol. But a kid will never be a deal breaker in reality. I love everything about him, which is why it hurt me when he had to cancel today. But what am I suppose to do?

On a side note: I do have a shit load of homework due tomorrow evening. In fact, I am on campus now taking a break from doing my work. So again, things worked out perfect in terms of him canceling since I had homework anyway. BUT THAT ISNT THE POINT, LOL…

Watching the Debate

2008-10-07T20:36:00.002-04:00

I am sure most of us are glued to our TVs to watch this debate. I am hoping tomorrow I have more confidence in my chosen candidate. I am happily voting for Obama, but I am hoping they both discuss how they are going to get America back on track. I don’t give a damn about who hung out with whom ten plus years ago. All I want to know is what are you going to do to help our economy. The American people want answers and less bullshit slander.

To illustrate how fucked up our social economics are here’s an article I ran across today.

Executives at bailed-out AIG stayed at $500 a night Californian resort
A week earlier the Federal Reserve had to extend a huge credit line to AIG to keep the troubled firm from collapsing

The world's largest insurance company, AIG, spent $440,000 (£250,000) on a lavish corporate retreat at one of California's top beachside resorts just a week after accepting an $85bn emergency loan from the US government to stave off bankruptcy.
Details of the getaway emerged at a congressional hearing today where lawmakers expressed outrage at AIG executives "wining and dining" at the height of a financial crisis.
An invoice from the St Regis resort in Monarch Beach, south of Los Angeles, shows that AIG spent $139,375 on rooms, $147,301 on "banquets", $23,380 on spa treatments and $6,939 on golf at an eight-day company event which began on September 22.

Bullshit

Turning Pages...

2008-10-05T20:24:00.001-04:00

The past week evoked a lot of emotions for me. In the beginning of the week I was a little down about my financial situation and realized my current career happens to been in the low paying scale of the industry. My real estate club had a forum for its members on last Thursday evening (moderated by yours truly) featuring a couple of industry panelists discussing the future of commercial real estate. We thought this was very important for the obvious reasons, but it was during this conversation I had an epiphany. Someone asked about the job market and what could we do to be more marketable within the industry, and one of the speakers who is also a professor at our school gave excellent advice on ways in which we should improve our technical skills. He motioned the skills he expects and looks for when interviewing applicants particularly MBA students.

It was after this discussion I made the decision to take a few real estate courses offer through my department to develop my analytical skills, this same speaker also offered to be my mentor. I felt privileged to be in an environment where someone is finally giving up some useful tips/information.

Love life:

I spent this past weekend with My Guy. Usually he has his son from Friday to Sunday morning, but this weekend he had a free pass and wanted to spend it with me. Friday night after worked I packed my little weekend bag and headed to his place. As I was in route he sent me a text to meet him at this bar that’s near his house to join him and his friends. In fact, his text read: ‘I want to show you off”. I met his friends who were really cool, they took off about an hour later and we headed to his house.

He cooked dinner while we talked and watched TV; it felt so natural and routine for us to be spending this time together. It was after dinner when we were laying out on his sofa when he asked: “where do I stand on this relationship?”. At first I didn’t understand what exactly he wanted to know. After he explained that he simply wanted to know my feelings about us, looking back I see it was his way of starting a conversation about his feelings and really letting me know where I stood.

Without going word for word, I learned that he wants to start integrating me into his world by introducing me to special people in life; hence meeting a few of his friends that evening (which was unexpected on my end). He explained that he doesn’t want me to feel like he’s keeping me a secret. The truth of the matter is I had to realize myself that we’ve been together a little over 3 months now, and I wanted him to introduce me to people when he felt he was ready. I never pestered him nor felt like he was keeping me in the dark. He also mentioned he has falling in love with me and said those magical three letter words. The funny thing is I’ve dreamt even fantasized about having that conversation with him and it was actually taking place. He was the one who thought we where at a point in our relationship where we’re turning pages and starting a new chapter.

For the first time I feel like I am in a real and meaningful relationship, which is why I respected not rushing into the I love you. But once we said those words to each other it felt so good. Needless to say I enjoyed this weekend very much.

Money Is A Thing!

2008-09-28T13:20:00.001-04:00

Is it just me or is anyone else concern with the current state and future of our economy?

I am quite sure everyone is aware of what’s been going on the past few weeks. Well during this past week, I personally noticed myself beginning to worry. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this poor in my life. I would be one of the first to say my job isn’t paying me nearly what I am worth (which will always be the case) but with the money I am making; I have to ask myself what am I doing with it? I looked at my banking account reviewing the past three months (basically the summer) and saw my miscellaneous spending was out of control. WTF is wrong with me?

I was watching a recording of the Oprah show this past week with Suzie Orman, and I must say she gave me an unexpected wake up call. The main take-a-way for me from that show was stop living a lie. Stop spending money as if it grows on trees, or even worst like I have it like that. The people who are really in trouble right now are THE JONES. Everyone who lives the life of appearances and living beyond your means; the sky is now falling. I’ll admit I fall into this category. But as of right now, I am admitting I am poor and I can’t afford shinny new things right now.

I would rather live modestly and have all of my bills paid on time. This shit isn’t a joke and now is the time more than ever to get your mind right. If these big corporations are having trouble keeping their doors open, what do you think is going on in your neighbor’s house?

My Drunk Ass...

2008-09-22T23:20:00.001-04:00

One thing I neglected to mention that happened during my celebration was the aftermath. So it was understood that I was going to be drunk, so My Guy was my designated driver. I have absolutely no clue how many drinks I had that night. In fact, I don’t recall feeling fucked up until I got to his house. But before I get to that part let me explain how I thought I was okay. So we leave the club and I remember singing in his car all the way to his house. The radio was on some R&B station playing all of my cuts. I remember walking into his house and taking off my shoes, he helped me out of my dress. Where I went wrong was when I laid out on his bed. The room started to spin and that was it, lol.

I jumped up and made a dash for his toilet. I threw up on the damn toilet seat (I didn’t even think to lift the seat cover). All of my dinner came up (sorry to be graphic). I remember he came in and washed my face and the seat cover. I then went back to lie down in his bed. Yet 10 minutes later I had to make another run. Four trips later, I finally passed out on the bed. I recall him asking me in between the third and fourth trip if I wanted some toast. He said I mumbled something and then passed out.

I woke up the next morning feeling and smelling like shit. Usually when I throw up I at least brush my teeth (not that night). As I began to turn over I guess he could feel me moving so he grabbed my body next to his. I was too messed up to realize or even care what happened a few hours earlier.

Today sober and coherent I thought about that night, and felt a little embarrassed. We joked about it while he was taking me back home. But he saw me at my lowest. I looked like a train wreck the next morning. He was there for me when I needed him to be, and that’s why he’s My Guy…

B-Day

2008-09-21T21:35:00.002-04:00

Last night was my dinner party and it was truly one of the best times I’ve had in a while. My closest friends and their men helped me celebrate another year. The cool part about this venue is it’s a restaurant that turns into a club at 10pm. So around 11 it was packed with people. One thing I did notice about being out on the night scene is I am happy I have a man, lol. The place was a grade A meat market. You could pick up on the vibe of people wanting and looking for a “hook up”. What didn’t surprise me is how shady women can be in the club. They’ll see you clearly with a guy who is obviously your man and will still have false hopes of thinking they kick some game.

My guy told me about a few instances when females were flirting. I don’t mean to appear naïve but believe me I could have left the club for an hour and still trust my man to be on his best behavior. What is the point in going to clubs? I understand the need to hang out with your friends and party, but for those who really think their life partner will be behind the velvet rope- please.

29:365 Days Until The End of An Era...

2008-09-19T07:57:00.002-04:00

Today is my birthday, wow.

I swear it feels like I turned 21 three years ago. I'll admit I have mixed emotions about this wonderful day. For starters I am grateful to see another day (let alone another year). However, I am now 29 years old, the last year of being in my 20s. It feels weird, I don't feel old (and I don't hardly look it) but it is my reality.

I am having a dinner party at a local restaurant which after 10pm turns into a club ( I am expecting 12 friends) so it should be pretty nice. I am excited to share my new year with My Guy. I'll provide more details about my birthday as they unfold.I guess today marks the start of another great year.

Brand New...

2008-09-15T10:28:00.000-04:00

My Guy and I spent the entire Sunday together, my oh my. I wish I could tape our visits and then watch them on days when I am missing him (which is any time I am away from him). We started off our day by attending the “Grape Feast” it was an outdoor fair like event with wine tasting and different cultural and art exhibits. We hung out there about two hours and figured it was enough, lol. So back to his house we went. I swear there’s nothing better than hanging out and chilling with the person you love or really like.

It’s an addictive high I crave on a daily basis. Though there was much physical activity going on between us, there was also a lot of great conversation. We spent a great deal talking about our childhood and basically learning more about who we are and where we both came from. I love his childhood stories, I love how easy going and simple he is (in a great way). I love his country side, it’s the perfect balance to woman who lives and breathes the urban jungle. Our new word for each other is twitterpated (from the movie Bambi). It’s our way of acknowledging the love we have for one another without rushing into saying “I love you”; so instead I say I so twitterpated (I’m so in love). Haha

I know we have so much more to learn about each other, but one thing I know for sure is what we have so far feels so right. It’s funny when I look back and think of times when people say “I just knew my mate was the one for me” and thought yeah right. But I swear I understand that feeling now. At one point we were standing in his bedroom kissing just before one of our many sessions yesterday; and it was a long kiss (I mean 5 minutes). I suddenly stopped and started to giggle a little, it was during this moment I could see us standing at the alter and the preacher says you may kiss the bride; and we kissed in front of everyone for like 5 minutes. He laughed at my thoughts, but then said he could easily see us doing that, and I believe him. It’s like when we’re in public nothing or no one matters. We’re so caught up in our vibes that our surroundings never affect the chemistry we have.

So in honor of my new found love I dedicate this awesome song from Ms. Aretha Franklin.

Recap: I hate when I have to play catch up blogging :)

2008-09-13T16:44:00.001-04:00

Work Situation:
Things are going much better, but not for the reasons you may think. I “lost” the battle of getting a new manager. Lost may be an exaggeration but it is reality. What learned from this experience is that corporate america is s cold game (not that I didn’t know this), but the level of lowness and desperation amazes me. What I found is even though my boss was performing horribly at her job, she managed to play some cards that deviated all attention from her. What can I say, she has tens year over me. I’m not saying she got off clear and free but she threw me under the bus in ways I had no idea would even become valid reasons.

So I found myself at a crossroads, the ultimatum was stay and work with her or find a new job. This all went down a week ago on Friday. I needed the entire weekend to regroup, and I swear I wanted to quit. My mother and My Guy advised me to suck it up and play nice in the sandbox. I swear that was the hardest part (stepping out of my ego). By Sunday I decided I would play nice, however I will keep my options wide open. So this past week marks the start of something new, playing nice on the corporate plantation. I am sure it was expected for me to turn in my resignation letter, but I figure I’d wait & show I can rise above this awful situation, become a valued team member, let the waters cool, and then bounce on their assess (sorry but I don’t get paid well enough for this bullshit).

Love Life:
Oh how I adore my honey bunny. Things are moving quite well for us, it’s almost been 90 days, lol. Last Saturday night he sent me a drunken text telling me he was out drinking followed by another text that told me his front door was unlocked and he wanted to wake up to me. It was 7:30 am Sunday when I read these messages and like an earthquake shaking me in the night, I quickly got up and got ready to see My Guy. When I arrived the door was unlocked and he was sound asleep. I could tell he was drunk last night from the position he was in while in bed.

I got undressed and hopped in his bed; mind you sleeping beauty never hears me. I lay in his bed for about 40 minutes until I decided I would wrap my arms around him and rubbed him gently. To his surprise there I was and it was so lovely to be in his warm embrace. The funny thing is, he didn’t recall sending me the text; but clearly he meant to because the door was unlocked. We ended up spending the entire day together and it was sweet. I will see him tomorrow and I can’t wait.

My Birthday:
So I decided I would acknowledge the fact that this will be my last year in my 20s (wow, how time flies). My birthday is on the 19th, and I decided next Saturday I would invite some friends out to join me for dinner and dancing. Every year I reflect on what I’ve accomplished as it relates to my birthday. The most exciting thing of course is my graduate program, but honestly I must admit it feels good to be in a real relationship and being able to share these moments with someone who makes me feel special.

...

2008-09-09T20:47:00.002-04:00

Damn, so much to blog about, yet no time or patience to write the shit down. To be continued...

Time Out from The Corporate Plantation Bullshit…

2008-09-04T11:21:00.001-04:00

Let me talk about My Guy and I, yesterday marked a week since I’ve seen my man. There were many reasons why a week went by without seeing each other. It was also during this time apart I let my idle mind get the most of me. Why is it during a relationship (especially a new one) you tend to think the worst about the situation just because it’s going great? I admitted to myself and even to him that the fear of him hurting me or the pain of a breakup itself is scary to me. But I know you can’t live life giving into your fears.

So yesterday I spoke to My Guy during the day and we decided we would talk later on in the evening and see each other this Sunday. My Guy calls me around 10pm and 20 minutes into our conversation we begin to have phone sex (which I expected to happen). The urge to see him and be in his arms was an overbearing and mutual feeling so we decided to meet up somewhere halfway and hump in the car like some teenagers. I raced off the phone to throw on a short dress for easy access, 3 minutes later he called me back to inform me that he was too tipsy to drive. He lives about 30 to 35 miles away from me. I admit I was disappointed at this point, but determined to see My Guy. I decided to drive to his house at 11:00pm on a school night.

As soon as I arrived at his front door it was on. There was no way we could wait until Sunday to see each other, too much time had passed. It felt so good to be in arms, and to feel his kisses. It was during our 3rd session while we were in his bed something happened….

As we were cuddling and he was kissing my shoulders he says, “I love you”, but then he said “Ooops”, lol. I totally understood the slipup; my reply was “I’ll ignore that and its all good.” He then went on to say that obviously he’s very comfortable with me and has very strong feelings. It was at this moment that we made the most passionate love. Regardless of what he said or even took back, our actions clearly conveyed the message of love. I never slept so peacefully or secure.

Corporate Plantation:Take One...

2008-09-03T21:54:00.000-04:00

So yesterday it went down in our corporate office. By the grace of God our “team meeting” was cancelled by our fearless leader; which truly was a blessing I so didn’t want to attend. As I walked into our office suite I could sense something major was on the horizon. I even took a vicodin before work (kids don’t try this at home), I needed something to calm down my nerves and not drive me to the land of pistivity. All of the key players were in the conference room discussing “office issues”. It wasn’t until later on my boss got her VIP invite to have a “discussion” with the big boys.

I didn’t lurk around to see how things went down, but boy if I could be a fly on the wall. I’m sure she was surprised that this would come to this point, but at the end of the day she really had all of this coming. You can’t continue to fuck on your job performance and expect no one to say a word; and it didn’t help that I had my own “hr issue” with you. So now I am waiting on Mr. V.P. to get back to me, he said to give him a week while he looked into the issue. Technically a week will be tomorrow, so we’ll just wait and see…

Once Again Its On...

2008-09-02T07:41:00.002-04:00

I could hardly sleep most of last night; I had too much on my mind. The most pressing issue would be work; last week shit hit the fan and I had to have an emergency talk with our company’s V.P. since the CEO was on a week long vacation. I had to tell him effective immediately I no longer wished to be the assistant to my boss. The week was a sneak peak trip to hell. I guess my boss had an epiphany and realized how bad she’s been fucking up lately. So all last week, she started sending me reprimanding and heavy criticism emails. I knew exactly what she was trying to do. See, I am no stranger to this bullshit corporate plantation game.

Now that the heat is on her, she’s trying to throw me under the bus. Any and everything that has gone wrong on her time is always someone else’s fault. I’ve seen this behavior before, the only problem is black on black crime is the worst. I swear we can be our own worst enemy. I’ve tried to help this woman as a “friend”, and now that she’s feeling threatened she’s trying to tarnish my work performance. What’s sad is all that’s happening bad in her life is a direct result of her actions or lack there of. There was never a need to set her up because she did such a great job on her own. The only thing I am guilty of is trying to assist her even when her prideful ass continued to keep me in the dark.

My V.P. tried to get me to understand that my talent/skills are much needed on her team. Shit I know that, but she’s the one who wants to pretend like she has everything in control. Its ugly people, and it sucks to have that kind of working environment. Who knows how the week will play out (thank God its short)? I am not at all worried, he promised me “job security”, but I was never worried about my job. To be honest I know as well as the key players know how much of an asset I am to the company. Not to mention I am one of few employees who has a genuine interest in our business. It’s just ashamed that women can be so insecure and constantly trying to take each other out. I will not tolerate this bullshit in my company.

So first thing this morning we have our bullshit “team meeting”, and I have to be the bigger person and attend, even though I want off this team. Hopefully this will be my last “team meeting”. Here’s to a great week!

Sunday Loving....

2008-08-25T16:46:00.001-04:00

I’m still drifting on my memory of the time My Guy and I shared yesterday. There are never really the right words to describe the feelings this man evokes in me and how grateful I am to have him in my life. We spent the day together in what I can only imagine as time shared between two lovers who are committed to making each other happy. It felt great to just lie out on the couch, watch tv, and just stare into each others eyes. Our sex is incredible and I’ll spare the details for now, but it feels good to give yourself to someone who treats you like gold. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the others have treated me like trash (Lol). Its just our lovemaking is unlike I could ever imagine.

He decided to take us for a drive through the “country”. He lives in the suburbs about 30 miles outside of Dallas in a typical cookie cutter neighborhood. It was a sunny and bright day; and I didn’t let the God awful heat block me from enjoying the outdoors with My Guy. We stopped for lunch at this cute rustic hole in the wall joint. The food was pretty good, but isn’t that always the case. During our drive back to the house, I decided to show my man how appreciative I was for such a fun and quick outing that I gave him some head on our way back home (I like the sound of that “home”).

We continued the afternoon playing couch potatoes, talking, and loving each other. There were a few times during our moments of intimacy (not necessarily sexing) that I had an overwhelming urge to blurt out I love you. We talked about this one day last week, and he told me even though he feels like he loves me; he wants to wait until the timing is right. I couldn’t be mad at that comment, because it was at that moment I knew we were at least on the same page, but wanted to make sure we’re not just saying it for the sake of saying it. He gives me butterflies when I think about moments we share or whenever I am in his presence. What a man…

The Only Opinion That Counts...

2008-08-23T21:10:00.002-04:00

Funny how you wake every morning never quite sure how the day will end; I guess the fun is in the unknown. Well I thought my Friday would be relaxed, semi productive, and no drama. Without going into too much background/dirt digging, lets just say my boss annoyed the hell out of me once again. We had an important tour (investors) coming to look at one of our buildings and she neglects (once again) to inform me. At this point I don’t know if she’s brain dead or just a straight fuck up. But once again someone else informs me about a tour and is looking for my assistance to make things happen. I have absolutely no problem being there for my team, but my boss needs to learn how to communicate a hell of a lot better.

Because of the major inconvenience I had to endure, without thinking as I was leaving the building being toured I informed our company’s CEO that I needed to talk to him. I guess he could see the look on my face and saw there was an issue; as I was pulling out of my parking space I saw him walk out looking for me. I rode up to him and the first thing that came out of my mouth was “I can’t work like this…” I quickly explained my issues and I knew I only had a few minutes before showtime, but he promised we would talk later when he got back in the office.

I’ll fast-forward to our conversation, I started by telling him I felt underutilized, out of the loop on relevant information, and I feel like a worker just passing under the radar (which isn’t my work style). He agreed a 100 percent with where I was coming from and was very apologetic for not including me on the email he sent to my boss the prior evening about the tour. But my issue was with my boss, that should have been her job since I am her assistant and I always end up having to fill in the gaps. I purposely didn’t turn it into a bashing fest about her, although I am full of ammunition.

He then went on to tell me he knows what kind of employee I am, and very much considers me an asset. He also informed me about his plans to ensure I advance within the company. In fact, he even gave me his word that my time is coming especially since he’s planning to expand the company’s portfolio. What made this moment so special was the fact that for the first time I am being recognized and complemented on my skills from an opinion that matters the most (the check signer). Its funny how God works in mysterious ways; both of my bosses were out of the office while I was having this talk with “Big Boss” and he informed me he was going on vacation all next week so the timing couldn’t have been better. He has a game plan for us when he returns back to work and for some reason I trust what he says.

At this point I have to now focus my energy on trying to remain positive towards my boss even though she constantly pisses me off. The focal point now is the bigger picture and all I have to do is continue on the same path and be patient. I’ll let the powers at be deal with my boss who’s hanging herself an inch deeper every week…

To The Point...

2008-08-21T11:28:00.000-04:00

Today is my first class of the fall semester and I am very excited. Fall is usually the most exciting time on any campus; it’s the beginning of a new school year and football season (although I hear our team is a little on the wack side). I joined our graduate real estate club and became an officer; our first meeting was yesterday evening and we had a pretty good turn out. I am so anxious about all of the good things happening in my life. I believe being affiliated with this organization will propel me professionally; the network and resources I am building are priceless.

My love life couldn’t be better. I saw My Guy Monday and Tuesday evening. Its funny how having a man (or mate for that matter) in your life can give you a new outlook on your life. Words can’t begin to describe the joy this man brings to me. I finally feel like everything is finally playing out in my favor.

The job situation is mixed, I’ve spent the past few weeks talking to the key players within our company; just letting them know more about me and how I am an asset to their team. Now the immediate boss is another issue. It puzzles me how many mediocre managers there are in the workforce. What is upper management considering when hiring/promoting certain people in management level positions? It’s obviously not an issue of relevant experience or education. However, in this case they acquired her when they bought the building so its not she was personally drafted. But again, I’m not worried I am strategically aligning my contacts to make thing work out in my favor.

A letter to My Guy...

2008-08-14T17:51:00.001-04:00

So I emailed the following to My Guy just now:

Hey you,

I was thinking about a few items you said over lunch today. The things that have you a little down, believe me I understand where your frustration is coming from. At least once a month I go through my “funk” period where I feel like a hamster spinning in a wheel leading no where and as much as I bitch and complain; I try to think about the few blessings I’ve experienced within the past 8 months. One thing I promised myself is to never let any year go by without progress.

My professional life may not be exactly the way I want it as of today but my personal life couldn’t be better (corny part).Since you’ve been in my life, I’ve realized how empty I was even though I thought I was totally fulfilled. If I can find happiness in a person I freaking met over the internet than surely other aspects of my life will fall into place in due time. It’s never on MY time, but it’s always on time. I want you to know that I think you’re an awesome man on so many levels. You bring so much joy to my heart, my life, and my spirit. You are by far one of the greatest fathers I’ve come to know (next to my daddy and my brother). I can only pray that I am blessed to have a child with a man like you.

So the next time you’re feeling down (and this goes for me as well), think about a special moment we shared. Chin up baby and smile, because I’m always here.

ME :)

Being "Bratty"...

2008-08-13T20:17:00.000-04:00

Things with My Guy and I are moving right along. The time we spent together right after his trip was wonderful. I haven’t seen him since last Saturday (that day I picked up my mother from the airport). I enjoy the times we share; in fact I crave the attention he shows me when we’re together. But our lives have a certain element of complication. Both of our time is divided with our on doings and then we try to make time for one another; I often find myself feeling a void. In a perfect world I would love for it to be just him and I and all of the time in the world to be together.

I can’t wait until fall semester starts next week at least I’ll have my studies to dive into. I’ll also have more campus activities (I so need the distractions). Its funny how love can make you crazy at times. Under any other circumstances I would end our relationship simply because I am not getting my way or I would find another person who could be available to me whenever I please. No, I would rather wait, be patient, and trust that My Guy will always make time for me as needed.

I wont see him until next week especially since my mother is in town. They’re not meeting this time around. I did casually mention an informal meeting to him but he was a little hesitant and said it was a little pressure. I only offered because my mother only comes into town once a year and their next meeting would be in L.A. But it has only been two months and that is a little soon to meet the parents. At any rate, I’ll now go day dream about the great memories we share.

Hater Alert...

2008-08-12T21:40:00.001-04:00

The past few days have been emotionally draining. I’ll first back up and say my mommy is in town and I am so happy to spend this time with. She flew out to Houston this morning to hang out with one of her friends and will return to Dallas tomorrow evening. She’s been here since last Saturday and will be here until Sunday. Things have been great having her around. She’s my friend and such a great mom. I haven’t seen her since New Year day.

Back to the reason behind this post. My professional life is a mess, I love my job and can’t stand my boss (what else is new?). After a few events that have unfolded in the last few days, it has become very clear that my boss considers me a threat to her position. Never mind the fact that I developed a personal relationship with her, explained very specifically what my professional goals were (not her damn job), and thought since she and I check the same ethnic box (a rarity in our industry) we would have each other’s back. But no, she’s proven just like “Becky” that any new smart, young, ambitious, and competent woman joining a company under a female manager will always have to dumb down their ambition and intelligence to stroke the insecurities of a mediocre leader.

There’s nothing I can do at this point within my company other than watch her dig herself into a grave because she refuses to delegate tasks and allow me to help her. I don’t understand the mentality of a manager who doesn’t want to nurture a person with genuine interests in our company but would rather hold them back or keep them with as little knowledge as possible. This isn’t anything new to me. In fact, I’ve experienced this at every job I’ve had in this industry (3 different companies) same shit, just a different day. I even have a few friends experiencing the same thing. What I have learned in my experience and also through my program is; it’s easy to manage slackers or “not so smart” employees. But it takes exceptional leadership skills to manager/lead employees who are smart and take pride in what they do.

In the mean time, I’ll let the higher powers at be determine my fate. I know I am on the path to greatest whenever an abundance of haters start to surface.

2 more days and counting...

2008-08-04T11:52:00.000-04:00

Your girl is so love sick. So I this past weekend sucked ass, I missed My Guy so much. It’s been over a week since we’ve seen each other and it won’t be until at least Wednesday before I see him again. He’s coming home early, heading back tomorrow (yeah) it’s a seven hour drive. For the first time in a while I couldn’t wait until Monday came, just so I could go to work and get out of the house for eight hours. I did some homework/studying and hung out with a friend on Saturday but its 105 plus degrees here so I am not trying to do too many outdoor activities.

What I’ve realized in My Guy’s absence is I truly care for him. I can’t image life without him at this point. This past week has been the hardest time period for me in quite some time. I can’t even imagine what its like to not see him under bad conditions, I know it would hurt. I spoke to him briefly last night and I so wanted to say I love you, but I won’t utter those words for awhile-gotta save face.

Me Post Weave

2008-08-04T11:28:00.004-04:00

I must admit I am in love with my hair, and I can't wait until My Guy can run his fingers through it,lol. If you wanna grow out your hair, I swear by weaves :)

A Corporate Plantation Update...

2008-08-01T11:36:00.003-04:00

So it looks like the love life is going in my favor. But of course life isn’t a bed of roses and other arenas will have its challenges. So let’s talk about work, haha. Well the past few weeks have been challenging emotionally. I will first start off by saying I will not have a personal relationship with any future bosses. Bad Idea.I wrote about this “relationship” in prior posts and because I am the type to try things at least once; I now know why this is not a good idea. Where do I begin with this story?

The problem with work is I am hitting the glass ceiling on mental stimulation. My job isn’t satisfying my mental state. As an assistant property manager (which is technically a step down from my previous job) I feel more like a property administrator, which has a job description that is pretty much explained in its title. I am doing more admin work and less strategic or analytical work. Both of my managers are not use to having an assistant who is competent, so that means they don’t know how to delegate tasks to me. This is also their first time managing an office staff, which means we’re more focused on building a sorority than a productive work team.

Here’s the problem with befriending your bosses. Every professional line gets crossed very easily. If you hang out often with your bosses during after hours you begin to see their true colors and take mental notes of their behavior outside the workplace. Let’s start with boss #1; her problem is when she gets drunk she requires babysitting. She’s the type that kisses on everybody in the club and just embarrasses the hell out of anyone with a fraction of dignity. I have not whiteness this for myself; fortunately on the last two occasions of this type of partying I had prior commitments. However, as always things come back to work and even she told me about her nights out. Now to add more colorful information: she’s 30, married with 2 young boys. So my question is how am I supposed to perceive you as my boss? I understand what you do in your personal life is your business. But it becomes company’s business when you do this with coworkers.

Boss #2 (the one I’ve befriended), she’s cool as a person. But her management skills are garbage. Her partying habits are not as extreme but she pushes the envelope when we’re out. There’s nothing wrong with being a party girl. But is it just me or do the rules change when you have kids, and a woman knocking on 40? Again, I am not judging. I am simply giving my reasons for why mixing work with pleasure may not be a good idea. This is also my boss who told me in a conversation that her management style doesn’t include molding people and she would rather hire slackers in lower level positions. Might I also add that she’s working on her MBA with a concentration in Human Resource (nice).

Getting back to my feelings of being under utilize. So what does a smart, ambitious, and highly skilled worker do when they want to learn more and demonstrate their skills, but their immediate bosses are not the roles models I can learn anything from? On a professional level they can’t offer me too much. In my opinion and also what is constantly instilled in me through my program; a leader’s job is to motivate, inspire, and groom future leaders. It’s a manager’s responsibility to take their staff (particularly your assistant) under their wing and provide as much knowledge and tools possible for them to one day advance and also take care of things in your absence. I wouldn’t say they are threatened by me. I just believe they have no idea how to work with a person like me. It’s easy to lead slackers and incompetent people; it requires no core management skills.

The other day I had a conversation with the VP of our company and expressed my interests in wanting to explore other departments within our organization. In all honestly I am over property management, and have been for some time especially since I am not even being mentally stimulated now. I told him about my interests in the leasing/brokerage and acquisitions side of commercial real estate. I also mentioned how I wanted to implement some of the things I am learning in my grad program to my company, which he warmly invited me to do. I am glad I had this conversation with him for a number of reasons. For starters, he thought I was an introvert (go figure). Looking back by pure coincidence it seems whenever he passes by I am in my office quiet and working. I’ve never taken the time to have a conversation with him because he’s the VP and he always looks busy, lol. But during our talk he mentioned how now he can see I am a personable and lively person (how funny). Now, our President knows I am very outgoing and knows I am bright as well. I had a conversation with him a few months back to let him know I am no dummy and very much motivated and always striving for more.

The bottom line now is I am going to have to figure out a way to not let my personal feelings about my bosses affect or block my opportunities to excel within this company. I’ve made it clear I don’t want their jobs (which I don’t); I so want bigger and better. So now that I’ve made it know that leasing/acquisitions is where I want to be I am now doing my homework so when I approach him again I can provide some assistance based off the research I conducted, which shows not only initiative but proof that I am serious…

Feeling Stupid....

2008-07-30T21:36:00.004-04:00

THANKS to Blu for posting that KICKASS poem that I so graciously cut, pasted, and emailed to My Guy. I got the following reply, and NO I did not take the credit for writing such a beautiful piece.

He Said:
wow baby!!

did you write this?

i am obviously dealing with a poet if that's the case. Quite a lovely one at that.... : )

i really feel bad that i didn't get a chance to hold you and love on you yesterday.

hopefully, you don't hold that against me. its wasn't because i didn't wanna come see you , it's just i have a lot to take care of before our trip.

i'm thinking real serious about coming back a day early next week , so i can spend some time with you. that coupled with the fact that i will more than likely have next weekend all to myself, should allow me to make up some quality time that you so justly deserve!

i miss you sunshine!!

Yes, I feel like a moron for my previous post. I again THANK YOU BLU for stopping me from sending that damn text message this morning, all because you made a heart felt comment to my last post at the BEST time.

Collectively (bloggers), we’re going to make this relationship work,lol.

*side note* He is coming back on tuesday or wednesday to spend time with yours truly. I'm now on cloud 20...

Freaking Out of My Mind...

2008-07-29T21:15:00.005-04:00

Thanks to T.C.. inspired me to come out of my shame and admit that I too can be my worst enemy (thanks a lot, lol). Why must I over analyze shit? Here we go again blog, I am freaking confused about my relationship with My Guy.

Side note: I am so happy I am recording this, I can’t wait to revisit how insane I sound later down the line, lol.

So what’s the confusion this time? Where do I begin? This issue short and sweet is: I don’t know if I can tolerate the fact that My Guy has a complicated life. He welcomes the challenges of inviting me into his world, but I don’t know if I want to put up the fight. On the other hand, I like him so much. In fact, I wish I didn’t have such strong feelings (it would be a lot easier). I find myself lately trying to talk my feeling away, telling myself to pull back. But its too late I am so gone and having him out of my life would hurt. But my happiness is important as well.

So what’s complicated, I have to accept he has a 12 years old son who will require a lot of attention since he is now at an age where a father figure is very crucial. Not to mention My Guy is a great father. Friday through Sunday mornings are reserved for their quality time-period end of story. But what if I want to go away for a weekend? I’m sure we can occasionally. Or am I being selfish? There is absolutely nothing I can do or even change regarding his son, and I am not suggesting anything different. But I am childfree and my world revolves around me. But when you find someone you think may be “it”, when do you say okay this is just how it has to be.

His dogs, oh I neglected to mention he has yet another dog. Last Friday he told me he is now the proud owner of a female pure breed German Sheppard puppy. These dogs grow up to be the size of a damn horse. Now, what the hell am I to do about TWO damn dogs? I was just warming up to the idea of the first one, now I have a pony to worry about. Is this a deal breaker? He jokingly made the comment that the dogs were a superficial reason to be deal breakers. But clearly they are not when it comes to my freaking allergies. He said he was more than willing to make sure the house is cleaned and the dogs are in their kennels.

I guess I am in panic mode because it’s still very early in our relationship, despite my feelings. But if I need to pull out now is the time to think about that seriously. Even as I read my prior posts clearly the man has brought a permanent smile to my face. But these two things are very near and dear to him and its part of who he is. I am not getting any younger and I don’t want to waste time nor throw away something without putting up a good fight. But I also want to pick my battles. My heart hurts even as write this. I’ve been totally swept off my feet and now I am worried about what could be a simple speed bump or the edge of cliff. Don’t know what to do right.

Just to make things even more “fun” My Guy and his son are going deep-sea fishing (a trip planned before me) for a week. They leave Friday morning and won’t be back until next Thursday. My mother is coming into town the following weekend for a week. So our time together will be shut down for about two weeks. I believe it’s a little premature for him to meet my mother at this point, but the thought did cross my mind.

Over the weekend My Guy said he wanted to spend some time with me before he leaves since it will be a while before we hook up again. I was busy Monday evening and we agreed to Tuesday evening (today). However, that was canceled. The funny thing is I woke up this morning knowing we would not see each other today, so I made no preparations. He called in the afternoon to inform me that his works hours are about to change (his clients are all on pacific time), which means he will work a little later now (great). In addition to this news he also informs me that he had a lot of errands to run before their trip so last night wouldn’t work for him. Again, there’s nothing for me to say at this point other than okay.

I now find myself going through an “emotional” withdrawal. I also want to tell him don’t bother trying to fix me into your list of “things to do” before your trip. I will probably tell him that in the morning. Maybe I am acting like a selfish brat? Or maybe this time a part is set up like this to give me time to think about what I want to do. I keep telling myself ‘I wish I didn’t care one way or the other.’ I’m not sure if it’s my ego or my heart. I do know my guard is up now, and I have to gain control of my feelings…

The Ex Files...

2008-07-27T09:08:00.000-04:00

I hung out with some friends on Thursday evening after my class and ran into Mr. Godiva. This was during our second and final spot to hang out and kick it. As soon as I walked into the door there he was at a table with another man and a woman. I am a thousand percent positive he saw me, but I kept walking as if I didn’t know him. Kudos to me for always looking decent when I am in public, lol. So I quickly informed my group of who was here in case they caught me gazing in that direction.

I was heavily in encouraged to do another walk by and even say hello. I truly didn’t see the point, which surprised me because I was tipsy enough to be bold. I did wish My Guy was with me, for childish reasons. I would love for him to see how I’ve upgraded post him. One thing he did that annoyed me was he left his party and went to the bar and started harassing some random fairly young black women. I wasn’t in the slightest bit jealous; I just knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to perform and show me he can still pick up women. My friend pointed out a few times he would glance in our direction. I purposely faced another direction. I’d be damned if you saw me looking your wack ass show.

I understand anyone can have a few drinks and start being “social”. But the women he was talking to were mediocre and he looked desperate from his body language. Anyway, I didn’t say a word. In fact, I was conveniently on my cell phone as we walked out. Oh the joy of running into an old episode…

When You've Got It Bad...

2008-07-24T15:53:00.000-04:00

As I am floating into space and reminiscing on the times I share with My Guy, I can’t help but over analyze everything damn thing. What am I expecting from this man so quickly? Why am I not in better control of my feelings? Why am I even tripping in the first place? This may all seem a little redundant and it is. At this point, I am recording any and all thoughts/emotions I am experiencing during this relationship. I can’t wait to reflect on all of this several months from now.

So My Guy came over Monday evening, and I knew I wanted to have a “talk” with him. There was no real point or purpose to my “talk”. I guess I was seeking more validation for my feelings and a clearer picture of how he feels about me. But why do I need this reassurance when his actions clearly display how he feels about me (because I am woman and that’s what we freaking do). During this conversation I asked what exactly is he doing differently since this seems to be the theme of our relationship. He said for one thing, he calls me just to talk. Since he has to talk on the phone a lot during the work week he usually doesn’t like to have extended phone conversations on his off days. However, he finds himself wanting to talk to me over the phone at times just to see what and how I am doing (awe how sweet). He also shared with me the fact that usually when he finds himself in a relationship that is getting too heavy too soon he backs off, but he’s not running away from what he’s feeling with me.

After hearing all of this it brought some clarity to the situation. But it wasn’t everything I wanted to hear. Again what the hell was I truly expecting? I know; I think you’re the one for me and I am ready to move further down the line. But what the hell am I thinking? (Yes, I am really talking to myself during this post). I know he likes me just as much as I like him. He’s proven that already, I guess just hearing the words straight out rater than the action is what I am looking for. So anyhow, I bought him some underwear. His sweet little dog has an adorable habit of eating his underwear when he’s doing laundry or leaving them around. I thought it would be a cute idea to buy him some. I’ve actually never bought underwear for a guy before. I also didn’t realize how expensive they are for freaking 2, lol. I bought him 2 packs and decided to personalize them. I had a fabric maker from last Halloween and decided to write cute notes on the inside waistband. I wrote “Sexy” and “I miss you”.

To my surprise he really loved the fact that I bought him underwear. He said it was the sweetest gift he’s gotten in a while. GO ME!!! He even made the comment “my girlfriend bought me underwear”. This brings up another point. I hear this phrase being thrown around occasionally and I wonder when did I earn this title. Its like I am taking it back to grade school, I want to be asked formally, lol. As if I would say no. But its like, do I now tell people I have a boyfriend? I have not been formally introduced to anyone just yet so I am not sure what he would say when that happens…

To be continued

Something New...

2008-07-19T21:57:00.001-04:00

Thinking of the movie for this post. So as you know Mr. Guy is white (no big deal). I’ve actively dated other ethnic groups for the past 2 years. However, the ideal person of another race would be one who is already familiar with the black culture. Don’t date me and expect me to be your almanac for the African American community. I don’t represent EVERY black person. Moving on, so there were a few scenes in that movie I could totally relate to.

The Hair:

I’ve been rocking a weave since March of 07. I had to fire my last hairdresser and a friend of mine was client of a stylist who specializes solely in weaves. So a star was born, no damage to my hair. At that time I was dating Mr. Godiva (white man), so he saw my hair pre weave and after. He didn’t care one way or the other. But let’s fast-forward to My Guy. Let me first say My Guy is very affluent with the black culture while maintaining his Irish roots (something I love about him). I don't want a “whigger”..lol

My Guy asked me about my hair and if I wear my hair naturally. I told him yes (lol) and showed him plenty of pictures. He wasn’t being mean about it, but that night I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to rip the weave out that night. I just had this overwhelming need to let her go and rock my hair. I cant front I want him to run his fingers through my hair and rub my scalp. It’s a silly thing, but its funny how a man can indirectly influence you to make some minor changes about yourself. And this works both ways. The funny thing is I have hair, way too much. My shit is super thick and I don’t know how to comb it (may be I should say I don’t know how to manage it). Not to mention weaves are addictive, I truly could just keep going and going.lol. My weave isn’t obnoxious; in fact most people don’t know it’s a weave. But anyway she’s coming out in a week.

The Penis:

Cock vs. Dick. I think cock is freaking hilarious and I can’t bring myself to say the word and keep a straight face. It is so a white thing, my experience has proven that. My white men have both used the word frequently. But am I the only one? I would rather my guy say dick. Cock is just a funny word to me. Suck my cock, haha.

Cool Waters...

2008-07-17T11:19:00.000-04:00

Thanks to those who responded to my call for help. I admit I was a little on the dramatic side that morning. I did see him yesterday evening and I felt bad because he’s sick now (and I think I made him sick) and rather than say go home after work baby; I wanted to see him. I did give him a full body massage with some Vitamin E body oil (something new I tried). It was the least I could do for being so selfish and wanting to see him sick as a dog.

Also let me say I’m not really neglecting any friends. But I could focus some more energy on my schoolwork. I’m still in my summer school funk and just lost my mojo. I have about 2 weeks left and then a ONE-week break until fall semester starts.

911..

2008-07-15T09:24:00.003-04:00

I am reaching out to any of you who've read my blog or even the last few posts about My Guy. I must confess I am losing my mind over this guy and its scaring me a little. Don't get me wrong I am not going to take any drastic measures at this point, but this guy consumes my thoughts. I like this guy so much, that I think he's the one and it's only been 3 weeks. Its like I wish it were 9 months later and I had these feelings, maybe I wouldn't feel so scared about my feelings.

I'm not sure what to do, and I am not comfortable disclosing all of this information right now. What the hell do I even say, I think I love you? Its too soon, I keep telling myself, take your time. But am I to ignore or muffle my feelings? I don't want him to think I am psyhco (lol) I can't think straight, I don't even see other men. I don't want any other man. I adore everything about this guy. Its little shit that he does that has me grinning and cheesing like a little girl.

On another note, we have plans to see each other tomorrow evening. We are suppose to plan something fun and creative. Any ideas?? I don't really want to go out and we don't have all of the time in the world since we both have to work.

Help your girl out....

A Sunday Kind Of Love…

2008-07-14T20:00:00.001-04:00

This is the best song to describe they way I feel and what I experienced. Saturday My Guy sent the following text “Tomorrow I want u to leave your door unlocked so I can surprise you in the morning.” My panties were soak and wet when I read that. We’d made plans for him to spend Sunday with me, but I didn’t really know what to expect. Oh I am such a loser. So of course I am like a kid the night before Christmas, I couldn’t sleep. I even stayed up late so I would be sleepy enough to not hear here come through my door. I even took some benadryl (yes I was serious). I set my alarm clock to 6:30 am so I could wake up to unlock my door, comb my hair (a little) and removed my head scarf, lol. Don‘t get me wrong I wanted to look as natural as possible but I didn’t want to be too raw in the daylight.

So I did end up hearing him come through the door, drop his clothes (I have hardwood floors) and climb into my bed. It was perfect, to have his body next to mine so early in the morning. After some great love making, I made breakfast (a meal I can actually cook). We spent the entire day full of leaisure. I swear I could get use to this. He scored MAJOR brownie points because I know his Sundays are usually reserved for golf and he gave his Sunday to me. I am so into this man. I feel like he is the one, its scary how quickly I’ve fallen for him. He makes me feel so good inside and he adores me.

DESPERATE???

2008-07-12T19:39:00.000-04:00

I had conversation with a “friend” this past week about My Guy. Now this “friend” is the infamous character in my old mini series entitled “A Love Jones” (in case you need to be brought up to speed). Anyway, he mentioned he read my blog recently specifically the “Who Would Have Thought & My Guy and I”. He mentioned he was happy that I found someone who’s keeping an obvious smile on face, however he called me DESPERATE. I quickly became defensive, because out of all the words to describe my emotions/feelings DESPERATE is the furthest thing I am currently feeling especially in regards to My Guy.

I define the acts of being DESPERATE as it relates to relationships as the following:
1. A person who is willing to be the “sideline player” aka “winner up” or second best
2. A person who stays in a long ass unproductive relationship out of guilt, years together (time served), baby, or can’t do better.
3. A person who is quick to call any and everyone their “man/woman” because they are needy.

Of course I consider the source that made the comment. But I by no means feel like I am “settling” or “slumming” for the sake of calling some man My Guy. How about you can really find someone out there who genuinely knocks you off your feet. How about love at first sight could actually be true. How about you may possibly know when you’ve met someone special because your instinct is clearly letting you know.

I’m not going as far and saying this “friend” is a hater. It’s more like cynical, I understand you haven’t been exposed to the picture perfect relationship, but I believe it does exist. What I mean by perfect is you can meet and have a relationship with someone who makes you happy, feel complete, better, exclusively, and most of all loves you unconditionally.

In the end he took the comment back, and rephrased it to being “sprung” or “wide open”. Call it what you want but trust this girl is happy and feeling a lot of love in return.

He Got Me Cooking…

2008-07-09T12:21:00.001-04:00

Yesterday evening My Guy and I spent some time together at my house, and because of this joyous occasion I decided to flex my “nondomestic” skills and cook a meal for him. Initially, I was going to purchase take out, and then I thought about buying a ready made meal at the grocery store. In case you don’t know, cooking isn’t one of my better skills. As I was expressing my interest to cook with my coworkers; they encouraged me to try something simple. So I decided to cook chicken tetrazzini, the recipe seemed relatively easy so I thought I could handle it.

During my lunch I went to the grocery store and purchased all of the necessary ingredients and did some minor straighten up for my expected house guest. (The feeling of having your guy come over is such a good feeling). Since he’s doing some training this week at work he got off a little earlier than usual, so I had him meet me at my house. I literally live 10 minutes from my job. So I arrived home around 4:30pm and there he was waiting for me in his car. He watched TV while I prepared our meal. He was definitely applauding my efforts. He thought it was very cute, and he also knows cooking isn’t my favorite thing to do in the world (brave soul).

Ok let’s fast forward to meal being just about done. Well I noticed as I was taking the dish out of the oven, it was a soupy/watery. So I decided to try to drain some of the juice out, which worked and of course I almost spill the entire meal in the damn sink. So I fixed our plates and we sat at my dinning room table (oh what a brave soul). He takes his first bite and gives me the “this is good baby, for your first try at this dish.” code for: Practice makes perfect. I tasted the dish myself and it lacked seasoning...haha.

The overall point of the evening wasn’t to embarrass myself, but I am now getting to a point in our relationship where I am comfortable. For me when I am comfortable with a guy I start to let my guard down by showcasing my flaws. If I am trying to make a good impression on guy, cooking would be the last thing I’d do because I don’t cook well. It’s like we’re at a point where he can watch me stumble and fall, we all know no one is perfect. However, we tend to act like we are during the “honeymoon” stages of dating. Now I’ll admit I am not comfortable enough to shit or fart in front him yet, lol. That takes a little more time. Isn’t it funny how we act like we don’t do those things when we have company?

I Like Him So Much, He’s Making Me Sick…

2008-07-07T17:24:00.002-04:00

Like in most new “relationships” you’ll soon encounter a few speed bumps. So last week I spent the day and night with My Guy at his place. I knew he had a dog and figured, I’d get over my psychological issues and befriend “fido”. So during my stay things couldn’t have been better. I so enjoy this man’s company. We laughed, played games, had excellent conversation, and enjoyed a night of star gazing from his backyard patio. What more could a girl ask for?

The next morning right before I left My Guy made us breakfast and I was set to begin my journey back home. This is when the horror began. How about my eyes were so freaking puffy and I thought my nose was going to fall off from sneezing so damn much. As soon as I got home I took damn near every drug in my medicine cabinet, and that’s how I spent my 4th of July. Saturday and Sunday were pretty much the same. I was heavily medicated and slept the entire weekend away. On those two days I had the worst sore throat. Which brings me to today, at least my sore throat has ceased. But now I can’t breathe out of my nose, and I sound very stuffy.

All of this behind his damn dog, its way too early to even consider asking him to chose between me or the dog (how mean is that?). I guess for now we’ll have to have visits at my house. I’ve never had to share space with a dog before. None of my close friends have dogs and I’ve never dated a man with a dog (he’s actually a cute dog). This isn’t a deal breaker, I like him too much. But damn his dog…

Nothing like a great guy cooking food for you in his kitchen :)

My Guy & I…

2008-07-03T11:42:00.001-04:00

So we had our third date last night. We did happy hour with a few of my friends and it was a great evening. I have to confess I am diggin’ this guy in a major way. My Guy (this is his nickname) is everything I could ask for and then some. While some critics may say I am moving way too fast, I say fasten your seatbelt and enjoy a great ride. How could I fall for a guy so fast? (the nerve) I immediately think of that song by Deborah Cox “Nobody’s Suppose To Be Here”. What part of the game is this? What happened to all of my rules as it relates to new men entering my life? I guess there are truly exceptions to every rule. Do I entertain these rules for ego purposes and miss out on a chance of having a great guy?

My instinct about a man hasn’t kicked in this overbearing in awhile (if ever). Everything about us feels so natural and so right. I have a permanent smile whenever I think of him or in his company. When I am with him it’s as if no one or anything matters, it’s all about us. I can’t recall the last time I’ve felt like this. I admit I am scared, but I never let fear be a determining factor in any other part of my life so why chance it on love?

I see myself being with this guy, and it hasn’t even been a week. He consumes my every thought and I walk around with a radiant glow because he’s given me something I thought I didn’t need or wanted in my life right now. I want to feel special to someone. I want to laugh and be myself with that special person. I want that person to love me for me. I feel like anything is possible since he’s entered my life. Regardless of how this chapter plays out, I do know that “it factor” can be experienced at any phase of a relationship. He mentioned something to me last night that stuck in my mind. He told me to trust and have faith in my feelings, and to not be afraid to fly. It looks like I am ready to take that leap into the unknown with a guy I am totally smitten with.

Who Would Have Thought..

2008-06-30T11:06:00.002-04:00

Wow, is the best way to describe the pure bliss I am experiencing these past few days. So I met my first match.com hook up last Thursday evening, but before I go there allow me to detail how things happened. So we had our first phone conversation last Wednesday evening after we agreed via email to meet up at local Starbucks (it was the safest place I could think of to make a quick exit if necessary). So the first thing I noticed when I spoke to him is his voice. He has the best voice I’ve heard in a while especially for a white guy. You would swear he was black. It’s rather funny because I am the opposite; I have a white name and a matching voice to go with (lol).

So what I thought would be a 20 minute conversation turned into 3 hours. It was absolutely refreshing to have such an engaging first phone conversation. It turns out we have a lot in common. It was imperative after this great conversation that we meet up immediately, I will not fall in love with a voice and have no clue what he looks like. So we ended up meeting for drinks after work Thursday evening. It was just my luck we were both attracted to one another. Who would have thought match.com may actually work.

So I had class that same evening, so we only met for about an hour with plans to see other the next evening (Friday night). So Friday came and we had dinner at a great restaurant located in an outdoor retail shopping strip. It’s the perfect date spot, you can go from restaurant/ bar while shopping if you want. I told my co workers about my big date and they all decided to have a girl’s night and crash my date. Well maybe not crash, but I was cool with them meeting this guy. Nothing like having the approval of a few friends.

So we’re about 40 minutes into dinner when I get a text that my friends were there. Two of them came over and sat down at our table for about 10 minutes and then rolled out. When I say the dinner was lovely, it’s truly an understatement. Out waiter was great. In fact he complimented us on being such a nice looking couple and gave us well wishes. He could have been working the tip factor but I did feel like he was being genuine. After our dinner the waiter brought out a cute dessert for free. Here’s a picture of the plate.

After dinner we met my friends over at the bar area of the restaurant. He was a good sport especially since he wasn’t obligated this early into the game to meet let alone entertain my peeps. He bought a round of drinks and shared a laugh or two, and we rolled out. It was the perfect summer evening and the perfect atmosphere for great company. There’s also a lake on the property so we decided to walk around it and found an area to sit and talk. The chemistry is undeniable, I feel like a little girl when I am around him. The kisses are very sweet. The interesting part of one of our many conversations that evening was when we both admitted that this time we wanted to try things “different” this time around. Not rushing into the physical part, and just approaching this encounter totally out of our normal way of behaving.

I don’t know where this will lead but I am having a hell of ride and it’s been less than a week. I have it bad people, I think of him all of the time. I smile when I think of him and I feel like this is right, like he may be the one for me. WOW…we have another date this evening…

Ms. Confession's Reporting Live From Match.com

2008-06-23T20:30:00.004-04:00

So not sure if I mentioned I have a profile on match.com, after knowing a few people with fair success; I decided to give the site a try. So here we are 30 days later and I haven’t found love just yet. However, I am taking my time with this method of “dating”. I am in no rush to meet anyone until I feel its necessary. So anyway, I thought I’d share a few profiles on occasion. Some of these guys are pure comedy while there are some that have caught my attention. No I feel no shame in posting their profiles, after all they are available for the world via match.com

For example the following profile is from a man that reminds me of Mr. Old MBA- Hey some of you may like it, but I found him to be quite full of himself. I am more interested in this guy’s past. I smell a humble story about boy who was raised in small country town with a pet pig. LOL, he’s just too flossy for me (in a comical kind of way), and we’ll ignore the major typos for now. What do you think???

About my life and what I'm looking for
I'm looking for that special time with some one who is looking to add some excitement to their life. I'm 6'3 athletic, well educated, well traveled, in shape (I run, bike, swim). I'm confident but not conceited. In fact, I'm probably a little shy.   I'm considered handsome, well dressed (albeit I usually wear jeans) and no emotional baggage. I live a drama free life My Ideal Person: Someone who is looking for excitement, romance and the thrill of a special encounter. She is a professional, educated and understands the difference between sensuality and sexuality.  She is takes care of herself, can hold a conversation and maybe looking to rekindle the excitement and zest in her life. Attractive is important but personality and chemistry is just as important.   If I had a style of dress it would be considered classy casual/ maybe even somewhat bohemian yet I have a closet full of suits from Saks. I'm fiscally conservative but I also think a woman should have a right to choose, I see nothing wrong with gay marriage and yet I think we should have prayer in school.  If you just read all of that...I'm impressed...hopefully it gives you a glance into who I am...I'm looking forward to hearing about you.

In my own words
for fun:
I enjoy everything from reading to music ( hip hop to country) I enjoy running, swimming and biking... I'm athletic I write but wish I could weave a story that would inspire I enjoy going to the movies I enjoy dinning out.
my ethnicity:
I'm an african american male, black is the colr of my skin but not a reflection of my charecter. Please judge me by who I am and not my skin color
favorite hot spots:
I have traveled the world from Moscow, Russia to Moscow, Idaho. From Tokyo to Tampa However, I find that cozy neighborhood bars are the place to meet to find local flavor. Where is the good seafood in this town?
favorite things:
Anything written by Walter Mosley, intelligent people, learning, the art of the deal, contemplation, listening, traveling but not for work, comfey jeans put it this way.. I have enough useless information stored to be a contestant on Jeporady
last read:
I try to read, ok, at least quickly scan, at least two or three papers a day. I enjoy knowing whats going on in the world. Reading "BlowBack" consequences of U.S. forgien policy.George Tennent's book Any thing by Vince Flynn, enjoy Vanity Fair.

I did think he was cute so I sent him a wink.
About my life and what I'm looking for
Fun and excitment are defaults in my life. I am very outgoing, love to do anything from going to the Improv , Mavericks, art exhibit, sports bar doesn't matter, as long as I'm/We having fun. My motto is life is too short to sweat the small stuff. I work-out 5x a week and enjoy running...I'm 250lb, 6'1, handsome, I am latin & black( Puerto-rican), If you are looking for extraordinary, normal, fun, attractive guy...let's talk. Remember nothing ventured nothing gained. "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded."- Ralph Waldo Emerson. Judge not the book by it's cover, but by the content...and value of what is inside and how that my enhance your life. ( In other words give me pass on the no shirt pic, I already know I need another picture ).   Let's explore the infinite possibilities of life, love and our imagination...because as Cassius said "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,/ But in ourselves that we are underlings"I'm open-minded about meeting new people in general and hopefully developing more friendships. Looking for an intelligent ,attractive, honest, fun, out-going person who has a good sense of self and understands that life is too short to sweat the small stuff...a woman who embraces simplicity and understands what is truly important in life and wants to enjoy life and have fun. The unexamined life is not worth living -Plato "Make love now, by night and by day, in winter and in summer...You are in the world for that and the rest of life is nothing but vanity, illusion, waste. There is only one science, love, only one riches, love, only one policy, love. To make love is all the law, and the prophets." -Anatole . Remember as you see my pictures and read my profile and come to your conclusion of me, what Protagoras said "man is the measure of all things, of things that are that they are, and of things that are not that they are not"

In my own words
my religion:
I consider myself a Christian, but I am much more spiritual than religious and also see the benefits in other beliefs like Taoist/Buddhism
favorite hot spots:
S. Florida & Cali, Virgin Islands are favorite travel spots. Hope to go to Europe next year (Italy & Paris). In Dallas: Ferre, Zsa Zsa Bar, Addison area , and Uptown area
favorite things:
Like the TV shows Nip/Tuck/Friends   Music-Coldplay, most top 40, Miles Davis/ John Coltrane   Art: Dali, Picasso, Monet and all Italian Renaissance artist
last read:
The Prince-Niccolo Machiavelli   Love is letting go of fear-Gerald G. Jampolsky   The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

This is better than shopping for clothes online. HAHA I sent him a wink too for the hell of it.

In my own words
my religion:
I consider myself a Christian, but I am much more spiritual than religious and also see the benefits in other beliefs like Taoist/Buddhism
favorite hot spots:
S. Florida & Cali, Virgin Islands are favorite travel spots. Hope to go to Europe next year (Italy & Paris). In Dallas: Ferre, Zsa Zsa Bar, Addison area , and Uptown area
favorite things:
Like the TV shows Nip/Tuck/Friends   Music-Coldplay, most top 40, Miles Davis/ John Coltrane   Art: Dali, Picasso, Monet and all Italian Renaissance artist
last read:
The Prince-Niccolo Machiavelli   Love is letting go of fear-Gerald G. Jampolsky   The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

for fun:
I can hold a good conversation with just about anyone. I love live music and diversity.
favorite hot spots:
Wherever you are...
last read:
Who moved my cheese?

On Some Bullshit…

2008-06-15T19:27:00.001-04:00

I by no means think I am living the perfect life (what is that?), but I know I am not living right at this stage of my life. Now before you think self righteous on me, I am not referring to this phrase in a religious sense. It's actually more from a law of nature perspective than religious. I know I’m not living right because of the subconscious and conscious choices I am making which are producing results I am not feeling. The list is long so to spare time I’ll hit on the category and give the punch line of my fuck ups/mishaps.

Men:
I’m finding myself still talking to a few men that I am not in the least bit interested in, but for the sake of having something to do or a few “in case of emergencies” dates I don’t express my intentions or feelings. How do you say, I only want you when its totally convenient and beneficial for me and they’re cool guys?

Or how about… I crave and in some cases need this one particular guy in my life, but it’s not lined up in our cards no matter how hard we try. I ask why do I even know you or worst had the chance to fall in love with you?

Work:
I’m not happy there and it’s not totally my company’s fault. I am grateful to have a job in my preferred profession but I fear the worker bee syndrome. I also feel as a graduate student at one of the best schools in the state, I am extremely undervalued. I didn’t decide to go to grad school because of any company, but at least pay attention to the talent you have.

On the other hand, now that I am in this entrepreneurship program, I don’t know what business to start. Wtf? So in the meantime I am operating in neutral, letting time pass me by.

Money:
I have the worst spending habits no matter how many times I try to “budget”. I know what I have to do, I just don’t.

Me:
Bless my little heart for trying to be self conscious about my weight. After my visit to my gyno and being weighed on a scale I now know I can stand to lose 30 pounds. Thank God I am tall, but I can’t hide my weight under blazers (its summer time).

So how are you not living right as of now???

So We’re Just Going to Make Shit Up??

2008-06-09T16:40:00.002-04:00

Wow, where do I even begin with this post? Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worst. Okay pause for the cause….

Why was my day bad to begin with??
My car’s transmission went out Saturday evening and I had to tow my baby home courtesy of AAA. I had her towed again this morning to an auto clinic near my job and house to have her looked at (this was around 8:00am this morning). They ran a test and called me to give me the sad news. Her transmission needs to be replaced. I have a 01 Honda Accord with over 150,000 miles so I guess it was bound to happen soon. I will not get rid of this car because #1 I don’t have a car note, #2 it has sentimental value to me, and #3 I love my little Honda. So $1,850 later, my Monday couldn’t have started on a better note. The good news (if any) they provided me a loaner car and she’ll be ready on Wednesday.

Anywhoo…

Back to the main story; I met this guy a little over a week ago on a Saturday night at this bar. This was close to the end of the night (so I was pretty tipsy) when I started talking to this black guy at the bar. Initially it was just general conversation. Then he offered to take my friend and I out to breakfast. So I was game (I needed some food to sober me up). While we’re having breakfast he and my friend started having this intense conversation about life. They are both the same age (38) so a lot of what they were discussing truly didn’t apply to me just yet. So since I am tipsy as hell and enjoying my food; I let them two have their “discussion”. I really didn’t want to have a deep ass topic of conversation 9 drinks later at 4:30am.

So we exchange numbers after breakfast and part our separate ways. One thing I did gather from his conversations while eating; is he appears to have a chip on shoulder. I mean, my friend asked one question and it was the threshold to his confessions. I guess he needed someone to talk to, lol.

PAUSE: So I noticed he’s a little short (but I figured no big deal). He was dressed pretty decent; blazer and slacks. As we walked to the parking lot he had valet bring is nice Mercedes coupe. So I figured, okay he may have his shit together (a plus). He was also in town from Houston for the weekend.

The next day, we decided to spend the evening together, so I met him at another restaurant for dinner and drinks. It was hot as hell sitting outside so we decided to try another spot and chill out at the bar. So over a few round of drinks I get to know him better. The conversation this time around was very relaxed with a constant flow. I even introduced this guy to sushi (welcome to the millennium). So at 9:00pm we still weren’t quite ready to call it a night, so we went to another spot that had live karaoke.

We finally parted ways around 2:00am. I’ll admit I wasn’t love struck and it wasn’t even that much chemistry. So a week rolls by and I don’t hear from him. Honestly, I am not even tripping and haven’t given it much thought until today…

This fool decides to call me and “vent”. He starts off the conversation with “there are some things I didn’t mention”…. Now you know what that shit means. Long story short (at least I am trying to shorten it). This fool has NO job, was using his friend’s car, and thought now was the time to let me know (as if I give a damn). The only bad part is you lied and put on a show. After all of those many hours of talking on Sunday, you didn’t think it was cool to just come clean and tell the truth? So I let him go on about his life and ended the conversation by telling him; I am through not because you’re unemployed (damn) but because you withheld that information and pretended to be something you’re not.

Morale of the story: Don’t lie (especially when the shit doesn’t even matter)

Summer School Funk

2008-06-08T17:11:00.000-04:00

My God, this module can’t go by quick enough. This is my last week of instructions for summer semester module A; and for some reason I am not feeling this shit. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my program but this module’s subjects and professors are boring. I am currently taking Managerial Accounting and Managing the Entrepreneurial Business. I hate accounting so I knew “it is what it is”, but this professor is so boring. I understand accounting isn’t an entertaining subject, but damn. This class is like watching paint dry in a 3,000 sq ft room.

My Entrepreneurial class is interesting but I’m not feeling my professor so much, the highlights are we have a guest speaker every class meeting. Most of the speakers are good for the most part. I guess I am just not feeling this semester, its more tedious than my last. I am not on top of my schoolwork like I was last semester. Let me clear that up, I am doing my assignments- I just wait until the last minute because I don’t feel like doing it in advance. It’s a case of not being very motivated right now. I know school cant be a breeze the entire program; I am just so ready to fast-forward to the next chapter…